She says she is burned out which is fine (to say/be if she is). I know she is. But after a couple of months of a dynamite relationship, she just holed up. Now she says she "loves me but she just can't do it" (stick w/ the relationship). I would be ok with that, too, but she told me she is afraid she will only hurt me eventually. I think that is ridiculous. I have read accounts on Answers alluding to similar circumstances, so I know the situation really exists where people bow out of a great relationship b/c they are scared it is going too well. That is what I believe is happening here. So please answer accordingly. My question is, what do I do? I can't let her go only to assume the guilt of letting the relationship crumble but I can't stay with her unless her approach to me changes. I love her too much and am POSITIVE she loves me as much. Time is of the essence, but I am getting burned out, too.
2006-10-23 11:50:36 · 13 answers · asked by randyken 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No need to be belittling doctor. I have heard other people on Answers mention your name before. I now see what they were talking about.
2006-10-23 11:54:48 · update #1
If she is saying she doesnt want to hurt you in the long run, you should respond with that everyone gets hurt during a relationship even its one of the bumps in the road throws at us. Its a test for you both to overcome it. Its going to happen no matter who either of you are with. Sit down and have a long talk with her, let her know how you feel. Be sure to listen to how she feels aswell.
2006-10-23 11:56:37 · answer #1 · answered by shortie_49 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In answer to your question, "What can I do?" here's the definitive answer: nothing.
If she wants out, for whatever reason, heed her warnings. Many people don't listen to what the other person is saying because it doesn't jive with what they are thinking or what they want. I had a man flat out tell me he was bad news and to stay away from him, of course I didn't, and oh the agony.
The best thing for you to do is a classic old saying, if you love her let her go, if she comes back, she's yours. If not, have a bottle of Jack ready because it's gonna hurt. Do it now while the hurt won't be as bad as later. Good luck.
2006-10-23 18:57:07 · answer #2 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she says she "just can't do it" it looks like you don't really have a choice here. That means she doesn't want to be with you and there's not a lot you can do about that. Whatever her reasons, she's breaking things off, so you should probably give her some space. If you're hoping to get back together with her, you should let her know you're still around to talk, and maybe call her every once and a while to say hi.
2006-10-23 18:55:31 · answer #3 · answered by cb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mate unfortunately you have no control over her feelings or her actions, you must look after yourself first as that is most important key to survival. Hopefully her fears will fade away and you guys can get back on track. sometimes in life when we do not have enough self worth feeling worthy of good things in life we shrug off all the good stuff because it's heavy emotionally and although we deeply love we rid ourselves of good relationships because we just can't handle it, we are afraid of all the possibilities that haven't even occurred yet. It's our thinking that spoils all the fun and good stuff that is happening, some people just can't believe they actually deserve all the good stuff and they can't handle life's pressures for it's overwhelming. Step back a little and pray she realises she does deserve you and if she can get a handle on her emotions all will be well. sometimes love is not enough especially if it is burning you out. mate you got to look after your spirit, your mental and emotional health regardless of how wonderful the experience of her was. Good luck as love really hurts with or without them x o
2006-10-23 19:01:14 · answer #4 · answered by clarissa l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that you're hurting and confused. when someone gives you mixed signals such as [ I love you, but I can't stick with the relationship] it's hard to know what to do. but sometimes you've got to let someone go so they can figure out their true feelings in a relationship. you sound like you care for this girl a great deal, and I know it will be hard to walk away, but for right now it's probably the best thing for you and for her.
And you have no reason to feel guilty, loving someone and trying to make a relationship work is a very honorable and mature thing to do. you've made your feelings clear to her.
It sounds like she wants her freedom, so let her go, and if she really loves you, she'll come back to you.
I wish you the best.
2006-10-23 19:14:12 · answer #5 · answered by atiana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're only been dating 60 days or so, it's probably that the infatuation has burned off and she's not willing to take it any further.
Respect her wishes and comprehend her words.
She's not itnerested in having a relationship with you. She's not interesting in changing. She's not all that interested in you.
A 60-day romantic fling is hardly love, it's infatuation that burned out, as it always does.
2006-10-23 18:55:36 · answer #6 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am exactly like her. As a matter of fact, my b/f just asked me the same question today. To tell you the truth, it is hard. The negative personality is in our blood. Unless something drastic happens, we are unlikely to change. You can only be understanding and be patience.
2006-10-23 18:56:11 · answer #7 · answered by Zooya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her how much you care for her and want to save the relationship. Ask her if she would consider going to counseling with you. The most important things you can give her are love, understanding, support, and reassurance.
2006-10-23 18:53:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you love her, than maybe you just need to be there for her. or if she's asking for space give her a little. not enough that she might consider herself single, but call her a little less, see her a little less. make her miss you being there. somtimes all a girl needs is a wake up call. so if she really loves you and you give her a little space, she'll see that being apart isn't what she really wants. she's just trying to figure things out in her mind.
2006-10-23 18:59:50 · answer #9 · answered by Jessica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't split up just spend more time with friends and away from each other, trust me you will be glad you did. my fiance and I live together and every other night after work we go hang out with out each other and meet at home around 9 or 10pm and that has brought our relationship to a new high. Do it you won't regret it !!!
2006-10-23 18:57:03 · answer #10 · answered by thatoneguy00 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋