Do you, woman, feel equal to your partner, man?

Question

I mean in terms of having the same freedom, not being afraid of him, being represented in society/public the same way as he is, doing the same things as he can (e.g. extreme sports, decision-making, policy-making), etc. If not so, why not, where do you feel constraints? Can you improve your role? Or are your hands locked?

Answer 1

i dont feel equal and dont want to be, i like being a woman and i always get my way

Answer 2

Yes, my partner and I are equals. He runs his own company and I originally agreed to be his secretary (a secretary is required by UK law when registering a company), but now he considers me his co-director (he is the CEO). I don't do that much at the moment, but I intend to when I finish my studies.

In other areas we are equals too. He is physically stronger than me, but he doesn't use this against me. I am more educated than him, I don't use it against him. When my studies are finished and I am qualified we will essentially earn the same salary. Neither of us would see the other go without, and we both care for each other in the best ways we can. Should we ever marry then I will keep my own name, or he might take my name.

Considering he is from the North of England, he is very modern and believes in equality 100%. He is horrified when he hears other Northern people (men and women) talking about how women should take care of men etc. and he would hate being in a relationship if I was running around doing all the cooking/cleaning/laundry whilst he did nothing. Ok, I bug him about his neatness (he's very untidy), but he often cooks me dinner and does laundry. If I fancy doing laundry I'll do it, it's just whoever gets there first really!

I could do extreme sports if I wanted, but I don't want to, I'm not sporty. But I do do Urban Exploration which is quite extreme. He worries about me doing this because you can get hurt, but he comes along and enjoys it too. Decision making and policy making wise, why should I be prevented from doing these things because of the role which society has assigned me based on what is (or isn't) between my legs?

Answer 3

When I was married my husband certainly had more freedom and control. He expected me to work and do a lot more around the house than he did. When we had children he would go out when I wasn't at work, but never thought I should have the same freedom. This went on even when he didn't work at all. I think many women do have equality we just need to ensure we choose a man that is interested in living that way. Now I am no longer married and though I don't get much time to myself , I have more freedom. Yes my hands were locked, no matter how many times we discussed it, things never changed. But better luck next time, cause I know they do exist.

Answer 4

Absolutely. That is why I allow him to do the most delightful and exciting tasks, such as cutting the grass, changing dead electric bulbs, clean the guttering , bang nails in, do household repairs, and occasionally cook dinner whilst I do those that require the greatest challenge such as dealing with dustbins, cat litter, toilets, cleaning the oven or do the ironing.

Seriously, neither of us is afraid of the other. We consult one another about major decisions and neither of us dictates to the other. We each bank separately but have a joint account which we feed in proportion to our respective incomes. We are good friends after nearly forty years of marriage and have supported each other in difficult times.We accept that we may have different points of views on certain issues and if it concerns us both, we compromise.

Yes, there are constraints due to each other's personalities. He is untidy and absent-minded and I am a perfectionist who gets irritated by small things. I have high expectations as opposed to his laissez faire, but we complement one another well.

Neither of us has ever felt that the other was an obstacle when we wanted to do something and I let him do what he wants, when he wants as he wants because I know that he has enough consideration for me not to do things that will really upset or hurt me (and vice versa). The only real impediment is that he loves his job and has no intention of retiring, whilst I hoped we would do a few adventurous things together when we were both retired like going to Kashmir or up the blue Nile, but it may come when he gets weary and throws in the towel.

Answer 5

I don't feel equal to my partner & this troubles me and has put a strain on our relationship. I earn more money then my fiance, am better educated, and have a postion (in work) that he could only dream of in 10 years time. This maybe ok if it began like this, but we met six years ago both as students. In fact, he went to a far more prestigious university than me, and i always thought he would be the main earner/provider. I think this is part due to the fact that i have really grown up in this time, and he is lagging behind in this respect, a notion which i'm sure a lot of young women would agree with. As far as policy making I am now left to it afer experinces we have both dealt with, and as for extreme sports I am the far more fearless. In fact, I think I would fin it hard to find a guy to either match me, or put up with this.

Answer 6

Currently partner-less, but in those moments when I've decided to do the whole "couple thing"...I've never felt "not equal".

(*chuckle*) I'm not the type of person to allow anyone to deprive me of my sense of worth or value...well, not for very long. Less so as I've gotten older.

However, I have always supported myself. I've never actually been in the position where my financial support was dependent on anyone else, as an adult. I'm very independent, and I don't actually "require" anyone else to feel like I have a full and complete life.

Keeping all that in mind...I pretty much do whatever I want. When I'm involved with someone, I do try to include them in MY decision making when it impacts the two of us.

My constraints are typically my own sense of fair play, and consideration for others that I care about.

I think when you allow yourself to depend on someone else completely, you put yourself in a position where you have less "equality". When you add the emotional/psychological independence in with the financial...(*laughter*) well, not being "equal" isn't even a consideration unless you ALLOW someone to treat you that way.

Answer 7

A smart woman will let her man think he's the boss. If you want a new diamond ring that you've chosen, show how 2 outrageously expensive ones that you do not like, and the one you adore. Then let him choose. He'll think he's "the MAN" for choosing. This of course is just an example. Ask any woman married for a long time. She'll tell you.

Answer 8

I feel completely equal to my man, and also to other men. I don't feel I have to regard any man as being superior by virtue of being male, although I would concede that probably many men (and women too for that matter) are my superiors in intellect, physical fitness, moral substance etc. My partner loves me and I love him - we consider each other's feelings. I don't feel I need to ask his permission to do certain things but because I care for him I do think twice about doing those things as the last thing I want is to hurt him.

Answer 9

Yes I do, my husband and I are as equal as each other, neither of us tells the other what to do or lays down the law about things, we have the same freedom as each other and why on earth would I ever be afraid of him, he is a wonderful gentle man, our marriage is a partnership in every aspect as well as very loving.

Answer 10

I am lucky that in our house we are equal.

It maybe true that I am the boss in some circumstances, such as paying the bills, doing the shopping, taking care of the children, being in charge of the house. He is charge of the garden and maintance of house including the car and motor bikes.

But together we try to take into consideration of the other opinions, thoughts and feeling. Communication being the most important part of our relationship.

Being married 20 plus years

Answer 11

It's all about equal in our house except when it comes to money. Now i'm a stay at home mum i feel i have less say in what we spend money on and have to justify purchases. It makes me think twice about buying things i don't need which is a plus but i've been waiting for new curtain poles so i can hang curtains we were given for three months!