when i was 6 i was sexually abused by a man, he was a good friend of my mothers, and said he would kill me if i told her, lets not go into detail, but i hide the pain by bieng the opposite i how it really feels, happy and confident, but everytime male family members kiss me or go 2 touch me (friendly way, like when you laugh.) i step back and shiver, as i see his face on them, please help me speak out to my mum.
2006-10-23 07:48:11 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hello Charlotte,
I can not tell you how sorry i am that you have not only had this happen to you but also that you have spent so long having to deal with this alone. You need to talk to someone about this before you talk to your Mum. It may be tempting to talk to a friend first but i wouldn't advise that. Friends can be so well meaning and concerned for us that that chose to act alone and do what they think is best for you. You need to talk to someone who see's things from your world and not try to rationalise what you are telling them by their own experiences in their world. You can make an appointment with the nurse at your GP. You can talk to her and she can refer you to a counsellor. Counsellors are not there to sort your problems out, they are there to help you cope with things that have happened to you in your life. They provide a safe and confidential environment for you to be able to talk and then not worry if someone will tell your Mum before you are ready too. When you are able to talk to your Mum about this, she will go through a range of emotions herself and may not be able to comfort you right away ( only because she will be, confused and angry and feel guilty ) all of these reactions are okay but they are things she has to go through in order to be able to help and understand what you have been through. It concerns me that she may not be able to support you whilst those feelings are encompassing her. So you will need outside support whilst that is happening. If going to the Nurse bothers you, you can go to other sources of counselling ..... Childline, is a free phone number and they will listen to you for as long as you need to talk each time you call them. I really think it is important that you have this type of support. I wish for you dear Charlotte all the love and understanding possible, when this awful thing happended to you your were terribly young and not in control. You have already taken back some of the control to be able to be considering talking to your Mum about it. I hope you continue to get stronger. :-)
2006-10-23 18:03:55 · answer #1 · answered by literary_angel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm terribly sorry about your experience.
What you really need to know is that this is not going to go away. You will carry this for the rest of your life if you don't get professional help. You don't give your current age but since you don't address boyfriends or dating I will assume you are around 10 or 11 tops. That means you will live with this for a decade before you can get help on your own. That is a decade of a festering sore that will only get worse with time. Just extrapolate the situation into adolescence. You will want to date, go to dances and just hang out. All that will probably be at least a terror to you and at worst nonexistent.
So look at it this way, professional help is your best option, the sooner you receive it the better and your mum is the best place to start the process.
Good luck, I hope you can resolve this as the alternative is not very attractive.
2006-10-23 15:02:55 · answer #2 · answered by gimpalomg 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi there. I am so sorry to hear that. I don't know how it feels to be in a position like this and i can't imagine what it is like. But i am only 12 and when i was getting bullied i found it reallly difficult to talk to my mum about it. I wrote a letter and explained in it that i felt uncomfortable talking about it so i think that might be a good solution. I hope i could help. xxx all the luck megan
2006-10-23 14:54:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your Mum (if she's the way she's supposed to be) loves you. Therefore your wellbeing is most important to her.
Sit her down and before you start any revelations, tell her what you said here, that its a difficult topic. Let her know that you have needed to tell her, but didn't know how to. Perhaps you can tell her what you need from her is support and understanding, and more than anything you need her to believe you.
Then tell her the story. Be straightforward and honest. Hopefully it will go well. Maybe you can pray before you talk to her. I'll pray for you too.
2006-10-23 15:04:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i know how you feel from personal experience, consider talking to someone else first like a friend you can trust who you can take with you whilst you tell you mum. you do need to deal with this tho or your gonna just carry it along with you for the rest of your life and it'll ruin other relationships, i cant tell you how to deal with it as everyone has their own way, but dont make the mistake of burying it and trying to forget about it. find the courage to spk up. look at it this way, if you dont then the monster will still have a hold on you, you can break this and be on your way to dealing by spking out, he's counting on your fear that you'll stay silent. i implore you to seek help sweetie. good luck. x
2006-10-23 14:57:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Iam so sorry to hear that.. Maybe you should get some counselling. Talk to an expert they may even suggest in time bringing your mum to one of the sessions where you can both be supported by the counsellor. Good luck sweetie x
2006-10-23 14:55:14 · answer #6 · answered by pinkkitten 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've just got to bite the bullet and tell her straight. Tell her in detail if needs be. Whether or not she believes you, have you considered going to the Police and reporting it. Even though it was such a long time ago, it's never too late to start preceedings against the ba**ard that did this to you.
I think you should just tell her. Sit her down, and tell her.
2006-10-23 14:54:30 · answer #7 · answered by Ollie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You must speak to someone and you obviously find it hard to speak to your mum, so speak to someone outside the family first. I don't know how old you are but if you're still a child ring childline, if you're not speak to your GP and ask for counselling. but whatever you do don't keep it to yourself any longer
2006-10-23 14:55:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its Alright just tell ur mum and if he trys to kill you u ur father or mother will call the police ur family will protect you.
2006-10-23 14:56:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in my 30's before I could say anything, and even then I wrote my mother a letter as I couldn't talk to her yet.
2006-10-23 14:52:14 · answer #10 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋