ok, i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and we have a 9month old daughter.?

Question

i recently left him because i didn't feel loved and i felt that the relationship was one sided. after i left, i heard things from my family that they don't like him and that they are happy i got out of the situation. i love him and i wanted it to work. he has worked, over the past three weeks, to change some of the things that i had a problem with. he wants us to have our family back. but i'm not sure if i should go back. i know if i do, that my family will be disappointed and i will have a split life: him and then them. i feel so confused. my boyfriend begs for me to come home and i want to have our family back, but i don't want to have all the fighting anymore. i need some serious advice from people in the same situation or have been in the same situation. i want my daughter to have both of us together like my boyfriend and i both had when we grew up. but i'm worried we will get back together and that honeymoon phase will wear off and it will go bad again. i'm torn. help

Answer 1

Girl, I can write you a book on my experience in your same situation. I got pregnant from my b/f within the 3 or 4 months we were together. We were 15 & 16. My family liked him and life was dandy. After our son was born he continued on his path of righteousness 'til he got caught up in drugs and finally in and out of jail. This went on for a LONG time as did our "on and off" relationship. My parents disliked him and wanted me to have nothing to do with him relationship-wise. He was sentenced to 2 years in prison when our son was 3. We wrote and I sent him pics of our son and let him know that we were fine. I never visited him. I felt strange when he finally did come home and he longed for us to be a family again. He vowed to me that he had changed and he wanted a better life for our son than he had. We went through many trials and separations over the years and he even landed back in prison for like the hundreth time. After he got out I said this was enough. WE have to make a better life for our son. This was going nowhere. So when he got out, he got a LEGAL job making very good money and has managed to hang onto it and has walked the straight and narrow ever since. We've been together 15 years and married for 4. So let me just say, while input and direction from your family does matter, but you should also listen to your heart and go with what YOU feel is best for you and your child. Let your b/f know that he needs to support you by doing right by you if you're going to stick your neck out for him with your family. I wasn't leaving my man for anyone and WE proved them all wrong. People CAN change. Our son is now 14 and we couldn't be happier. Also understand that in any relationship married or not, you have to take the good with the bad. And trust me, you will have bad times. But you make the best of it and pick eachother up when you fall. Be there for eachother and your child. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

When I was 16, I dated a 25 year old and I had an on-off relationship with him for 4 long horrible years. I would advise against this completely! That boy should be dating girls his own age. If your daughter was 24 1/2 and he was 27, it would be very different. He is supposed to be much more mature than her at this point. If he is looking for girls that much younger than him, there might be something wrong with him. He is most certainly thinking of sleeping with your daughter. 17 year old boys think about sex and eating. He needs to back off your daughter until she's a little older. I want to say this again because it's very important. If he were a normal 17 year old boy, he would be interested in girls his own age or a year or two each way. That much of a gap in age in that time frame is no good! It is however perfectly normal for your daughter to like older guys...that's not weird at all. And, it's not just a gender thing, 17 year old females should not be getting with 14.5 year old males. Don't put your daughter in a cage or punish her though, that won't do any good at all. Try to spend more time with her and go to the mall together or movies or whatever. Girl time is the best time in the world!

Answer 3

I would give it a try and let him know a time limit on trying it out, you do share a child, thats important but most of all you need to be happy. Let the family know your going to give it a try for say three months, remind them that he will always be in your life as you have a child with him. Not so easy to always find someone you can love. If he will make you feel loved etc , it will be worth your effort , one thing i worry about is I just would not want a step father, unless i gave it one more try. good luck

Answer 4

go with your fillings, if you love him and you want to make thing work out go for it. i was in the same situation i had a 2 year old daughter at the time, i left him because of similar reasons and like your bf he wanted me to go back, he did every thing to change because he loves me. my family didn't like him, but 5 years later he is seen as part of the family like a brother, and he did change all the things i wanted him to change, let him know that you will not put up with any B.S.

Answer 5

You should speak to your family and tell them how you feel, they probably didnt lik him cos of the way he treated you, dont let them stop you from getting bk together again, the important people here are you and your daughter, your child needs security and love and both of you's together provide that, unless you are unhappy in relationship your better off apart u and child with your family, if he willing to change and work at it give it a go you love him and he loves you gud luck wat ever you decide.

Answer 6

Go with your gut feeling. He has changed but only until you come back. Let him stay changed for over a year and then consider marriage. Maybe your family can see things in him that your rose colored glasses are blocking out of your vision.

Answer 7

I'd steer well clear of him, if it was bad before and you family don' like him he must be a right piece of work. Break all ties if you can (if he wants to see his daughter go through a solicitor and get a direct debit of 50 dollars/euro per week from him into your account) and start new.

I'm sorry but i know girls in your situation and they could do so much better

Answer 8

i seperate with my ex once because my parents didnt like him and i did it for them not me. I say do what you want, if u miss him then go back and give him a chance to see if he has changed like he said he has. After i seperated with my ex, it tore us apart my family doesnt know how much i loed him and he looked after me. They only went by what he looked like which was unfair to me. So please dont give up your daughters and bf's relationship and urs with him too for the sake of your family. If you love each other then work at it together as one not apart. Good Luck!! Hugssss

Answer 9

I think that if you love him, you should give the relationship a chance, if it was just personality change and not him cheating on you. It's very hard to find someone to love that everyone else in your life (family, friends) loves too. Sometimes we have to do what feels right for us and if your family loves you, they will accept that. Good luck

Answer 10

i think that you should give it more time. talk to your family and find out why they dont like him and talk to your boyfriend a see why he wants you back. make him show you that he has changed. not just told you