Do men who go into the military, come back different?

Question

I know ts a lot to go through when they join the military. My boyfriend is going to join the military, i just wanted some advice from someone who had to go through someone leaving. just something to prepare myself for!!!!!! thanks

Answer 1

He will be different, but then, so will you. Some couples have a lot of trouble adjusting to the changes, others do not. Personally, whenever my husband comes back from somewhere we just kind of pick up where we left off. It's really hard to be apart but if the person is worth it, then it doesn't seem so bad. When he first left for basic training it was really hard, but it gets a little easier each time he leaves. It still sucks, but you get used to being alone and learn better ways to cope with it. I think it also got a lot better once we got married, because now I'm around other military families and wives who understand what I'm going through. When he was in basic training and during his first deployment, I lived at home, with no other military anywhere nearby. I think it's a lot easier to live near the base when he's gone, even though our family is far away. Some people prefer to go home during deployments though. It all depends on the person. The best advice I can give for being seperated is to learn really good communication skills and to learn some coping mechanisms so you don't get too depressed. If you learn to deal with it early, it's a lot easier. And it's always worth the wait to see them when they get home!!

Answer 2

Depends on the individual and the experiences. Combat is always bad and the average survivor does not want to talk about it. Don't pry. PTSD can show up immediately or years and years later. People that enjoy combat and killing are not normal human beings. The military can basically be that or like just another job. It usually takes up to ten support personnel to get one military member into combat. Or at least that was the ratio back when 'Nam was on. But just being sent to a combat zone with no real front lines where nearly everyone can be an enemy like Iraq is now is stressful. Individuals handle the stress differently. And military training is designed to mature. The basic idea is take a HS kid or one in their early twenties and make an adult with a different perspective of both life and death. So yes, you can expect change, good and bad.

Answer 3

Military life is very hard on everybody, especially family. I am currently serving in the military, and I grew up an Army brat. There were night I would not see my father before I went to bed and when I woke up for school the next morning he was already gone. As far as being a father now and in the military, it is very rough on myself and my wife. I am currently serving in the Middle East and my wife is stressed out with our 4 month old little girl. It is tough being away from them. When someone joins the military they are asked to put their job in front of their family on the priority list. Before your boyfriend leaves sit down and ask him if he is willing to die for this country and never see you again. If he has trouble answering that question then he should not join. The military does change you and for most people it is for the better but for the few it is a terrible change. I love what I do and take so much pride in what I do that I couldn't imagine doing anything else.

Answer 4

When he is fresh out of basic you will definitely notice a difference. He will be more organized and he will have a lot more confidence in what he does. His sense of integrity will be different too. He will look at everything in a whole new perspective, making him feel extremely lucky to have what he's got. If he goes to to war, then he will come home a changed person. The things he will see will leave a permanent impression upon him. He will open up, but only when he is ready. Don't worry about the small things though, the changes he will go through will be good for him and could benefit you too.

Answer 5

My fiance was already in the military when I met him, so I'm not sure how different he was before completely entering, but there was definitely a noticeable difference in him when he came home from Iraq. He got 30 days leave when he returned and of course he visited his family and we took a nice cruise, but when he got back to base he was really withdrawn, and didn't really want to be around a lot of people. This lasted for about 2 months or so but he eventually came around. Just be the loving girlfriend you have always been, cook his favorite foods, do some of his favorite activities etc. Let him know you're there if he wants to talk, but don't really try to pry. He'll tell you what he wants to when he's ready. Just let him know you still love him and everything will be fine.

Answer 6

When people go into they military they sometimes do change,most for the better,When people have to go into active combat it can be very hard on them,and sometimes they never recover from it.My dad served in the army during Vietnam,and before he went in from what I was told by my Mom and Grandparents,he was a nice kind loving young man,who never raised his hands to anyone,but after serving over there he came home with the worse attitude anyone could have he would slam my grandparents up against walls,And he stayed a very angry person,when we were little kids he would come in and beat us and our mom he drank all the time,he was not the nice man any more,And no this doesn't happen to everyone who goes in,the military is a great career,and a great experience,but expect changes,thankfully there are enough resources out there that military families can get help to over come all they experience while in there.I wish they had it then,Good luck and no matter what stand by him and support him as much as you can.

Answer 7

I think anytime you enter a new phase in your life, it's going to change you. People normally do change when they join the Military, and it's for the better. Those that may have lacked in responsibility before joining the service, suddenly realize that they have to take responsibility for their actions and their lives. They become more mature and focused.
My husband was already in the Military for 12 years when I met and married him nine years ago, so I never had first hand experience of what he was like before he entered. I know that he is a very sweet person, but he's also extremely motivated, ethical, educated, honest, hard working and responsible. Many of those qualities he got from being raised by wonderful parents, (His father also served 24 years in the Military) but his Military career has added to all of those things. My mother-in-law has told me that she really seen a change in him after he went into the Military. She said his sweet and caring personality didn't change, but that he had just grownup. And I see this with my nephew that entered the Army a few years ago. It's incredible to see how much he has matured! This was a person that just wanted to go through life without any responsibilities at all. He wanted to have fun and nothing else! But shortly after his twenty first birthday, he enlisted in the Army. My gosh, what a huge improvement! He is like another person! He knows he can't be irresponsible because a lot of people depend on him to get a job done. He's 23 now, I'm only ten years older then him, so we have always been more like brother and sister, and this is the first time I have seen him really behave like an adult! I really believe it's because of his decision to enter the service.
Yes, expect changes from your boyfriend, but they'll be good changes! Give him the support and love that he's going to need as he starts out in the Military, because believe me, this is just the beginning and Military life is always changing! I've heard more then one person say "Boot-camp was the easy part"
This is going to be a whole new challenge in his life, and yours as well if you intend on spending your life with him. I can't speak for all Military Spouses, but I know Military life for myself and my children has been very rewarding. It's not always easy, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Good luck to the both of you!

Answer 8

Well, times maybe hard, meet good and bad people. Sometimes, can shape up even our own characters. Can get addicted to smoking, drinking, porn magazines, porn content in any electronic media forms and masturbation as need to stay in camp for long time. Ideas about civilian world may change, slowly will start to have a feeling that civilian world is better, army is not the place for me. But if its compulsory service, then no choice. But even if been through **** ... the outcome, after come out, he is a true gentleman ... when in the army, he will blame it, hate it like hell ... and have some relationship problems, like losing gf etc ... but please, whenever he books out from camp, maybe weekends or what, time is precious for him ... so make sure ya give him the best time and understand his feelings, dont choose another bf and throw him. Then, yeah ... army makes a boy to a man. Thats all about it.

Singapore Armed Forces Soldier.

Answer 9

The military teaches most people to organize things better and to see reality differently. Fighting for something you believe in and defending your loved ones provides pride to those who are able to endure that life. What others need to do is understand there is nothing like watching those you know get blown up or die in your arms. After that You see the world vastly different than those that sit back in the states and believe the twisted news that reaches us. Remember to encourage your boyfriend to tell it like it is and let him know You are there for him through thick and thin. Do not let a day go by that you do not express your love and respect for him. It will pay big dividends when he returns. Keep Him open to discuss whatever is on his mind. Many of those that return block out loved ones to protect them.

Answer 10

Yes, they do. How different will he be? That's up to him and you. While I was in training my girlfriend (who is now my wife) gave me all the support I needed to make it. The calls home were often very short, but even in a 10 minute call, she would make me want to keep going back out there everyday to kick *** and take names. If you don't give him that support, and I've seen it happen plenty (I'm in Iraq presently)....he will get depressed, his work performance will slowww to a halt and he will be living a very real hell on earth. If you can keep him from having to worry about whats going on back home and help him to focus on his training, you'll get back your moneys worth when youre together again after his training. If he's worried about whats going on at home the whole time....then that along with the stress in the military will break him and all that will return of him will be a broken man.