Help me i'M ALWAYS YELLING AT MY DAUGHTER!?

Question

My daughter is 5 yrs old and this past 6 months I always yelling at my daughter. I tell her something she talks back our throws a fit. I have yelled had to spank her and I tried putting her time out. Taking her tors and privleges. i don't know what to do she my baby girl but she doesn't listen to me and I'm scared she is showing a bad example to her 1 yr old brother.

Answer 1

Parenting classes are a good idea however, you need some quick insight into how to deal with stuff right now. First of all--'You need to stop reacting' Yep! you read right! The more your child becomes up-set -- the more you need to reflect the opposite. IE: If your child is screaming, you -- only speak in calm and soft tone when replying to them. Put them in time out, tell them when they are done screaming that they will be able to come out. Tell them mommy isn't going to play scream and stomp. Most of all, you need to stick to this tact and not give in nor loose your cool. It may take a couple days but I have yet to encounter a child who simply wouldn't respond to this technique. Your dealing with a child who is testing their boundaries. How far can they push etc.. to get their way. A power struggle if you will. Children need boundaries (this is what makes them feel safe and assures them that they are cared for). You can create a reward system that helps to instill appropriate behavior too. Not too over board though. Something like a wafer or cup of juice or 15 extra minutes of play time for example.

Hope this helps

Answer 2

Join the club! You know what? Yelling doesn't actually work! Day before yesterday, I ended up yelling at my 7-yr-old; yesterday, she didn't even remember the incident. Every day, I resolve to be a better Mum. Some days, I'm better than others. Remember, she's learning that she has an influence over things that happen in her life. If she learns to get things she wants by throwing a fit, that's what she'll do. Try to catch her out being good. If she asks nicely for something, tell her how great it is that she's being polite. Maybe have a chart for pleasant behaviour (or anything positive). When she fills her chart, she gets a reward - some small toy or something. (Not sweets, please! A sugar rush is not conducive to self-control!) Shouting is your choice of response - usually not a very considered one, I know! Take a deep breath and speak to her calmly, but DON'T ANSWER HER ARGUMENTS! Just repeat what you already told her. Don't teach her that she has a say in your instructions. ("It's bedtime now, sweetie." "Aw, just another hour, Mom!" "OK sweetie, whatever you think's best." Sounds ridiculous, huh?) Good behaviour won't happen overnight from here, but every day, you're working towards it. So am I. Good luck, sister!

Answer 3

First off, you sound like a very concerned parent! That's good because attention to detail is a plus! You've noticed the transition in your daughters attitude. remember she's only 5 years old and at this age she's trying to discover who she is and trying to test her little strengths. She's probably just started kindegarden and is experiencing a little independance in her class along with friends. But around you she has to know who the boss is. And you should fashion how you chestise her, let her know that she has to listen for her own good. Show her she's a big girl now starting school. Take her to Chucky Cheese's for a girls night out or two a nice resturaunt. She may be trying to get your attention. Reward her for the things she does right. That'll get her attention in a positive mannor. And she'll start acting better to get your praise. Ask her if there's anything up setting her. Don't get frustrated, but when you say it's mommy time, make her go play in the room while you enjoy some quiet time alone for a while. Remember, your the adult and she's the child! The roles should never be switched. And trust me she'll thank you later on in life. Sometimes we don't always understand why were told to do something because we can't see the meaning in it. But you as an adult and her parent only want the best for her. And you being much older and wiser are only looking out for her well being. You are the enforcer, and she has to know when you give her a command she is to listen. You have dominion over your house, and the inside of it should be both peaceful and calming for both you and your children. It's tuff, expecially if your the only care taker. But God gave you dominion over that home and you will restore order and peace in it! And don't look at your daughter like she's bad, she's just expressing her self. But you have to help and guide her the right way..............

Answer 4

You should take some classes to learn parenting and to control your temper. When you yell, it makes her act more defiant, and you get nowhere fast! Take some deep breaths, get down on your knees, so your at her level (she won't feel so intimidated), and explain why her actions or her "choices" were wrong. Ask her if she made the right choice in her actions then teach her to make better choices. Just try to explain to her whenever you tell her something. Calm down and try to explain so she will understand. She knows she's getting to you, that's why she's doing these things. It's best to just ignore her and not give the situation any attention. She figures if she is going to be mad, then she is going to make you mad too. Do you see what I'm saying? She's playin you honey! She knows how to push your buttons and you can't let her. Your the adult and when you yell at her, then you are acting like a five year old also. That's what she wants you to do. You just have to ignore the bad and praise the good.

Answer 5

Yelling doesn't work, as I'm sure you are finding out. Instead, take a deep breath, tell her in a very quiet voice that you are disappointed in her for her behavior and you know she can do better. Then walk away. Act disappointed. She's acting out because she's not getting all of mommy's attention any more and she doesn't like to share you with her little brother. Ignore the tantrums and fits, as difficult as that might be, eventually she will notice that you will not acknowledge this type of behavior and that if she wants to get your attention, she's going to have to come up with something else that will actually work. Eventually she will.

Answer 6

the philisophy i live by is Discipline with love.1) show respect.2)avoid physical punishment 3) act as soon as the behavior happens.4)try timeouts for younger children in an area un pleasent. i use a corner in the kitchen. and turn off tv.older children put agreements in writing. 5)fit consequences of behavior example she dumps water on floor give her a towel to clean it up. 6) no bodys perfect including your child. 7)be firm fair and consistent. 8)give praise often for positive qualities and actions. lastly decide what you should take a firm stand on and what you can be more flexable with. this works for me my daughters have good selfesteem and are smart that was proven threw a test which she scored an 85 on out of 100. so im doing something right.

Answer 7

I had this same dilemma and my behavior DID affect her younger brother. What I started doing is getting a hold of myself first, getting my thoughts together for a sec and then I sit down with her and gently and quietly but very FIRMLY tell her that her behavior is unacceptable. Tell her that she is in time out and that she is really disappointing you with her behavior. I've heard that if you speak quietly to them (almost in a whisper) it makes them have to calm down and be quiet just so they can hear what you are saying. So far it's working for me.

At 5 years old your daughter certainly knows what is and is not acceptable behavior. I tell my kids - you WILL NOT disrespect me. I also believe in spanking - spare the rod, spoil the child - and I use it when necessary. Funny I've discovered when you use the spankings when the kids are younger you don't have so many discipline problems as they get older.

God bless you fellow Mommy! Hang in there!

Answer 8

You are out of control, and so will she be. Get some parenting classes. You can also give yourself a time out, just go outside and take a deep breath, but stay calm or she will continue to act out. Don't hit or spank when you are angry, you will hurt her. And just see her for who she is, a helpless child a sweet little girl that needs guidance.

Answer 9

kids learn by example...I would be more worried about your screaming being harmful her behaviors are normal for a child..yours are excessive...being calm when dealing with her will teach her to do the same. Just calmly send her to her room. DOn't make a big deal out of her behaviour just be cut and dry when she mouths off. Explain to her she isn't to talk like that and send her to her room...if she has toys, tvs etc in her room slowly remove them but do it all calmly and unemotional. You may be surprised.

Answer 10

If you yell at her she will learn to yell and have a tantrum. If you spank her she will learn to hit. I know it is hard but you have got to get a hold of your emotions.
Stay calm and put her in time out. If she gets up calmly put her back. Do this as many times as neccesary until she realizes you are not going to give in.Do not react if she has a tantrum. Tell her you will speak to her when she done but you will not pay any attention to her until she calms down. When it gets really hard Breath deeply and sit alone if possible until you can calm yourself down.
I know this is truly hard but I swear it works. My children realized very early that I wasn't going to react to them if they were going to have a tantrum. If they let themselves fall just leave them there. Unless they are hurting them selves don't react, let them know you are in charge and that your willing to listen to them as soon as they are ready to act in an acceptable way.
Good luck.