We are saving for a house & will probably get it at the end of next year. We have $50,000 saved up. We both have finished college & have good careers-we both make $20-25/hr. I know he wants to get everything financially in place but I'm so tired of waiting! He is 31 & I am almost 27. We've been married almost 2 years but been together a total of 8 years. I just feel like we have everything together except a house but hopefully we will get one next year. How can I talk him into trying to conceive several months before we buy? He said we might start in March but he changes his mind a lot. He even told his mom that & now she is excited. I just hope he doesn't give our hopes up! Any advice would help...
Also I want to add that I work at home 5 days/wk so that would help as far as not having to pay someone to watch the baby.
2006-10-23 11:44:50 · 8 answers · asked by beachbum26 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Sounds like financially you are ready... maybe his concerns aren't truly of a finacial nature. Having a baby changes everything about your relationship. For a man, this can be really scary. He is worried about a ton of things... what will happen to your body? Will he be a good dad? What if there are things about himself (smoking, drinking) that he wants to change first? How will a baby affect your sex life? What will it be like having a person who is completely dependent on you? What kind of pressure will this put on him/you? How do you take care of an infant? All these thoughts can cause severe anxiety, to the point of paralyzing him. You need to talk these things through with one another to help him feel comfortable. Unfortunately, it won't work to try to convince him of your perspective... you want both of you to feel ready for a baby (which you never truly are "ready"). Try to show him that both of you are now responsible adults, with the qualities needed for parenting. Guys are often scared of children- especially if they have never been around them much or had any experience with infants. They are so afraid that they are going to "break" them! Try to allay some of those fears by introducing him to babies and small children. If any friends have children, invite them over for an afternoon so that your hubby can spend some time seeing what children are like. You can also observe at a park. Unfortunately, there is no real "training" for having a baby of your own... you have to experience it.
2006-10-23 12:08:03 · answer #1 · answered by dolphin mama 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take it from me- dont have a baby unless both of you are positive thats what you want. My husband said he wanted a baby just to make me happy because he knew how bad i wanted one. Our son is 8 months old and we both have never loved someone so much but it has hurt our marriage- if we had to do it all over again we would wait a little longer to have children. If our husband is waiting for you guys to be "financially ready", you will be waiting forever. Once you think your ready something else comes up. There seems to be other issues besides money. On a positive note, i thank god everyday for our son. Ryan is the light of our lives.
2006-10-23 11:59:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you that it sounds like you guys are pretty much prepared for a little one, except that your husband seems reluctant. Maybe he is just scared at the idea of becoming a father and taking on a whole new huge responsibility. My only advice is to talk with him about his concerns and what changes or accomplishments, if it is just getting into your own home, that need to be made or fulfilled before he is ready to start a family. It really looks to me like you have thought all of this out, would also like to know what it is that you are able to do from home and get paid so well. I would be so happy to be able to stay home with my son and work.
2006-10-23 11:52:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wanna say that u r a very lucky person, I wish God bless ur family n u will be happy forever.
Just think that, this life is very short, we dont know if we will see tomorrow or not. So dont postpone ur life because of being stucked in financial issues, i believe God will help u with those problems because u want to have an angel n take care of her/him. Im sure He will be happy for that n will help u. Dont be desperate.
2006-10-23 11:50:48 · answer #4 · answered by Zifikos 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No need to be in a hurry. Once you get that little person on the ground, you're responsible for the rest of your life. I had my first at 20 and it was very hard. I had my last at 36. I've enjoyed the last one so much more.
2006-10-23 12:01:36 · answer #5 · answered by Debbie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line, it has to be when the time is right. When the time is right, THAT is the time that is BEST for your baby. The time is right when BOTH parents are ready and NOBODY IS FORCED. As such, wait and don't be selfish. When you have a child it will never be about you again. Start practicing that now.
2006-10-23 11:47:41 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you push him into having a baby before he wants one you will be telling him that he is not the number one love in your life. he will distance himself from you and the baby. take your time. you are only 27 and have some more maturing to do.
2006-10-23 11:50:47 · answer #7 · answered by TillieDillie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Thanks
2006-10-23 12:15:37 · answer #8 · answered by tmkhrstn 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋