My fiance and I have been together for two years and engaged for the past year. Things were going great until he brought up his ex. And ever since then we always end up in an argument about is ex. He e-mails his ex constintaly and he always tells me when she e-mails him back and what she had to say. Then he will go off about how much he hates her and how badly she treated him when they were together. I feel like I am competing with his ex for his all (mind, body, heart & soul). Am I just stupid to ignore this? Is he still hung up on this women? What should I do? He tells me that he loves me with all his heart and soul and that I am his angel. But when he starts talking about his ex I start to wonder. I love this man with all my heart and soul. But right now I am so lost and confused. Can someone please give me some advice?
2006-10-23 19:52:43 · 12 answers · asked by Angel24 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
My fiance has no children with his ex at all. There are no ties whatsoever binding them together. They made a supposed clean break over four years ago. He says that they have been through a lot together and claims they are just friends. He keeps telling me he loves me. But I have a funny feeling he is just manipulating me and using me. But I am a really shy person and I sometimes let people run over me without knowing it. Am I letting my fiance run all over me and use me? Please help me.
2006-10-23 19:53:36 · update #1
This is a tough situation but if it took him this long to strike up a friendship with this women i would tell him how it makes you feel and maybe asking him not to be friends with her but if they were friends b4 you too got together maybe ask him not to see her as much as he does now. I have exs as friends but i always told my bfs right up front that this how it was going to be and that they were only friends. So i think if he was not friends with her b4 you and they just now started again talking and hanging out i would just tell him like i said b4 how it makes you feel and tell him that you prefer him not to see her agian or as often.
GOOD LUCK
2006-10-23 19:59:18 · answer #1 · answered by knowssignlanguage 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I could have written your post 6 years ago. Mine is a long sordid story I won't bore you with...but bottom line if it makes you uncomfortable and he hates her as much as he says...he should stop. Its a good sign that he is at least telling you and not hiding it but still...then again I think its a bit odd he is telling you everything too, is he trying to make you jealous? This will not change after you get married. You should take care of this now by having a heart to heart with him and tell him it bothers you a bit. To me it is hard to get over someone when you still have contact with them and if he hated her that much why would he want anything to do with her now?
Granted if the case was different and they had property together or children, by all means they would be connected still and thats fine...but I agree when someone says how evil their ex was you wonder why they even want to have contact with them. Mine spent the entire time at his nephew's funeral waiting for her to show up ( I found out later).
I was very miserable and ultimately ended my engagement and relationship with him after I asked him to lose contact with her, he said he would but lied about it...he didn't. I didn't want to marry and live with that stuff the rest of my life, but obviously in my case his ex's feelings (or his towards her) mattered more. He was only willing to change things after I broke things off. Too late.
Good luck. I totally feel for you. It isn't a fun place to be but I hope your guy considers that its bothering you and where his priorities should be now.
2006-10-24 03:30:37 · answer #2 · answered by brat789456 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your instincts. If you feel manipulated, then you probably are being manipulated. And yes, it does sound as if he still has feelings for her. Otherwise, he wouldn't feel so angry towards her. He's also making contact with her. Men don't pay attention to women that they aren't interested in. Sorry about being so harsh. I hope you make the right choice here.
2006-10-24 03:01:52 · answer #3 · answered by maggiebridget09 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man has a problem, and so do you. There is something behind this very bizarre and unhealthy behavior. I wouldn't tolerate it. Either he stops this communication (AND goes to therapy) or call the whole thing OFF.
2006-10-24 03:01:06 · answer #4 · answered by Ecks 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you start the arguments about his ex? or him? if you just leave it alone you'll just drive him away. him, it means he's too defensive about her, so no he's not over her, give him some time and if nothing gets better, as in if he's not willing to talk about it serous like dump him.
2006-10-24 03:04:28 · answer #5 · answered by Nikki B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confront your fiance. Tell him that you don't like how you are treated and see what he says. But afterall, he's engaged to you and not his ex.
2006-10-24 03:01:54 · answer #6 · answered by Deesa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u just should have more faith in urself and ur fiance,he is very honest with u and tells u when she sends him mails,and it is not a crime,his being friend with her is a good sign,their being friends have nothing to do with ur relationship,the question whether he truly loves u or not ,u have to answer it .
2006-10-24 02:59:25 · answer #7 · answered by ghada a 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him that you want to live seperatley and you want to abstaine from sex until you are married. If he agrees and goes through with those conditions, he definetly loves you.
2006-10-24 03:09:10 · answer #8 · answered by shellman222000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to HIM!!!
YOU ask HIM!
We cant read his mind (contrary to popular belief).
Do you love him? communicate with the man.
2006-10-24 02:57:17 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dump the creep. NOW.
2006-10-24 02:56:14 · answer #10 · answered by lizzylubinski 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋