me and my boyfriend are trying for a baby, and i thought it would be nice if we got engaged first before i get pregnant
i told him i would wait until way after the baby is born before i would consider walking down the aisle. i just want to get engaged, he had the same idea but now he has gone all funny and he doesn't want to do it. how does a man go from wanting to do it one second to not wanting to the next?
he says that i can go ahead and plan all i want and he wont get mad but i don't want to until i've got a ring on my finger. he he confusing me, he tells me he will "one day" and he has been saying this for the past 3 years
mind you he has already proposed to me twice and taken it back and went and told one of our firends that he did it, how pissed off do you think i am...
i think he is having trobble with commitment and settling down. how can i get him to do it when i know he wants to??
2006-10-23 16:37:18 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
we were only thinking about it and i wasnt going to have a child with him until he can put a ring roung my finger (it states this in the 1st paragraph)
2006-10-23 16:45:56 · update #1
and we already live together have done for the past 10 nearly 11 months
2006-10-23 16:46:42 · update #2
Here's a great quote from Maya Angelo "When a man shows you who he is, believe him". Your boyfriend is showing you that he does NOT want to be commited to you. If he did, he would do everything possible to get you down the aisle, that's how men are. And why would you want to wait until AFTER the baby to get married? Doesn't your baby deserve to born to two people so in love that they are married? You want to know how a guy goes from wanting an engagement to not wanting one? He's unsure, that's how. If he is unsure, then this is the wrong guy for you. You want a guy who KNOWS that you are the only one for him. He has taken back 2 proposals? That shows how much respect he had for them. He is NOT having trouble with commitment. He doesn't want to do it - no trouble there. You CANNOT 'get' him to do it, only he can decide if it's what he wants. Exactly how long are you going to wait? Such a shame, there are so many wonderful guys out there who wouldn't string you along.... Please, please, please read the book 'He's just not that into you' by Greg Behrendt. What have you got to lose? Once Again, Please, please, please read the book.
2006-10-23 16:53:29 · answer #1 · answered by Memphis qt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! First of all, DO NOT GET PREGNANT!!!!! If this boy is having a problem committing to a monogomous relationship like Marriage, than what type of father do you expect him to be? No NO NO!!! His wanting to have a child with you, but not wanting to be married first is a huge insult to you. "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?" Come on now. You're obliviously sexually active with him. So he wants all the perks of having a wife without the FINANCIAL responsibility!!! You have a baby with him out of wedlock and he up and decides one day he doesn't want you anymore and he's out the door. Or worse, you and the baby are! And yes you can get child support, BUT where will you live? You have ABSOLUTELY no protection legally when it comes to finances, housing, medical, food, clothing, etc. etc. if you are not married. If he doesn't marry you first, then you should not do it! This man sounds like an opportunist. He's with you because it's convenient for him. You will be a fool to have his baby without being his wife first!!!
2006-10-23 16:43:23 · answer #2 · answered by kari w 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some guys just take a while. My husband had to have a near fatal car accident to wake him up and make him realize how much he needed me as his wife. We were married at age 23...but we had been together since 18. I wouldn't suggest having a baby until you are married. A child is a lifetime commitment unlike most marriages these days. I wouldn't rush either one of these decisions. I was a single parent (my daughter was 10 months old..when my husband and I started dating...but he was young and was not around enough to be a father figure until his accident). I wish you the best. If your dude isn't ready...don't rush him, it's so much sweeter when they aren't forced. BTW- If he isn't ready and you are...move on and find someone that realizes what a gem you are. Eventually your guy will come around, hopefully it's not too late.
2006-10-23 16:44:41 · answer #3 · answered by Cortney & Nathan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like u need to sit your man down and really sort him out... Tell him Youre not willing to make such a huge commitment of having a baby with someone that isnt sure on whether he wants to commit to you. This is something serious, a Life changing decision and if he cant see that then he really isnt being mature about this at all. He needs to assure you where your future together is heading... If he wants a child with you, that is a huge commitment so he obviously wants you in his future.
You can also look at it from another side, My sister and her partner have been together 3 years and are about to have a baby, they live together Defacto, but arent planning on getting married. You dont need a piece of paper to tell you that your in love or to validate your relationship.
But thats up to the couple... What im trying to say is the fatc that he wants your child is a massive commitment on its own, Larger than marriage... its another life being created... So good luck with things and i hope it all works out how u plan it my dear xx
2006-10-23 16:50:04 · answer #4 · answered by Elena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is having problems committing,, how do you think he's going to react to having a baby???? thats a bigger commitment than marriage... Stop putting the cart before the horse and read him better!! Hey wait you already have!!
2006-10-23 16:40:52 · answer #5 · answered by kitkatish1962 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do it the traditional way.
Go to marriage classes. Get married. Then have a baby.
Each step prepares both of you for the enormous amount of responsibility that lays ahead of you... raising a child.
2006-10-23 16:40:43 · answer #6 · answered by BeArPaW_4709 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you DON'T KNOW as much as you think you do... If he is holding back, there must be a reason. I don't think I'd be crossing my fingers and wishing at this point... You might do better to be crossing your legs and watching out instead.
(((( r u randy? ))))
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(nice pic $lut)
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2006-10-23 16:42:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
. He might eventually get around to it, its not a priority for him apparently. Accept that. More importantly, can he commit to being a father?
2006-10-23 16:40:49 · answer #8 · answered by Foss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is just not ready... dont you get it
2006-10-23 17:15:27 · answer #9 · answered by Justin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋