5 year old won't sleep in own bed... Help!?

Question

I have a almost 5 year old daughter who has slept in my wife and my bed for most of her life. Now we are moving her to her own bed, but she is not transitioning well. She fights us up and down and makes up stories of monsters in her room just to get back into our bed.

We also have a 8 month old who is sleeping in her own crib from the start. The two girls share a room, so when the oldest crys and throws a fit, she wakes up the baby.

Any seasoned parents who have gone through anything similar? My wife and I learned the hard way not to have the baby stay in the bed past the first few months, but we have our hands full with our oldest.

Thanks!

Answer 1

It's always difficult transitioning to one's own bed, especially after being in mommy and daddy's for so long. First know (as you probably already do) that its not going to be easy. If you haven't already started a routine, you need to. You would be amazed at how much of a difference it makes. Do what works best for you. Also, be honest with your daughter. Throughout the day, when the risk of sleep is not threatening your daughter, talk about her big girl bed. Ask her questions and try to answer hers. Make it a magical place or something special. Do activities with her to make it her special quiet place such as put pictures up of mommy and daddy and baby sister. Then, keep reminding her throughout the day that she'll be sleeping in HER bed. When night comes, follow your routine. What we do is dinner... play for a little bit... brush our teeth... bath... potty... bedtime story... then we tell our daughter that it is dark outside and it is time to sleep- but we understand if she is not sleepy. If she is not yet tired, she may read. We even have a box beside her bed for her to drop her books in when she's done. Every night she has 20+ books- its hillarious bc she really can't read. Then of course, I'm sure your daughter plays games, right? Be concise. It should take no more than 3-4 nights if you are consistent. The first time she gets up, you can settle her. If you want, you could be creative, such as if there are monsters. You could give her a water bottle with only a little bit of "magic" water to spray the monsters away. But when she gets up a 2nd time, you tell her, it is time for bed. The third time, maybe you can say something short, but the 4th, 5th, 6th... times, don't say anything... except maybe "I love you," or "good night". You may play this for 1-2 hours, and I KNOW IT HURTS to hear her cry, but know you're doing the right thing. Good luck!

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Talk to her and ask if there is any reason she doesn't like sleeping in her own bed. Establish a routine where she goes in and lays down and goes to sleep before the baby is put down. And if she wakes up in the middle of the night escort her back to her bed. Use a reward system. A chart for nights she slept in her bed and a reward for a straight week of doing so...or 2 weeks or whatever you choose. You have to do some commando parenting sounds like. She's probably only having a fit about it because she can see that it gets a rise out of you (from waking up the baby), or she could be genuinely scared of something. So I think you should communicate with her. She's not too young!

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Answer 4

My daughter crawled in my bed until she was 6, what a nightmare I swear I didn't sleep all those years a whole night!
Finally one day I said "if you come into my bed one more time in the middle of the night unless the house is on fire, I will ground you for a week!" and she didn't do it again....

that may not work for you. you can be firm like that. Then if she crawls back into your bed, pick her up whether she cries or not and take her to her room, and IGNORE it. (put the baby temporarily in your room if you have to) after about 3 or 4 nights of your torture it should go away (as seen on the nanny shows LOL) and famous child therapists.

You could benefit from reading a book from the library on it as well. It is sheer torture for that first week, but your life will thank you after you get through that "mommy's not giving in" any more.
the thing is you have to be CONSISTANT. If you give in once, it starts all over again.

Answer 5

You definately have waited for too long, but as a father myself, I know how hard it is to just want to bring your child in where it is safe. I often had to have my daughter in the same room as me, as she is deaf, and has been since she was born. Basically it means that she has a hell of a lot of trouble calling out to me when she needs something, but I suppose I have special circumstances in that way.

Now that she is 6, she sleeps in her own bed, but often comes and sleeps in with me when she doesn't feel comfortable. Because her mother no longer lives with us, and I don't have another relationship, it's perfectly fine for her to come and sit with me.

I'm guilty of the same thing myself. I often go into my daughter's room and sit beside her bed for hours on end because I find it to be relaxing.

I think the best thing to do would be to try a little classical conditioning. Let her scream and cry all she wants, but completely ignore her. If she wakes up the baby, pay attention to the baby instead. But if she is good, pile the attention upon her. Eventually she'll learn the correct behaviour, though once she learns it, only praise or ignore her every now and again so she still expects it later on.

If that doesn't work, you could always try talking her out of it. Tell all of her friends are sleeping in their own beds, because beds are only for big girls. Tell her that you understand if she feels scared because she is only little compared to them. That might bring out her competitive side and prompt her to try sleeping by herself.

Answer 6

It took five years to create this monster and you want a cure for it overnight? That's not going to happen. You have to be patient and consistent. When my daughter was small on the way to her bedroom we would announce "OK monsters the kid is coming to the room now, you'd better get back into that closet because you KNOW how scary kids can be". This sort of "empowered" our daughter, she also would inspect everything in her room, open up the closet door, dresser drawers, there was no "under the bed" because her bed was on the floor (I highly recommend it especially during the "monster" phase). Then we'd read a story, tuck her in do the "Skinnermarink" song (for those who don't know it watch a dvd/video of old Sharon Lois and Bram shows) then I would leave the room. You can try this method but I'm afraid it's going to take a bit more work, you can't be going in to her everytime she wakes, that KEEPS her awake. I suggest a monitor for the bedroom and a child gate in front of the door. It's really not going to hurt the baby if she wakes up and with the monitor you can hear if anything happens. There were times when my daughter would get up in the middle of the night just to play! She was in her room with her toys and since there was nothing in there that could hurt her I stayed in my bed and slept while she played. The fix isn't going to happen overnight, it will probably take at the extreme least a month...more likely more. It took 5 years to get to this point it's going to take a long time to fix.

Answer 7

I was having alot of anxiety before sleeping and could not fall asleep. Had many many sleepless nights.

I was just playing with the program one afternoon and wanted to listen to the �Power Nap� track. Next thing I knew I was waking up! Fell right asleep without trying. After using the �Fall Asleep� track, I could fall asleep right away. But I didn't realize that I shouldn't be using that one all night. Switched to Whole Night and have been using it ever since.

I can go to sleep with ease now. I just lay and listen to the sounds and next thing I know I am waking up from a nice sleep. I don't suffer from lack of sleep anymore. I keep an IPod with earbuds next to my bed and take it ALWAYS when traveling. The earbuds help block out ambient noise and the sleep tracks keep me sleeping sound :)

Reboot your brain & sleep soundly again?

Answer 8

I don't think that's entirely her fault. You should have trained your daughter how to sleep on her own way before she turned 5. Get her a Tickle Me Elmo TMX, so she'd forget about monsters. Browse for more product information from this site http://www.upkb.com/elmotmx.php

Answer 9

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/VtHvK

Answer 10

Explain to your 5 year old that she is the BIG sister. U can involve her by making it seem like she is being a helper to mom and dad by staying in the room at night. It works on my daughter. I would combine that with the baby monitor suggestion, just so she does'nt try 2 take baby out of the crib or anything like that. hope this helps u a bit.