Can someone tell me a joke or something? I am severely depressed at the moment.?

Question

I just want to be cheered up or given something else to think about that will take my mind off of this grief.

Answer 1

things to do in wal-mart
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares".... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go

Answer 2

I know this has been posted before, but it's great!

Viagra (made me titter)?
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin,
Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them!

Answer 3

You are thinking well now and you will be best served by examining one of your expectations for love that you can modify to be closer to true life. Then you will have to get over the bad feelings when you brain dumps the old wrong idea. The pain will fade as you continue to prove the new expectation to be more accurate to reality. Next find just one new friend in a new area and chose someone like yourself who is an outsider too. Don't go to another winner-player and get hurt again.

Answer 4

My sister has a friend who went to a blood drive to give blood. She was on her menstrual cycle at the time and did not know if she could give blood during this time. So she decided she would ask someone if she could give blood during her menstrual cycle. When she asked, she accidentally stated that she was masturbating and needed to know if she could still give blood.

Hope this has cheered you day up some.

Answer 5

If you are severely depressed then "a joke or something" is not likely to sort you out. Depression is a medical condition that must be treated by a doctor with medication and therapy. Maybe you are just in the dumps.

Answer 6

I don't have a joke to tell you, but just know that even though I don't know who you are, I care about the fact that you are depressed. There's always someone who cares, remember that. If you want specific advice, or just want to talk about it, e-mail me at [e-mail]. I hope things get better for you!

Answer 7

Why such a pretty girl is so sad, I do not know.Think about butterflies or rainbows. Cheer up, tommorrow is another day.

Answer 8

A skeleton walks into a bar.
The barkeep says, "What can I get ya?"
Skeleton says, "A beer and a mop."

Answer 9

i hope you dont think this is sick but my friend told me it and it made me laugh. so dont be grossed out just smile! :)

An elephant comes up to a camel and goes "why do you have boobs on your back?" And the camel replies "Well, thats a stupid question for someone with a penus sticking out of his face!"


Hope you smiled... lol! ! ! :) ! ! ! :) !

Answer 10

You dont need a joke...it's temporary..you need a good friend to help you through whatever has you down...Call someone and talk it out..do it now...