Ladies only; I am horrible at relationships, is their some advice you can give a bad boy on being a"good guy"

Question

I am a self proclaimed bad boy and have taken care of my needs above all others. I am 43, have never been married, have no kids and have dated almost exclusivley early twenty somethings. I cheat on almost all of them. I want to break the cycle. I hooked up with a 41 year old women a week or so ago but that was just a one night fling. I just went out with a 36 year old women this weekend and we had a lot of fun. The night ended with me walking her to the door ( I can't rember the last time I haven't had sex on the first date ) and said good night. She called me Sunday and said she had a great time and would like to go out again. I like her and she is definetly different than the girls I usually date. She has been married once before and has 1 child. I am not a kid person and don't like having a kid around at all but for the first time ever I actually like someone for more than sex.I want this to work out, I don't want to just use her and get out. but am affraid I will. What do I do?

Answer 1

Well, as the saying goes, the first step is admitting you have a problem. You get a lot of respect from me for your candor.

First of all, relax. It sounds like you were able to be yourself with this woman. I think you finally see what an opportunity this is for you. When you are around her, appreciate her intelligence, her life experience, the maturity as a WOMAN that she brings to the table. Admire her confidence. While you're at it, be happy for yourself that she finds something appealing in you.

Resist the temptation to be stupid. If you respect her and value her as a person, you'll be less likely to do idiot things...like cheat and be bad. If you are tempted ask yourself two things: 1. How would you feel if she did this to you? 2. Where has being a bad boy gotten you? Frankly, it's nothing to be proud of, and you will not be able to deal with youngsters indefinitely, if they don't get tired of you first. Respect yourself enough to respect her; don't ruin it before it's had a chance to get off the ground. Take the chance and BE the Boy Scout, the one she'll brag about, the one she wants to introduce to the family. There's a lot to be said for that guy.

Treat your time with her as something precious, valuable and worthwhile. Look at where you are now and consider how different and more fulfilling you life might be. As we get older, we have fewer and fewer opportunities to change our pasts and be truly happy.

My husband was like you long before I met him. Unlike you, he got the last girlfriend pregnant and "did the right thing" by marrying her. Fifteen years, a bitter divorce and two dysfunctional children later, he's evolved. He learned some hard lessons. When we met, he had previously sworn off women (being bad to girlfriends eventually catches up with you). Less than a year later, we were married. Our 6th wedding anniversary is coming up in December. He tells me how lucky he is, and how much he loves me every day. I've never doubted him for a moment.

Be the Good Guy. You won't regret it.

Answer 2

I don't think it's any "out of the ordinary advice" But to break old habits is very hard and it's nice that you are actually trying! Women, well for that matter everyone likes honesty. You are not exactly being honest with this women if you don't like children. that may be a little to big of a step for you. Other than that be honest with yourself about what you really want and need to be happy. You will never find the woman that makes you something you're not. Only you can change that. I don't think knowing what you want and being selfish are the same things. It would be selfish to stay with a person you enjoy but not be honest with her or yourself that you don't like children. You will hurt her like all the others and maybe a child too. You better really evaluate why you like her and what you can handle especially with you old "bad boy" image on the line. Also, you my not get the chance to "use her and get out", you'll find women past 20 something don't play games anymore.

Answer 3

If and when the right person comes along you will change on your own. The difference between the woman you are talking about and the women you were seeing before is that you respect her. You are looking at her as more than a toy or a one night stand and that says a lot about how you feel about her. It sounds like you are a good guy that just hasn't found the person that makes you the happiest and that you respect more than anyone else. Just remember to always treat her like she is your equal and like she is a person not an object. Treat her with respect and you may end up with the best relationship you ever had.

Good luck and take care of this one...

Answer 4

Well it sounds like to me that you finally found a real women, Who seems to have a good head on her shoulders. I think that if you like her you need to give it a chance, a real chance to develop into something. As for her already being married just look at as you found someone who knows what it does take to keep a relationship going and just because she has been divorced doesn't mean she hasn't grown. And you have somewhat changed too, knowing that this is not your typical girl you fall for. As for her child give that time, you've never had any children or even been married so it is all new. Remember this women is a package deal. So maybe you all should do some stuff together. Good Luck I hope it all works out.

Answer 5

Give it time. Please don't delve into a relationship if you're not interested in being a father figure, you'll only screw up that child's life...

You may find that after some time passes, kids aren't as bad as you once thought they were.

For now, Take it slow & Keep it light.

You may want to talk to her about your problem with kids if the relationship gets serious.

One word of advice is never to persue a relationship that you don't forsee panning out well. So back out if you're still uncomfortable once some time has passed.

How old is the kid? Will he/she be moving out soon or will you have to play Daddy? It's all relative. If you don't like kids and this is a young child, I say do not persue the relatioship. If it's a teen...you should date for a long time and maybe the problem will resolve itself.

Answer 6

First and foremost you must like the child. You can make or break this child's LIFE and your relationship with the mother by excluding the child. You need your time alone with her, of course. But always take a child's well being into consideration. Next, I'm told by men that knowing how to satisfy a woman is every bit as good as satisfying yourself. If she loves you, she'll be working on the satisfying you part. You work up to the love with a woman with sexy gestures, like helping her with things like making a dinner together and cleaning up after wards together, all the while, letting her know that you think she's beautiful, kissing her on the neck, sweeping her off her feet with romance. Then cuddling up and talk about yourselves. Get to know each other. Women like talking and touching and kissing and caressing, in that order. You may find yourself getting attacked if you play your cards right. If you can pay enough attention to her reactions, she may get so excited that she can't help herself.

Answer 7

I'm a 41 yr old woman and I was just like you until I finally met the man of my dreams, settling down was easy when you're in love and respect the other person completely. I believe in that an instant attraction is required for lifelong satisfaction with somebody and a 1st or 2nd date without sex is an appointment, not a date in my opinion. I have been happily married for 17 years and we even have 3 kids, so please don't completely rule out her because she has a child. But please don't meet her child until you're sure you want to stay with her for a long time. Too confusing for kids. Good Luck.

Answer 8

You sound like a teenager or someone in their early twenties. Most people already have children and families by your age. My sister is 22 and has a husband and a child. You have a chance at a real relationship and not just a fling, learn to like her child. Children are really easy to get along with show this woman that you like her and that you can get along with her kid. Mums are usually really protective of their children so getting along with the child is a must. Ask the woman out on another date and carry on until your sure you like her. Good luck!

Answer 9

Your problem isn't that you're a "bad boy" - your problem is why do you treat women the way that you do. Is it the old commitment thing - or do you just not like women, so you use them and toss them away. Of course, I don't know what kind of women you date - so maybe they are no good in the long haul.
Why don't you slow down with this one if you think that she's special? And get to know her - who she is, what she likes, etc. etc. Maybe even romance her a bit. It's never to late to learn new things - and some day [in spite of Viagra] the sex will disappear because you won't want it anymore, and then what will you back it up with? Good luck

Answer 10

Well, the first step is admitting you like her and you don't just want to use her. So what if she has a kid...just don't be around her child. Only see her when she is available solo. if you really like this woman, you'll have no desire to cheat and use her. You never know...she may be the one for you. But if feel you must do all your bad boy things...be a man and break it off with her before you pull your bad boy tricks out of your bag. :-)