I have been alone for15 years.I am 57. All this time finding no one I could trust or love. Finally I have, but the problem is I have just (for all of 3 mos.) managed to get my first apt. on my on. I am doing it all myself and it is great. It is all state assisted so I can make it. If I give it all up for him and it doesn't work I have lost everything and will have no place to go.Yet, I miss him constantly and am just now starting to feel alone because of it.
He is not a rich man.
He cannot move in with me due to my assistance.
2006-10-23 10:28:08 · 18 answers · asked by beebee 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
That's a tricky one. You've probably weighed up all the pros and cons already. This is a very important decision because if you get it wrong, it's going to have a major impact on your life. You know what the safe option is. All that I can suggest is that if you decide to risk it, you need to be as absolutely sure as you can be that this guy is the man for you, because if it goes wrong, 57 is not a good age to have to start rebuilding your life again, and if you're sad at being apart from this guy now, you're going to be totally depressed if it falls apart and you're left destitute. It's really up to you - I can't give you definitive advice because there's too much at stake either way. I wish you the best of luck with whichever choice you make - but please don't rush the decision. I know that after being without someone for 15 years your emotions can get tangled because most of us would like to share our lives with someone, but there's a much bigger picture here and I know you're aware of it.
2006-10-23 10:38:55 · answer #1 · answered by John P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he live far from you? Even if so, you two can still get together when you can, and enjoy each other's company. When we dated, my husband and I used to visit each other only on weekends because we lived an hour apart. We did that for over a year, and during the week we used to be online all evening playing backgammon, chatting & such. Don't rush into anything and regret it later on. Keep your independence for a while, and enjoy your life one day at a time. Things usually work out in the long run one way or another. Good luck!
2006-10-23 17:35:51 · answer #2 · answered by LARGE MARGE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i don't know about you.. but i think your own security at your age now should come first.. Just because you can't live together don't mean you can't spend time together. He can come to your house he just can't move in with you totally.. He can spend nights but he must keep his own place for when they ask or see you together he can prove that he isn't living with you.. everything is all workable.. and I am 55 and my security is more important than having a guy in my house.. I know it is lonely being alone but you don't have to be alone.. just not together totally.
If the both of you love each other you will find a way to make it work.. and you dont' have to have a marriage licience to be togehter and be happy..
find a way for the two of you to be happy together with out breaking the rules of your assistance.
you can do it..
just be happy and have your security both.. If he really loves you he will understand what your security means to you.
2006-10-23 17:38:15 · answer #3 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have some good points. Since you have only been in your place for 3 months, try enjoying your own space for a little while first. You should still continue seeing your friend. When you know the commitment has a ring and a set date to wed is involved, then you think about moving. Not until then.
2006-10-23 17:36:56 · answer #4 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been alone for 15 years and now are finally getting on a positive track. Keep it going. Don't sacrifice ANYTHING for someone else. You will end up right back in the same predicament. He surely can visit you, right? What is his point of view? Does he want you to move in with him? I doubt it or you would have said that. Congratulations on your latest advancements. At 57, they may be few and far between. Rejoice in your good fortune and enjoy getting to know your new man. Things will happen as they should. As they have. Way to go and continued good luck to you!
2006-10-23 17:33:04 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
With all your hard work, you've finally become independent!!!!! That's so cool. I would not consider giving it up at this time. If your new relationship fails, you're back to "go", and you laready know howmhard it is to get the state assistance you now have.
Why not keep the arrangement as it is. You can spend lots of time together, but DO NOT COHABITATE. If he cares for you and truly uinderstands, he'll surely respect your decision.
2006-10-23 17:35:04 · answer #6 · answered by Mandel R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree thats a toughie. Do not rush this relationship, go spend weekends with him at his place. See how you get on under the same roof. Increase it to a vacation at his place. Find his faults and reassess the situation say in a years time. Best advice I can offer you. Hope it works out, hope you make the right decision in the end.
2006-10-23 17:31:21 · answer #7 · answered by lollipoppett2005 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who says you have to move in together? Enjoy your independence and let him enjoy his. You can take turns spending the night at each others place and still have time to yourself. It makes dating more fun and keeps the relationship from getting too boring. Besides, as long as neither one of you is seriously ill and needs the other one to care for them, then why bother? Besides, he's not wealthy and your financial stability is of the utmost importance. You come first, because you are the only one you can completely depend on. So be good to yourself and be smart!
2006-10-23 17:37:37 · answer #8 · answered by kim b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might want to wait with a hasty move out since you're getting the assistance and so on . You can meet him ,go out , have fun get comfortable with the situation and let it go for a couple of months more till you're sure ! And then go from there .
Good luck with your new found love
2006-10-23 17:31:51 · answer #9 · answered by silverearth1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it slow. If this was meant to be then there should be no rush to get things going. Just spend as much time with him as you can and enjoy that time. Don't alter your life if you aren't quite comfortable with it yet. Make sure you are open with him and let him know how much you care for him but if your not ready to give up those things you just earned then take it slow.
Have sleep overs. ;-) That doesn't mean he is living with you and it isn't every night.
2006-10-23 17:34:58 · answer #10 · answered by vancie121 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋