She got angry with me because I’m a private person and she can’t understand why I won’t let people know where I live or give them my home phone number. She said to me, “From the day you were born, I knew you were odd. There’s nothing in you from my side of the family. Don't you think it's strange that you go out with friends and don't tell them where you live?". I cried all night long and left for work this morning. I just don't know what to think. I find it difficult to disclose information about myself that's all.
2006-10-23 20:52:50 · 31 answers · asked by The way I are 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your mother should respect your privacy. My mom once told me that I was a mistake and that she had planned on having an abortion. Now her mistake is the only one who helps her when she needs help. She treats me like s*** every day and embarrasses me in front of her friends. But like they say what comes around goes around. One day she will feel the pain.
2006-10-23 21:00:03 · answer #1 · answered by pulgita 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
She probably did not mean it. You don't sound like a person who would get angry or if you did would not voice your feelings but I do and believe me I have said hurtful things to my mam (when she was alive) and I wish I could take them all back cos I didn't mean it. Try and make her understand that you would only give out this information to people that you trust 100% and that you are not hurting anyone by not giving this info. Your private life is your private life not your mams. People are different and what a boring old life it would be if we were all the same. I wish I was a bit more like you I cannot "hold my own water" and people know too much about me - we can't win can we????
2006-10-24 02:23:16 · answer #2 · answered by Ullswater 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all say the things that we know will pierce the armour when we fight with those we love.
It is horrid, but it is human.
Maybe you make your mum feel that she is second class because you keep your private life private. She feels left outside and unwanted.
I often feel the same way about one of my daughters, then I get to thinking clearly and I realise that I am her safe haven when the seas are too rough around her. She doesn't feel the need to tell me everything because she knows that I will always be there for her.
I am sure that both of you are hurting right now; but you can make it better. Send or take her some flowers with a card saying something like" Only those who really love you, can see inside the real you too. From she who loves you best.
Then act as if nothing happened. Good luck and loads of peace coming your way.
2006-10-23 21:56:45 · answer #3 · answered by Christine H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Youre just ahead of your mother's time. Best not to disclose too much these days on the internet especially. She wouldnt have known you were odd from the day you were born. All newborns have their own little ways and she would have thought you were just perfect as your self. Its just a way for her keep the upper hand in your relationship by reminding you how inexperienced you are to her.
Perhaps she just doesn't have the phone numbers and addresses of the people on her side of the family who are just like you.
2006-10-23 22:01:08 · answer #4 · answered by golemhebden 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes when people make note of how different you are (and "odd" means nothing more than "different from your mother" in this case) they are doing nothing more than observing or remarking on how interesting that difference is. I had a friend once, and I'd kind of notice our differences and comment on them because I found it neat; but this person thought I was criticizing or belittling or something. Maybe your mother was just doing that.
As someone who was often told by my mother I, too, was "odd", I don't see your situation as being all that different from so many other people's who have mothers that just have to make remarks about stuff. Sometimes mothers will see themselves in you when you do something they like or understand, and then they'll say they don't see themselves in you when you do something they don't understand. (I'll never do that to my kids. It bugs the heck out of me when mothers do that.)
Ignore your mother's remarks. She didn't mean anything by them most likely, and if she did then she doesn't deserve to have remarks made out of rotten intent paid attention to either. Some day you'll laugh at some of the things your mother has said to you.
2006-10-23 21:08:56 · answer #5 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel. Though I'm very sociable when I'm out in public, when I'm at home I lock my gates and hardly ever answer the phone. Unfortunately, I run a rescue ranch and live in a small county, so people don't have to be told where I live - but they can't get up to my house!
My Mom has NEVER understood me, and quite often when I was growing up wanted me to be someone I didn't want to be. She never intentionally meant to hurt my feelings, but it happened more times than I can remember now. I figure your Mom either feels bad about hurting your feelings or possibly doesn't even know she did! You have two options. You can tell her she really hurt you and stress you have no desire to change because she wants you to be someone you aren't - or simply recognize she isn't really putting you down, she's just a different type of individual.
A quick dumb example - Joe and Mary have a baby they name Sue. They're arguing about who Sue is like, Joe's or Mary's family so they ask you. Your response should be, "Sue is JUST LIKE SUE!"
Stupid, but get my drift?
2006-10-23 21:09:46 · answer #6 · answered by Dez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AS a mother she should be proud that you don't give your details of where you live or your phone number out there are to many pervs in this world. Your friends love you for you, and if meeting people out side the home works for you go for it. I think your mum is worried that she is not meeting the people you know and is concerned about who you are mixing with . Talk to her tell her you understand, Try and take just one really close friend home just so she can see that they are not from another planet, we mums are the BIGGEST worries when it comes to our kids what ever age they are.
2006-10-23 21:07:05 · answer #7 · answered by lady_di_ar125 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Dont worry - your not the only one. My guess is you and your mum are very close and can get into some very heated arguments. Just remember that alot of things can be said in the heat of the momment that may be taken out of context. It might be that she thinks that you are ashamed of her and your home and therefore do not want to bring people home and that can hurt. Try sitting down calmly with her and explaining that its not that you have anything to hide you are just a solitary and private person. Reassure her that should there be anything wrong you would go to her. Hope this helps
2006-10-23 21:00:27 · answer #8 · answered by alex_rccrd 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
mmmm, tricky..... There is nothing wrong in giving out your telephone number i would say mobile number so at least friends and family can actually get hold of you. I fully understand why you wouldnt want to give out your address, i dont give my address out unless i really trust people. But i can see where your mother is coming from she has just spoken out loud and its come out wrong. She obviously is concerned something may have happend to you for why you wouldnt want to give this information out maybe you are scared of something..... Maybe something has happend, you need to sit down and open up. If you love your mum and she is your best friend then you can trust her, it doesnt matter how bad or how weird it is, but you need to explain it to her, otherwise she will start looking around you and watching every move you make to see what is going on, it will just get harder. To me it sounds like there is more to it. If you cant talk to your mum and you want advise you can always email me im happy to help. Take care
2006-10-23 21:05:39 · answer #9 · answered by chicken 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mums just a little over protective... granted she shouldnt have said that to you...
I think you need to say to her that you really upset me when you said those things to me... ok i may be a little more private than most people... but have you ever thaught that i just dont want the hassle of people knowing where i live bar close family and close friends... and as for my home number again family and friends only!!!
Please dont be upset too much after all shes your mother...
2006-10-23 23:07:46 · answer #10 · answered by Cat ( " , ) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Suzannah,
I don't know how old you are, but it may be time for you to have your own place?
Sometimes when people are angry they want to hurt us because they want some sort of reaction from us; Possibly because they feel ignored, hurt themselves and don't know how else to attract our attention.
Besides, they are things that, although hurtful, are better coming from someone who loves us than from a stranger.
Which possibly means that if your own mum thinks so, it's quite possible that other people do as well, and wouldn't dare say a thing to you or to your face.
This is the opportunity for you to set things straight with your mum.
She may give advice, is entitled to her own opinions, but definitely can't tell you how to relate to your friends.
That's your own choice, not hers to make.
You need to remind her of her limits;
The best really if you are in age, would be for you to have your own space I think.
Good luck.
2006-10-23 22:29:56 · answer #11 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋