Guys, it's been a hard day. My son called me to get him from school, but he knew I'd be at school, so he called his stepmom. She brought him to my house, but the door was locked. I found out a couple of hours ago that he'd planned to come home and o.d. on pills. Now he's feeling better, but what happens tomorrow, next time he wants out? I'm trying to find a counselor. My ex threw him out 2 mos. ago and it's destroying my son, who idolizes his dad. Please suggest things I can say/so to make it better.
I asked if he felt better that he'd talked to me, and he said yes. I'm working to find an affordable counselor. He cuts on his arms now and then, and is taking Abilify (low dose) for mood stabilizing.
I lost one child to an accidental death many years ago. I can't even bear to think of something happening to either of my sons. They are such treasures and deserve all of the richness that life offers after teenager-hood.
In peace and fear and with affection, thanks.
2006-10-23 12:52:13 · 12 answers · asked by Jemmalassosthemoon 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You are all wonderful, and I thank you for your caring thoughts. My daughter died before my boys were born, so they didn't know her to grieve her loss. Their dad has only spoken to me a few times in the past 3 years, but I will call him. This is too important to just assume that he won't step up and be a better father. God bless all of you wonderful answerers. Jemma
2006-10-23 15:42:12 · update #1
Dear, you are telling me your son is 16, a cutter, has lost a sibling, was thrown out by his Dad and wants to commit suicide?
He needs to talk to someone who can help him now. Notify the school guidance counselor and ask if your son can begin counseling today. He can tell them all of this and they can listen. Ask if there is a male counselor he can talk to. That may help. Hon, adults would have trouble coming out of this Pandora's Box.
Your son needs to seek healing for his injuries. He needs to learn to honor the memory of his lost sibling by living well. Say this to him, if you have to, every day.
You may want to call a Crisis hotline for any advice they can give. You may want to get a referral from his physician, that should help with cost. Right now, he just needs to start.
When you speak with people, speak to them with respect. Respond to what they are saying to you. NOT react, respond. Take a breath, think what you want to say, and say it calmly and respectfully. Respond. This teaches Respect.
Do sit with him and talk about the young man he is becoming. Tell him all the good qualities you see in him...(Kind to small animals, good with a hammer, can throw a mean ball, whatever...) Tell him why you value him. Show him the young man you see him becoming.
Help him to take steps towards his independence. make responsible decisions. It is time to learn to drive, save for a car, have his first job, and a bank account. It is time for him to learn to make responsible decisions.
Help him to focus on what he is supposed to be doing: Do homework and turn it in, be where you say you are going to be when you say you are going to be there, be home when you say you will be home. Maintain your living environment without prompts or reminders. Help him identify and follow through on his responsiblilites. Teach him about how this earns Trust.
He only has 2 years before he walks out that door for the last time. You have the gift of time and foresight. Aim for the end result: a healthy, independent young man.
I commend you for the success you have had with your efforts. He loves you, too.
2006-10-23 14:17:01 · answer #1 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i hope that this is something both you and his father are trying to help him threw.he is going to need the love and support of both of his parents. and im so glad to hear that you are trying to find someone that can help him. i also hope that you have taken all the pills out of the house, and that includes Tylenol, and yes even vitamins.why did dad kick him out? i really think that if you have not already talk to his father. he needs to talk to his son as well. the sad thing is, is your right what about tomorrow? i know this is every parent worst nightmare. i to am a parent of 2 children, and i don't know what i would do if i lost either of them. this may seem an offel thing to do, but sometimes you have to take desperate steps. if you have to I'm sure where you live there are places that he can be committed, and these people will help him work threw this.with the help from you and his father.as im sure that you know this is not something that will go away over night.does your son have close friends? if he does, and you can trust them not to go around blabbing this to everyone, talk to them ask them to watch out for him, when you cant. until you can get him some help. good luck, i wish you and your son the very best.
2006-10-23 13:32:57 · answer #2 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Jem,
It does appear that he is depressed.If he is on meds,then you might want to have them checked (the dosage may be off). The counciling you need is not just for your son, but for the whole family.Yes, this even includes his father and stepmother (any other siblings, etc...). Its not easy losing a child, my heartfelt sympaties go out to you. I can only imagine how you're feeling right. Talk to your doctor that prescibed his meds,this is very important.He may also know of counciling that is either cheaper then the norm or free from the state you live in.You may also want to look into your county,sometimes they also have programs you may be eligablefor...Your health care provider should also have something that you can utilize.All the best to you and your family and I hope you find the help you need..
2006-10-23 13:03:55 · answer #3 · answered by Frank D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I felt suicidal as a teenager. I didn't socialize much and didn't feel I had anything to look forward to. Give him something to look forward to.
He might be doing to much thinking so if you can keep him busy (with friends or otherwise) he might not have so many negative thoughts. I always thought I would start volunteer work if I ever felt that way again just to get out and socialize and have a feeling I was helping someone else.
2006-10-23 13:19:50 · answer #4 · answered by xtra9009 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an emergency situation. You should take him to a hospital immediately. Just like diabetes, depression is a disease that can kill. Your son is not only having suicidal thoughts, he has plans to kill himself. You cannot waste time trying to find an affordable couselor. You need to have him hospitalized immediately.
The National Suicide Hotline may be able to guide you through this process. Their phone number is: 1-800-SUICIDE, and they are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
2006-10-23 13:02:13 · answer #5 · answered by Yoshi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd start checking with the school district and any local government programs for adorable counseling. from what you are saying he is in great need of same professional counseling. just be care full some good consulars are out there for low cost but most the time you get what you pay for (I.E. cheap = bad/inexperienced)
2006-10-23 13:00:20 · answer #6 · answered by zedvilla 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont worry to much that just makes it worse!
he might not tell you everything thats wrong like me and my family your son and I are like the same but i stopped i wanted to save something instead of losing it talk to him one more time and ask him what he thinks about a counslor if he likes the idea try the Kellar Center i go there and its awesome it really helps/helped me alot now my family is sooooo much happier but you only have one bad and "messed up" kid my mom has two! be happy!
Hope the Kellar Center works just try it!
i'm on your side just remember the good times
hope he feels better
2006-10-23 13:19:30 · answer #7 · answered by Caroline M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First have a long talk with his father and tell him what is going on! Your son needs his father right now. If that isn't possible then try to find another adult male that you TRUST enough to discuss your son with and see if he can't talk with your son. From what you said I think he needs a male to talk to. GOOD LUCK!!!!!
2006-10-23 12:57:36 · answer #8 · answered by tas-okay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
today is the 3rd anniversary of my 12 yr old dtrs death. i have 5 surviving children. we sought counseling for grieving. it helped so much. do you go to church. have him talk with your church official. call 411 and ask them for a reference on counseling or the local hospital or the school. all of them should have references for you and ask for agencies or offices that work on a sliding scale, it is adjusted in regards to your income. good luck and will keep you in my prayers.
2006-10-23 12:59:28 · answer #9 · answered by n8tivemom26 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll both be in my prayers---I know having you there for him will help, but definitely move fast on the counseling.
2006-10-23 12:58:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋