You are not the father?

Question

o k let me xplain in short, my sister in law has been married for 13 years and in 2001 she gave birth to a son. when the baby was born my husband and I looked at each other and privately said to one another that the baby does not appear to be her husbands. one year before his birth she confided in her brother(my husband) that she had had a brief affair with her supervisor at the jail where she worked. they have had problems on and off and her husband had a suspicion that the child was not his. he took his now 5 year old son for DNA and low and behold HE IS NOT THE FATHER. now heres the messed up part, he has since filed for divorce and she is trying to track down the father who has since retired. everyone in the family is mad at him because he filed for divorce and wants out of the marriage. my husband and i are still friends with him and everyone is mad because he is leaving. why? she messed up not him? its okay 4 us to still be his friends right?

at a christmas party last year she invited many coworkers to the clubhouse I rented out, during the party she began drinking heavily and began acting "Inappropriate" i observed many men hanging all over her and touchy feeling when ever they got the chance. as it got more and more out of hand i made an executive decision to stop the party. of coarse everyone was mad but i did not care, the clubhouse was rented under my name and I did not want to be responsible for anything that might occur or get out of hand. i had to drive her home because she was too drunk to drive. now i find out that from her husband that i may be summoned to testify in court on the incident and her behavior. I love my sister in law but how do I testify and still maintain my freindship with her?

Answer 1

You have to be first true to yourself. You will be respected for being true to your own integrity.

Making the right choice is often unpopular. But you owe it to yourself to do what is right for you.

They will be divorced whether or not you testify. Further, you did the right thing by closing down the party. That takes courage and guts.

You have what it takes to make the right choices and maintain your own integrity before worrying about that relationship. You already did that with the party. I'm proud of you.

Choose the right - at the end of the day you only have to live with YOUR choices.

Answer 2

Who the father is should not cause hatred from the male to the child. For the initial years He was the only father the child knew and should be mature enough not to hold what happened against the child. A real man could stay friends with the child and let it know there is no blame for it to deal with. The mother should raise the child without messing things up more by going after the real father. If she wanted to do that she should have done it in the beginning. Bad enough she put the child in this position she needs to put the priority on the welfare of the child and do what is necessary to provide a good future for it. Not drag it through the court system and publicize its illegitimate status.

Answer 3

Father of Children!

Answer 4

Absolutely - why not be his friend. He needs Friends right now more than ever. I am sure that this man is in pain - the family should sympathize with him not the wife. Bad enough she had an affair but she was dense enough to have the affair without using protection (she could've killed him with AIDS) and now she lied a bout a child that he cared for for five years. She is lucky he just divorced her and didn't kill her azz. She is one lucky broad - hope she finds the kids dad - she is a #1 loooooserrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!

Sure remain friends with him he needs you, please.

Answer 5

Yep, you can still be his friends. He is doing what any one who has been cheated on has a right to do. She messed up and now divorce is the price she has to pay. My however to this is that he has been this child's father for 5 years and regardless of DNA I hope he realizes this kid sees him as his dad and he needs to remain a dad to him for life.

Answer 6

If my wife did that to me she better run, because 1st I would divorce her, then I would sue her for the money I spent taking care of her Bastard child, and then I would take out some full page full color ads in the local papers that explain why she is a worthless slut.

Answer 7

I would say if anytime, now is the time that he needs a friend the most. How disturbing to find out this boy that you have been raising as your son is not yours and your wife has lied to you this whole time. Just be there to lend a listening ear!!

Answer 8

Of course it's ok...aren't you able to make adult choices about who your friends are without worrying about what it will "look" like? If everyone else is turning their backs on him, it would probably be good for him if you 2 don't.

But...is this still a secret? Nobody's going to understand if this is kept under wraps. Eventually, when she sues for child support, it's going to come up.

Answer 9

yes it is,the only reason their mad its their daughter,sister,ect.But if he did that to her and she left,they would be saying she did the right thing and he is a scumbag for cheating and lieing all these years!Right!so you and your husband stay that poor mans friend,your family inlaws are completly wrong,and God knows he needs all the friends he has in he,s life at this moment!God bless,you and your Hubby,use are True,loyal friends!but talk to your brother inlaw about child,Tell him its not the child,s falt and he shouldn,t a banden he,s son!{even thou he,s not the father}The child does not know that and he should not be punished for he,s mother,s sins,But he does not have to be with her!{wife}Good Luck,Hollywood

Answer 10

The real sad part is the attachment the baby had to the father she thought was hers..... I understand how he might be angry and want to divorce.... but he also has to understand the emotional attachment of a daughter because to him...he is the daddy.