I know women have one great big thing over a man, and that is maternal instinct, but can a man do the job as well as a women or is the point mute and useless
2006-10-23 16:23:50 · 33 answers · asked by Alex 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I am glade to read all the replies, for I am a stay at home father of 4 kids and I have been doing it for over 4 years and its the hardest, most demanding, wonderful, rewarding job I have ever had
2006-10-23 16:34:13 · update #1
Well, men have one big thing over women - and that is paternal instinct. Don't let society's built-in bigotry against fatherhood get you down. One of my in-laws is a stay-at-home dad - his wife got a spectacular job, and he couldn't find one in the same area. So, he's the one home with the kids.
A father will not be a mother to the children, nor should he try to be. But, as a woman, I don't try to be a dad to our kids - I leave that to their father.
Being a good stay-at-home parent has no bearing on your gender. This is truly the "nurture" side of the equation - it is the parent who is providing the primary nuturing for the child(ren).
My husband wishes he could spend more time with the children. We make sure that the kids get separate "daddy time" with their father. This allows me a few hours to have time for myself - do something that will let me re-charge. This also lets the kids have a role model from both their mother and father separately as well as jointly.
The reverse is just as easy to manage - if the father is the primary care-giver, make sure that the kids get time with Mommy, to see that she is also fun to be with (and equally strict about the family rules to avoid playing parents off of each other).
The biggest pitfall to avoid is presenting your kids with the idea that mommy is somehow a better parent because she is "mom". Your actions will say this much louder than your words. Your kids should see you as co-equals. Mommy is not the same as Daddy (and shouldn't be) ... but both have different roles to provide children with a safe, stable, and sane home to allow them to grow into good adults. The mom also needs to be respectful of the father's decision to stay home, and his style of parenting.
Too many men don't get credit that that they can have a fulfilling life as a stay-at-home dad. (My in-law has indicated that, even in the more socialistic country he lives in, he still gets odd looks about his choice - and as often from women as men.) It is probably worse for them than women who coose to stay at home. Most of the stay at home moms I know would be totally supportive of a man deciding to join their ranks. I somehow doubt that the professional "masculine" world would be as egalitarian about it - especially since many seem to look down on women for the same traditionally "female" role.
The point is never moot nor useless. Don't let the bastards get you down. If you're considering being a stay-at-home dad, the decision should be made with your wife, in consideration of your family's needs and resources, and your personal desires for your professional career after the kids are gone. This is no different that a woman choosing to stay home.
2006-10-23 16:43:39 · answer #1 · answered by Elizabeth S 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You're funny.... I'm a reluctant stay at home mom: if it were only cooking and cleaning. I do the yard work because no one else does it. I even know how to change a tire and my own oil because if I don't do it, it won't get done. I'm still bored spitless. I want to work, but I have a silly husband who takes my vehicle, disconnects my phone and DSL, and harasses my employers. My husband is unmotivated, won't study and can't make much money (some hunter, huh?). The funny thing is that he thinks that I should stay home (because I'm a woman), let him work at his office job, and starve to death. I can easily earn $60 per hour (compared to his $14), but, he does not want me to work because it hurts his machismo. He's funny, too. What in the world is he going to do if he becomes disabled? He'll need me to work then, won't he? Why shouldn't a woman learn how to "hunt" so she can help her "protector" should the tables turn? Heck, even in mythology there were female hunters (think Athena). As far as sexual harassment, I'm nastier than any man I've ever met. Boy, I used to work with a bunch of ranchers and got into trouble for joking with those guys for "helping the sheep over the fence". Goodness...if I had a nickel for all the obscene jokes I had to explain to guys...Geez! Gender has nothing to do with it.. .Attitude is the key. Grow up, smell the coffee, and get a grip: otherwise you'll be married to a bitter old woman who can make several times more money than you ever will and can easily run to the divorce attorney the day your antics get to be too much to bear! I wish you the best of love, but until you open your mind you'll only attract helpless, dependent, ninnies. P.S. Not only has that outdated mode of thinking harmed the security of women: it has screwed men out of personal time and time with their families. You may want to read "Stiffed: the Betrayal of the American Man" by Susan Faludi. You are more than a "hunter", an economic pawn, and more than a paycheck.
2016-03-28 05:42:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, women have a maternal instinct, but men have that paternal instinct. Which is just as good, and in some cases better. The main thing is; is this what you and your partner want? If it is, then go for it, as long as you have the desire to make it work, you will make a great stay at home parent./ It just takes a lot of patience, love , and work. Good Luck!!!
2006-10-23 16:37:05 · answer #3 · answered by rustiangel1982 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, my husband doesn't have the patience. My son can get quite fussy, and I have to tell my husband to leave the room or my stomach will get in knots! Usually my son is the happiest baby ever, but when he's teething or has a tummy ache, he gets super fussy! And my husband just doesn't deal with all the crying very well. So in my case, I stay at home, and my husband works, and that works out just fine for us. However, I'm sure there are men out there who could do the job just as well. I'm sure there are women who don't have the patience either, and the man of the house does.... I take after my dad, so I think he would have been a GREAT stay at home Dad!
2006-10-23 16:28:49 · answer #4 · answered by m930 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely. nce men get over the idea that men must take care of "their woman" and "be the man" then he will realize that he could easily stay home and be a great father. Mothers who stay home work very very hard each and every day - taking acre of kids and a house is not easy and it is absolutely work. So if a man believes he needs to get paid to work then he has issues. A stay at home dad would definitely be doing plenty of work with much a much greater reward - the time he's spent with his kids and teaching them and watching them grow and all the other stuff that goes along with it.
2006-10-23 16:29:31 · answer #5 · answered by Rae T 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes, a man can be a stay at home father and raise his children with all the love and respect that they deserve. Might even be a good thing for all families to try and give dad the chance to interact with his kids and know what it is like to be there full time. Good for you!!!!!! More dads should take an active role in their childrens lives.
2006-10-23 17:13:25 · answer #6 · answered by slanteyedkat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. I beleive a man can make a good hoomemaker. My brother is one in fact, he is a better mom then most women I know. His children are well behaved and very polite. They are happy and loving as well. Women may have maternal instinct, but I think a better discription would be parental instinct, I don't think it matters what sex the parent is.
2006-10-23 16:35:39 · answer #7 · answered by victoria E. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I woudl love to see more men apply for the "domestic engineer" job. for a few reasons.... so they can appreiciate that "stay at home" doesnt mean catching up on soaps and happily making chocolate chip cookies.... You know i think men can do the job just as well as a woman....if i made the big bucks and my husband had to stay at home, i have all the faith in the world he woudl do a great job. I know i would have a clean house, diciplined children. When i am around my husband is a tit, cause (and it is my fault) i do everything for him, but soemtimes he really steps it up, andi thin any man has it in him, if it is something he wants to do!
2006-10-23 17:21:25 · answer #8 · answered by bangbanks72 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, if they have the right mindset. I know some stay at home moms who can't do the job, everyone is different.
It's always good the have the mom home for the first 2 years, then either one for the next 16 years.
2006-10-23 21:16:43 · answer #9 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure...I'm one, too! Although, a lot has to do with personality, which applies to both genders. I believe that both men and women posses maternal instincts. However, not every parent is a "good" parent. But those that love and care for their children will ultimately have more success.
It was tough for me, at first; I wasn't use to it. But I kept reminding myself that 1) it's my job and 2) my relationship with my child, as well as his future, is dependent upon how well I raise him. The love and care for him was my motivation.
2006-10-23 16:59:33 · answer #10 · answered by JTV 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋