What to do about baby's last name?

Question

I am just curious about peoples' opinions when it comes to an unwed couple with a baby, and what last name to give it? I am 6-months pregnant, and already have a son, with my long-time boyfriend. When I was pregnant with my son, we discussed what his last name would be. I wanted my son to have my last name; my boyfriend wanted to use his. So we hyphenated...which I really don't like, but it's a compromise that let us both win. As I said, I am pregnant again and just thinking about the whole last name thing once more. We will give the baby the same last name as her brother obviously, but I would just like to know what others did in this situation? In my baby names book it said that in the olden days, if the couple were married, the child would have the father's last name (as tradition has carried forward), but if the parents were unwed, the child would have the mother's last name. What do you think should be done?

Oh yeah, and I don't want to get married...it's not my thing. I don't see the point for it in my life...having a piece of paper would not change anything, so I do not feel the need to marry. Maybe that will change, maybe it won't.

And I wasn't asking what I should do about my childrens' last name; I've already made that decision. I was asking what other people have done/would do.

Answer 1

I am from Spain, and women do not change their name, even when they marry. A child carries both last names, father's surname first, mom's second.
That is what we did but without the hyphen, and we just use the father's last name when signing up the child for activities and preschool. Both last names are on birth certificate and passport. We use both last names when we are in Spain, where that is common usage. For us what is important is that our child knows and understands his name, his heritage and is proud of both names.

It's true that in many places if a couple is unwed, the child is given the mother's surname.

By the way, Congratulations!!

Answer 2

Well the simple thing to do would be to get married as you will soon have two children with the same man. Then change your sons last name. Now everything goes together as the family goes.

Giving up on marrage you could do like they do in Russia. The husband and the children take the mothers last name. Or you could have some fun and make up any kind of a name.

One must remember how we feel about our own name. I had friends that thought they gave their son a beautiful name until I talked to them. They named their son Brock Lee _ _. Picking out a name for a child you should think about all three names and how that will effect your childs life. Like poor Brock he will do well until someone finds out his middle name.

We as parents don't always think about how are children will handle their name once out in the world with others. The old expression a Rose is a Rose may sound good if your a Rose. However it doesn't sound so good if your name is Brock Lee...Good luck with the naming...

Answer 3

I knew I would be marrying my boyfriend so I knew we would use his last name. I got engaged, then got preg, then got married then had the baby. i wanted to be married before having the child as I wanted to share my child's name - I didn't want to be questioned down the road why I had one name and she had another.

My sister on the other hand hyphenated her daughters last name as we have no brothers in my family so she wanted our maiden name to live on in her daughter - and she wasn't engaged or anything at that time. So her daughter has both last name. She did just get married and will be changing her name to her husband's but her daughter's name is staying the same.

Oh and not meaning to offend but the person who said if you break up then the Dad would have more rights cause the baby had his name is way off - it has NOTHING to do with the name. The birth certificate would obviously have your name and hopefully his so the more rights with his name makes no real sense.

Answer 4

I think the child should have the mothers last name. My son has my last name and this is a big topic in my family. I think that either way the child gets the mothers name it just so happens that when you're married, the mother's last name IS the fathers last name so in essence the child has the father's name

Answer 5

Last year France made it legal to let parent (married or not ) to have the children name hyphenated
I think that is a good thing
giving the children both name

Answer 6

If it were me, I would give the baby the father's last name. It makes more sense to me. Anyhow, if or when you do get married then the name would already be there. But I do like the hyphen name that you mentioned.

Answer 7

Personally, I would want my child to have his father's last name regardless if we were married or not. This is because I think that's what is right. I think it's appropriate to give the child his/her father's last name because children can always trace back to their mothers but what about their fathers. I guess I think of it like this--I get to have my kids for the rest of my life--shouldn't the father get at least a little piece of them too.

Answer 8

I would use the two names and come up with a third name for both kids, depending on the relationship I'd take it on and see if the father would too - gives everyone the same name. no one said you have to get married to change your name.

Answer 9

I would have done what you did. traditionally though....the child takes the fathers last name, unless the mom does not want that. I am the last of my line, and we hyphenated my kids last names, my maiden and married names....but why are you still having kids with this guy if you two are not getting married?

Answer 10

well i think that if the both of you are married and you are following the olden day tradition then you should give your unborn child your last name . I have a niece and nephew who are brother and sister and my niece has her mother last name and my nephew has his father`s last name. Well i hope this will help you with your decision.