My Sister in law. My husbands brothers wife. Was killed in a car accident last Friday. I feel heart sick for him. My problem is I barely knew her. They have only been married 2 1/2 years. And they have always lived in Florida. My brother in law is in the Navy, and that is where he is stationed. I only saw her about 5 times. At their wedding, 2 Thanks Givings and 2 Christmas's. He is bringing her back to California for her funeral, as this is where her family lives. My problem is. When I was on the phone with him last night he asked me if I would speak at her funeral. With out even thinking I said yes if that is what you would like. After we hung up I realized I really don't know what to say. Beings that the times I did see her were big family events, we never really had a chance to have any one on one conversations. Should I tell my brother in law that I have changed my mind. Or does any one have any suggestions.
Thanks ahead of time.
2006-10-23 10:28:15 · 11 answers · asked by Kali_girl825 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I already talked to my Mother in law and Husband and they didn't know her any better than I did. She was not good at keeping in touch, writting letters or returning phone calls.
2006-10-23 10:29:35 · update #1
Do you think a nice poem would be Okay?
2006-10-23 10:47:52 · update #2
you could say something along the lines of.....
dear _______ (for example sarah)....i didn't get the chance to know her as well as i would have liked....but when we were together she was always so (happy, bubbly, nice)..... she was very much in love with ___________ (husband's brothers name goes here)..... and it showed......
it is so tragic when one so young is taken away from us but _____ (ex. sarah) is in a better place now..... we must have faith that one day we will see her in heaven..... until then she will be looking down on _______________ (husband's brothers name) with love.....
something along those lines.... you don't have to know her favorites or anything like that..... but if you did it would be nice to include them like... she always enjoyed (knitting, skiing, underwater basket weaving)
hope that helped... you can do this..... as you are not too attached you will probably be better at it.....
2006-10-23 10:52:25 · answer #1 · answered by myheartisjames 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well out of courtesy i would speak at the funeral since he did ask you and you did accept. you should as your brother in law is there any specific things he would like you to say. maybe he whats something said specifically. then just say general things that people always say at funerals like how good of a person she was even though you didn't get much time with her you knew she was a special person. how she was taken away so young and suddenly and her loss could never be replaced. you know things that could apply to anybody. how she was loved by her husband, family and friends and how you were looking forward to getting to know her better. hope i helped good luck!
2006-10-23 10:42:01 · answer #2 · answered by chrisarea_99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When your husbands brother arrives, make time to sit down and talk with him about his wife. Find out as much as you can about her. Why he was attracted to her, what were her favorite things to do, her favorite song, color, what made her the person she was. From all that you should be able to come up with a lovely address at the funeral and give comfort to your brother-in-law at the same time without disappointing him. It just might be able to make him feel better knowing you are trying so hard to show everyone how much you care. It will also help him to be able to talk about her.
2006-10-23 10:36:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest, tell everyone that while you didn't know her very well, that you could see how happy she made your brother. You could talk about things he may have told you that they did together. Talk about their move to Florida and the family felt. It doesn't have to be long. But he obviously needs you to accept what they had and comment on their lives together.
This event really is for the living, so you need to be there for your brother.
I'm sorry for your loss. Give your brother a hug from a stranger .
2006-10-23 10:35:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, i wanna saw sorry to hear about the loss of your sister-in-law. If you don't feel comfortable on giving a speech at her funeral then tell your brother-in-law that you feel that it would be better to have one of her family members to give the speech since you didn't know her that well. I'm sure one of her family members would know her better than you. Good luck.
2006-10-23 10:37:43 · answer #5 · answered by BadAssGirlINWV 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you made a promise and you should stick to it all you have to do is ask your husband to talk his brother or you do it yourself and just say that you would love to speak at the funeral but you need to ask him a few question about her as you didn't know her very well and ask him if she had a sister or brother that you could talk to to find a bit about her life if he dont feel up to telling you himself im sure you will be fine if he didnt think you could do it he wouldnt of asked you so dont let him down god bless and take care
2006-10-23 10:41:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes a poem would be nice. You need to mention in the euology that her time in your family was cut short. You must be loved a great deal by your brother-in-law for him to want you to speak. (scripture is nice if appropriate)Talk of her familyand the pain you know they are going thru.You'll do fine, he needs some backing now , so you stay strong. Condolences..........
2006-10-23 11:01:31 · answer #7 · answered by Maw-Maw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though you didn't know her very well, she was still a human being. You could say nice things about their wedding and how happy you were to see her at family events. Even though you may not of talked to her one on one, she was still a part of the family and will be missed.
2006-10-23 10:39:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sympathies to you and your family.
I spoke at my Uncle's memorial as a favour to my Aunt. She asked me to do so because of conversations that she and I had while he was ill. After I agreed to speak, I realized that I had very little idea as to what to say.
What I did was to talk to several family members who were not making speeches, and asked them to tell me any stories, anecdotes or special memories of him. I also asked them all what he meant to them as a person that they would carry with them for the rest of their lives. I then composed a speech containing the best of all that I had heard. Hope this helps.
2006-10-23 10:34:27 · answer #9 · answered by cat person 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd suggest to your brother in-law that he get one of her family members to give the speech. Just tell him you feel it would be best since they would know more about her then anyone else. good luck ;o)
2006-10-23 10:33:38 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋