Okay. . . My sister's husband calls me on a regular basis, (approx. twice a week). He has never come on to me, he's never made a suggestion, and my sister seems like it doesn't bother her at all. He calls at the most inconvenient times, like during supper, or during my shower, or what have you. Just to talk about regular things like how our days were. Is this normal? Is he just trying to be my friend, and get to know me, or not? Should I allow it to continue? Should I just not pick up the phone any more? I don't want to distance myself completely from my sister, so how do I get around the brother in law BEFORE an uncomfortable situation arises? I don't want my husband, mom or dad or my in laws or my sisters in laws or any of my relatives to get the wrong idea and make a rift in the family. There are so many factors to consider!!! What do you think!!!
2006-10-23 16:50:31 · 17 answers · asked by Sierra S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think it depends on how long he's been married to your sister. If they're newly weds, then he may just be trying to honestly get to know you as a brother/sister thing. If they've been married more than 5 years, then there may be something else going on. Either way, the best way to find out for sure is to talk to him about it... or at least discuss it with your sister. If it seriously doesn't bother her, then perhaps he truly has good and honest intentions. Good luck!
2006-10-23 16:55:19 · answer #1 · answered by Jemmie Vee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's normal for him to be calling you ALL the time. I hardly ever speak to my brother in law. And it's not because we don't get along. I think the next time he calls, you should say,"I'm sorry, but we're busy right now, I can't talk." Once you've done this a few times, he won't call anymore. And if he says anything to you, act like you have NO idea what he's talking about and the whole situation will eventually go away.
It seems very weird and awkward anyway. Your brother in law should be busy with your sister and their life, not talking to you. But if you do what I suggested, maybe it'll help. Good luck.
2006-10-23 16:58:56 · answer #2 · answered by Jenna 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should talk to your sister and let her know this makes you uncomfortable. She will respect you being on her side and she can talk to her husband. Maybe you could suggest a night once a week or once a month that you sisters and your husbands can get together and have a game night or something. Then he won't have to call to find out what's going on, you can all discuss the weeks events together! Maybe he is just very family oriented and is just being friendly. If not having everyone around will ease the tension of talking to him. Just a suggestion
2006-10-23 16:59:14 · answer #3 · answered by YourHighness 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are uncomfortable with him calling, or calling so often. Tell him, you're not really comfortable with him calling you so much, just to chat. I would think just telling him would do it. And maybe tell your sister as well.
The best way to prevent a rift is to be honest. Now I'm not saying to gather the familys and make some grand announcement. But just to tell your brother-in-law (and your sister) that while you enjoy talking to him, he always calls at the most inconvenient times & also you feel alittle uncomfortable (or wierd) talking to him so much, and would he please not call you so often. [maybe, you could call him some insted, at better times for you? Just a thought.]
He REALLY could just be being very friendly. My Brother-in-law likes to hang out with me, and be buddy-buddy. And he's not coming onto me.
I do agree with "YourHighness" and think she has a good suggestion. Either way. If you're not comfortable talking to him so much and you don't say somthing THAT will eventually cause a rift. So, I suggest you say something (GENTLY), to either your sister, or him or both.
Tree~
2006-10-23 17:09:35 · answer #4 · answered by Tree S. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why don't you just normalize the situation instead of reading too much into it. make sure that you bring up the fact that he calls all the time to your sister, your husband and the family.( the other day x told me this on the phone etc...)
also involve your sister and husband in your discussions when he is talking to you . ( ask him to ask her what she thinks...)
If everybody knows and he had any ulterior intentions he'll stop and if he doesn't then he is just being friendly and you can enjoy the friendship without the stress of worrying that others will find out.
2006-10-23 19:27:23 · answer #5 · answered by webby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are uncomfortable with this then you need to just politely tell him that this is making you uncomfortable.
Personally I have never heard of a situation like yours. I know I don't talk to my brother in law. I do talk to my sister quite often though.
It seems odd and it does seem like it bothers you so just tell him.
2006-10-23 16:56:25 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should really think about it and figure out the best way to handle this. If it's going to your sister or your brother-in-law with your sister present you should put an end to this before it goes any further. But if you do talk to the b-i-l don't talk to him without your sister there to witness the conversation. She needs to know what's being said so there's no misunderstanding. You can be nice about it but firm. Good luck.
2006-10-23 17:00:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would very nicely say you would really love to chat but you're really busy and you just don't have the time right now. I think this is the reason they made caller ID??? I simply wouldn't answer anymore. The more you talk and act nice, the more he'll want to call.
2006-10-23 16:56:53 · answer #8 · answered by Nancy D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to let him know that you don't want him to call you anymore unless he have to tell you something about your sister. to me it seem like he want to get to know you more than he should. the only way it's going to stop if you let him know you don't like for him to call you all the time. if you want to talk to your sister call her when he is at work or go by there when he isn't there. because if it don't stop .there will be a problem in your family.
2006-10-23 17:04:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should not be doing this to you. mentiopn it in passing to your husband that "dont you think its strange that he keeps phoning all the time?" and see if your husband will get him to back off.
or tell him to spend more time with your sister.
there is an unwritten rule that you dont do this, and he is crossing it. god knows what he is doing on the other end when he phones you.
2006-10-23 17:06:26 · answer #10 · answered by SAINT G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋