He says he is not ready (at 24) to either get married or have a baby, and he won't give me a timeframe in which he will be ready. I would like ideally to get married and have a family but marriage part is not essential. I am 27 and I would like to have a family before I am too old. Despite several discussions I still don't understand why he is "not ready" or what that means and I fear he may never be. I don't want to just go off the pill and surprise him as I don't think this would be honest. I also don't want to leave him as we have a good relationship. How can I persuade him?
2006-10-23 22:44:25 · 20 answers · asked by Varly 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
you cant. if you been with him for a loong time and hes still not ready, he never will be. if you've been dating for only about a year or so then maybe you can stick it out a little longer just to give him more time. but if you guys have a long history and still nothing, theres nothing you can do to change that. Only thing you CAN do is deside for your self "give up kids to stay with my love or give up my love to have the love of a child".
God, grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change COURAGE to change the things I can and WISDOM to know the difference
2006-10-23 23:00:33 · answer #1 · answered by kearstinQ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is not essential?? Can you really deal with the commitment of a baby but not the commitment of a husband and father? Why on earth do you want a baby with someone who does not want to marry you??
Your boyfriend sounds like a smart guy. Most 24 year olds are not ready to be husbands or fathers. He cant give you a timeframe because he does not know.
At 27, you have plenty of time. I had my kids at just 2 months shy of my 29th and 33rd birthday and certainly was not old.
2006-10-24 01:51:20 · answer #2 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but you can't. If you do manage to persuade him, then he might end up resenting you or the baby. You say things are good, why change them? You still have time to have a baby, I was 29 when I had my daughter, I've known those who were older. Decide what is more important to you. If you really feel like you want a baby and have to have one now, then consider going to a sperm bank. Make sure you talk to your boyfriend before doing this. Tell him the truth, that you can no longer wait, and you are going to have a baby on your own. Let him know you want to continue the relationship with him, and that you love him. Tell him you will raise the baby on your own and won't expect anything from him in regards to this. He might stay with you, or he might break up with you so be prepared for the consequences if you choose this route. Good Luck.
2006-10-23 23:32:30 · answer #3 · answered by nimo22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't. 24 for a guy is still young. Unfortunately, if he isn't ready to commit to you, then he is certainly not ready for a baby and having one knowing this is not fair to the child. While he may love the baby once it is there, you run the risk of having a father who simply isn't interested in fathering. If you love this man, then you will have to wait and give him time. If you truely are ready for more in your life and in your heart you know he isn't going to change anytime soon (and my bet is you do know this, but it isn't what you would want), then it may be time to move onto a new relationship. Do not go off your birthcontrol or trick him into fathering a child. Wait it out or leave and start looking for a partner who wants a family..that is really all you can do.
2006-10-24 01:41:52 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is probably right, and you should never have to "persuade" a man to have a baby - that would just be wrong. You are obviously feeling the pull, so should be with someone who feels the same way. Remember, women are more mature than men by at least two years, so he is actually at the age of 22 mentally and emotionally. You may need to find someone at least your age or older who is ready for the path you are.
2006-10-24 00:46:25 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think by this time you should be thinking well. Is he really serious with you? A person who is serious with the relationship will first marry you and give you a child. When would he be ready? Does he really love you?
Think over, do you really have to go on with the relationship or look for somebody who is gonna take you seriously. There are a lot of fish in the ocean. What about one day, when you get pregnant and he isnt yet prepared? Will he stick it out or leave you?
Pray for this and ask guidance from above.
2006-10-23 22:56:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
As some have said before, you can't persuade him and you shouldn't really try. It sounds like you have communicated your desires to him, but he clearly isn't on the same track as you are.
Furthermore, he's unwilling to explain what he needs before he'd feel ready--if he were really serious about having children someday soon, he would state, for example, "Well, I want us to be married first," or, "I want us to take a big roadtrip together before we're saddled with kids" or something like that. Take that as a warning sign. If he really wanted to have a baby with you, he would be specific, and you would know why he's putting the brakes on this issue.
Of course tricking him into having a baby is unwise and unethical, as you know. You clearly want to have a baby in a family situation, whether or not you're married to the person.
I'd say, give him another chance or two to explain himself and come out of his shell, but if he's still hesitant, you need to re-evaluate your relationship with him. Your relationship may be "good" but you do not have a happy future with him if you don't share the same feelings on a huge issue like this. I wouldn't hesitate. It's not too late to find someone else who shares your same values!
2006-10-23 23:55:40 · answer #7 · answered by Steph D 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you can persuade a person to do something that they are not ready for. Fair enough your body clock is ticking and the maternal urge is present, if you love your boyfriend you will wait for him to be ready too.
Were you ready for children yourself at 24??
Patience I guess is the best thing.
Do you have close friends or family that have young babies/children, perhaps if you looked after them for the weekend to have them around he may see how it is and to get the "feel".
Good luck and hopefully good things will happen for you both soon!!
2006-10-23 23:27:01 · answer #8 · answered by dags042 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can not force or even nag anyone into doing anything they are not ready for , if and when the time is right , it will happen but not necessarily with him. if you keep nagging he will go elsewhere. and you will be alone.children can be nice but ias not the sole purpouse of being together.and the world will not end if you do not have children. millions of women never have children and millions more never should have had children. think of the unborn and or unwanted and what would be in their best interest first, not your own selfish needs, desires or even pier pressure. and from the sounds of it my advice to your boyfriend is "RUN DUDE , RUN NOW, BEFORE YOU ARE TRAPPED AND /OR HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT FOR A CHILD YOU DID NOT WANT, AND WON'T BE ALLOWED TO BE A PART OF IT'S LIFE DUE TO IT'S MOTHER, AND HER ANGER !"
2006-10-23 22:59:45 · answer #9 · answered by grim_reaper_69 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never push a baby on a man. That will make him run the other way. He is younger than you and he might not be ready for either, marriage of babies. Also remember that women mature faster than men. So just let it be for now, or find yourself a man that is ready for commitment, marriage and babies. This one you got now is not.
2006-10-23 23:59:00 · answer #10 · answered by Boricua Born 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋