Should I allow my son to reunite with his father that he doesn't know?

Question

I am recently divorced and I have two sons. My ex-husband has been with my oldest son since he was two and is the father of my second son. About 2 weeks ago, I was contacted by my oldest son's biological father. I haven't spoken with him in years. He informed me that he had tried to contact me several times and spoke with my husband who never told me any of this. He wants to see his son and make up for time lost and help with expenses. Problem is my ex husband is the only "Daddy" my son knows. I know this is probably not the best way to get advice but I am not ready to approach any of my loved ones with this. Serious advice only please

Answer 1

his biological father has the right to see his son regardless of how long it has been. and maybe the reason your ex did not tell you is because he feels like he is the real daddy to your son and does not want anyone to take his place. that's normal. but i think you should let him see is bio. dad, in small doses.but have him come to your place and spend time. don't let him just come and get your son, after all this man is a stranger.and after awhile when your son is comfortable with him, you can let him take him out of the house for an hour or so. and so on. but if you try to keep him from seeing him, that could end up getting nasty if he takes you to court. p.s. make sure you tell his bio. dad that you don't want him being confused by asking for your son to call him daddy. that will need to come in time. and he needs to respect your wishes.

Answer 2

I would have to say, let him come into your childs life slowly. and depening on your oldest childs age, you should know how he will react to this news. Of course with your husband and ex husband's permission, maybe introduce him as a friend of the family first, and let him get to know his son. That will also let you know, if your ex really wants to see the child or not. If your ex has alterior motives you will find out soon and your son would be none the wiser. Then you can find the right time to break the real news to your son after you feel that he can handle it. Your son will find out sooner or later that your husband is not the father and will want to know his own.

Answer 3

I am a daughter of a father that I don't know. I was adopted by a wonderful man when I was about 2. I totally consider him my dad without question.

For me and just is merely my opinion. I don't want to see my biological father. He abandoned me. I'm 27 and live in the same town he does and I wouldn't know him if I saw him. He has had 27 years to be my dad and hasn't.

I'm forgiving and would accept him but not as my dad.

If the real biological father wants to be a part of your son's life, I personally wouldn't hold him back. I would consult your son 1st (if he is old enough). I wouldn't want my son to ever ask me why didn't I know about my "real" dad.

I know it will be hard for you to do but it might be best in the long run. Why can't there be room for 2 dads?

I am thankful for my up bringing. My "real" father doesn't want anything to do with me, my parents may have gotten divorced but he was still my dad. It's his loss thou, he has grandchildren now and poor him that he does get to enjoy them.

Again, this is just my opinion. God Bless.

Answer 4

As the child of a father who walked out of my life... I say YES!!! let your child meet him. I hated my mother for keeping my father from me till I was 18, our bond has never been the same.

I met my father and feel instantly in love. Your child is a part of that man, irreguardless of the past... Things happen. My father passed away recently and I am SO happy that I had the chance to catch up with him, learn about him, be loved by and love him. My husband has a 5 year old daughter that he hasnt seen in 3 years (the tables are reversed, she left) I see the pain that he is living with on a daily basis, it's really, really sad and unfair. Maybe you could start out by asking your child if he wants to meet him...

Good luck, this situation sucks. Again, I say go for it.

Answer 5

Your son has a right to know who his real father is - for better or for worse. If your son wants to meet his real father, you should really not hold him back from doing so... if anything, he'll either find out that his real father is a real jerk and be glad that he's not in his life and appreciate you and his step-father more or he'll just have his father back in his life now. Either option would be a good thing overall.

Answer 6

Of course you should allow him access to his son. You didn't list the childs age but if the father wants a relationship with him you should allow it. It may work out, it may not but at least you gave it a shot. You didnt mention the circumstances regarding why he wasn't involved in the first place but this could be the start of something great. G'luck!

Answer 7

Yes your son deserves to have a chance to see is true father. Let your son make the decision it's up to him. The dad needs to be able to be involved in his son's life. Try it. What's the worst that could happen?

Answer 8

If the father has been trying to contact you regarding seeing his son, AND YOU TRUST HIM, I would allow it but not alone until you know exactly what this man wants. Nobody just comes out of the woodwork one day and says--gee, guess I'll be a dad now.
Be cautious but open. If you deny the child he may resent you later on when he becomes older and it's not worth it believe me.

Answer 9

The obvious thing to do is ask yourself if you BELIEVE that the father is sincerely thinking about YOUR child? Remember why he left...and never doubt any possabliltiy that he is going through a phase, and will leave whenever he gets bored orrr perhaps get what he wants. Then again, he might be an honest man...do you believe he is?

Answer 10

Going to be puzzling quite together with his spouse. Do you have an old album of photos that's the place to initiate. i could finally permit him know of your efforts to locate him. tutor in all the archives. How have been you waiting to talk to him if he can't talk english? call some interior reach Mexican American communities on your section and clarify the area. i'm valuable you will locate an interpreter as quickly as you clarify your subject.