ive liked a guy for 3 years...apparently he doesnt like me back...even tho he lead me on to thinking he did a few times...anyways the point is i dont understand why i cant just forget about him..i keep busy i do all the tricks that are suppose to help me get over him...and time..yes ive tried and its been a long time so what the hell is goin on here...i try to get to know other guys..things just arent the same. i just cant help but keep liking him. it feels as though hes suppose to be there. but it must be wrong..seeing as he doesnt like me or just playing hard to get? anyways..anyone have suggestions or reasons on why i cant get over him?
2006-10-23 10:46:10 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thank you for this question -- it's complex, as are most things having to do with the heart and mind.
It was wrong of him first of all to lead you on. And to lead you on for three YEARS? That borders on sadism -- deliberate sexual cruelty. I know he didn't do anything to you sexually, but sadism is also about seduction, charm, mind control. To tease and lead someone on without ever giving her anything real -- a date, a kiss, a hug, some time together -- is, I hate to say it, the mark of a player, a user, an opportunist, and a loser.
It's hard on the ego when "he's just not that into you". And it's hard when you have to summon up the strength to walk away. Sometimes that's impossible as in your case, where obviously this guy is in your same social circle. Maybe it's time for new places and new faces. Maybe it's time to move and/or get a new job if that's possible. All of this may take a while, most of a year to accomplish, to get him firmly out of your life and your mind and your heart, in that order.
A real gentleman, someone who is date-able and marry-able, will reciprocate your interest. There will be a spark and a flame of passion, lust, desire, interest. When you meet your soulmate (I've met mine and I do believe in them) you really do just know. True love is effortless. You really do just click and you feel like you've found another part of yourself. You have most things in common, and what you don't have in common as soulmates you understand and appreciate without the need to argue, rationalize, defend or change.
But in order to meet your soulmate, you have to be a complete, whole person first. Marriage is commonly called "two halves becoming one" but that's not true. It's two whole people who have made themselves all they can be coming together and joining up as a team, putting together their minds, hearts, souls and talents to form a union and a family of two or more. Half--people don't make very good partners and spouses. Whole people make much better partners and spouses!
Bottom line -- change your scenery, job, friends -- whatever it takes to get him first out of your immediate surroundings, then out of your network both close and extended. Then tend to yourself and grow yourself. Take classes, throw yourself into your job -- do what makes you feel good, powerful, competent, happy, engaged, passionate about life.
You deserve someone who doesn't lead you on for years! I had that happen to me too, and when I made those changes, my life changed for the better. I'd also recommend some kind of letting-go ceremony where you put closure on your non-relationship with him. It can be as simple as burning a leaf and literally turning over a new leaf to represent a new turn in your life, or you can do something more specific that feels right for you. He never has to know. This is for you because this guy has never given you anything but mixed signals. So this time you are the one being pro-active and taking charge.
I'd urge you to read the book He's Just Not That Into You and talk to your family, friends and co-workers and see if they've ever had an experience like this and what they did about it. You might get some new insights.
Good luck to you, and I hope you find a real gentleman who thinks you are the hottest, most gorgeous, brilliant, wonderful, dear thing EVER and who cannot resist your charms. :)
Cheers, K
2006-10-23 11:02:00 · answer #1 · answered by Kate 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mm seems you're a little bit obsessed with this guy. But hey, every girl has been in that situation. The best way to forget a guy is to not think of him.. I know, it's difficult but the power of the mind is stronger than your feelings. Whenever you'll think of him, try thinking "geez, why should I think in this guy when he doesn't care a bit about me?"
2006-10-23 10:50:58 · answer #2 · answered by acbm 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It will definitely take time to get over someone who you've liked for a while. I would distance myself as much as possible, and make a concious decision to get over him. You can will yourself over him, trust me! But, if you don't want him totally out, maybe he's not supposed to be with you in a romantic way. He might be good as an acquaintance, or just someone you can call if you need someone to talk to.
OR, since he has played with your emotions, you shouldn't wait around for him to do it again, unless you want to put yourself in a position to get hurt again.
Do whatever you want, but I wouldn't want to be in your shoes!
2006-10-23 11:16:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know it seems as if you have tried ever thing and you just cant let him go but you have to,you are killing other relationships because you are holding on to hope that you crush will come around to liking you but this is not healthy for you its OK to still like this person but you have to move on to bigger and better things find some one cuter who truly likes you and who you truly like hope you find what your looking for
2006-10-23 10:54:39 · answer #4 · answered by lee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
one thing i've learned is you cant tell your heart what to do. you cant force your self to get over someone , or to even fall in love with someone. this is an aspect you dont have any control over.
2006-10-23 10:49:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
think about the negative aspects of him and focus on them.
2006-10-23 10:49:51 · answer #6 · answered by inhibitor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will take time.
2006-10-23 10:47:48 · answer #7 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get over him u dumb *****
2006-10-23 10:48:46 · answer #8 · answered by da unknown poet 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋