how do people survive, teenagers?

Question

I feel like my son is trying to give me a heart attack. not that ive ever had one but he really raises my blood pressure. Since he was 13 he decided he wasn't going to attend school. My (child) out wieghs me and towers over me. I signed him up at high school and he still would not go. I do not have the help or support of the dad as the courts took away his parental rights in 2000 for being unfit and abuse issues.
My son now at 16 has a (phone) relationship with him. I beleive The dad uses this to turn my son against me. My son doesnt talk much to me anymore and when he does its really rude, and I'm very embarassed to admit this to anyone but he is always telling me to shut (tf) up. Go to my room...or calls me an idiot. I feel so disrespected and it really hurts.
I put him in home school to keep him in a school, any school.. but recently he wasnt applying himself at all and they wanted him out of that school. So now i'm at a loss.
He sneaks out of the house in early morning hours. I tried to talk to him about this and he told me I'm being an idiot and acting irrational when I told him I do not want him going out in the middle of the night. He said he will do it anyways and that all kids do.
I'm so embarrassed to be writing this but i'm at my wits ends. This child is running my house and my life. If things dissapear, he does not admit to taking those things. (he an I are the only ones here and I know I didnt take them) If I try to just be happy and sing through the house. He tells me to stfu, go to my room and his latest thing is to call me a f#gg@t.
I dont use drugs. I am tryng to maintain a respectful persona in the community. I work in a pharmacy. I am called (sweet), too sweet by my peers. I feel like this is the hardest time in my life and the biggest challenge and I feel like a failure.
And I desperately need to tak to someone. Please feel free to respond. Theres so much more going on here but I feel like I would be writing a book. His dad was/is an abusive man that I was advised by the police after a beating, to get far away from him. I did.
He took the kids from me and kept them hidden until the County Gave them back to me.
Both children refused counceling. The oldest is married now and my son is the hardest.
I told him I want to help him and that I love him. but he tells me to get away from him and dont touch him not even a kiss on the cheak or a hug. The house feels like a tomb. and now I find myself in my room alot and very depressed.

Answer 1

I really feel for you, but there comes a time when we as parents have to show our children tough love. I am far from a perfect parent, but I truly no know that the real parenting begins when they hit those teenage years.

I had similar problems with my sons when I was first divorced, being a single parent can be overwhelming, and can become depressing at times.

For starters you are not a failure, it just hard when you go thru a divorce to dicipline your children, because you feel guilty about the break up of the marriage, and you do things that you wouldn't normally do. You sit back and try to figure out where you went wrong, you didn't, great parents aren't born they are made by learning and experiencing different things.

No one can really tell you want to do, I can only offer my opinion:
1. When he sneaks out of the house lock all of the doors and windows so he can't get into the house. Did this to my sons after a couple of nights sleeping in the garage they got the point especially on those below zero days.

2. Stealing, shouldn't be tolerated at all. If he is stealing from you take away the things that he purchased with the money. If he didn't purchase anything that you can see with the money call the police the next time he steals. My son thought it would be fun to take my car, I work third shift, so when I got up to get ready for work I reported my car as stolen and told the police who stole it, I even pressed charges.

3. If your son is abusive to you it is time for him to leave, if he is not willing to go through some kind of anger management program.

My sons tried my patients every step of the way, they skipped school, stole, dabbled with drugs you name it. Finally I told them that it was time to hit the road. That it is only one boss in this house and that is me, if you have a problem with this it is time for you to be on your own. They each left for different lengths of time, when they saw that things weren't so bad at home they each came back. I allowed them to come back, but only if they were willing to meet me halfway.

If you need to talk you can e-mail me at [e-mail]

Answer 2

First of all, I'm very sorry for what you're going through, there is no way that I can say that I understand since I don't. With that said, it sounds like your son does need counseling. He's being verbally abusive to you, and the last thing you need is for your son to continue the vicious cycle of abuse that his father taught him. From what you've said, he sounds like he is very angry at the world and needs some way to get over it. My younger brother went though a time when he was very verbally and physically abusive to the family after our father left. He would say the same things your son is telling you, making the "f" word his favorite, and calling us sluts, whores, b---hes, the whole list of derogatory names. My mom put him in counseling against his (and our father's) will, this counselor made him become responsible for his actions and take consequences (good and bad) for everything he did. It took some time to see any changes, but slowly it happened. As a sibling to this, it was hard to watch. There were times I stepped between my brother's flying fist and my mom so he didn't hit her, but those days are finally over. My brother is now 18 and in the Army, and he couldn't be happier, he loves the dicipline he gets there, the daily routine and having expectations he knows he has to meet.
Although it may be financially and emotionally difficult for you to do, you might want to consider military school for your son. What he may need is the dicipline and routine and time away to realize that he has been doing, and that he has really hurt you. The time apart can give you some time to deal with everything that has been going on and it will give him a reality check that he isn't the one in charge, that you are and you deserve respect.
I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope that things can be resolved, and soon.

Answer 3

My heart goes out to you because after hearing what you had to say makes me feel like a .... only because i was the same way to my mom at that age.I found at that age i struggled alot to fit in .I would follow my peers good or bad.Unfortunatly what kids r going through outside the house affects there behaviour at home and he is taking his emotios out on you.We can't reallt stop them but don't give up an even if you do don't let him know your upset or he will use it more an more to get his own way you just keep trying to go to the root of the problem which most likely started at home with the abuse and dad.I have gone thruogh it myself and we have not been with dad for four years but my son who is going on 8 soon show very much in his behavour how is is feeling.He also uses the same tactics his father did to try to control me now i have gone through counsilling and that helped now when he gets angry he hurts the kids around him instead of going to someone no matter what age a child is you can't give in an at that age 16 they could be very mean and cruel hurtful etc...without a care in the world........i would cut off talking to his dad for one.then i would try being mean back at least that is what he will think when you try controlling a situation that he controls .Try boot camp or something simular if they have that in your area.I am sorry but if it was me i would invole the police to talk to him and go to counsiling i don't know but at 16 if you have the right to make him go then do it and take whatever procations they give if he doesn't even a half way house.maybe tlk to the parents of the kids he is going to see in the night or follow him around .He could be into drugs and or drinking and that is why the stealing.A job would keep him out of trouble but he would want that for it to happen.It would be school work or get out. i hope i helped a little and don't be embarred cause your not the only one going through this a million more r 2.

Answer 4

First you need to realize that you are the parent and you let him do this to you. Second if he cant respect you, then you need to flip his world upside down. It's obvious that you are paying the bills so its your house, not his. Go into his room and take everything.

He wants to act like an animal, treat him like one. Take the sheets off the bed, take the pillows, the curtians on the windows, the stero, the tv, take everything if you have to even the door! Put him out of his norm as he is doing you. Get a safe and lock your purse in it at night. Lock your bed room door so he cant come in while you are gone are sleep. Stop cooking for him. Stop buying him things. Block the calls from the prison to your house. Change the locks on the doors. If you have to, put a dead bolt lock on the doors.

Do everything you possibaly can to let him know you ain't going down with out a fight. He curses at you curse him back. Since you and him are the only ones there don't speak to him. If he tells you to go to your room, tell him to get out your house. But the bottom line is he is your child and let him know that.

I have a 16 year old and he is bigger and stronger than me. But never in his wildest dreams would he look to me as if I am a person to be fooled with. In my house I am the only female with a husband and six boys. Therfore disipline is not an option. This is somenthing that thas to start as soon as a child can walk. You should have made the both of them go to counceling but with the youngest you still can. Me personally I don't believe in counceling. I have 18 year olds twins, a 16 year old, 15 year old, and two 8 year old twins, and as I said they are all boys. And you can ask any of them and they will all tell you. "Mama ain't for no bullshit."

Answer 5

Wow! Just read my life story of a few years back. I really feel for you. I know exactly where you are at and how it feels. Hopeless is a good word! It just dosen't matter what you do or say to them,,they have all the answers. We as parents are just so out of it as for what they think of us.Well you said you are not on drugs? gaurantee that your son is using.Well mine when he was 15 got involved with some older bad characters and got himself in major trouble,ended up in a youth pen. He is now 24 and a very respectable loving man. He makes me proud to be his Mom! All I can say is you just have to hang in there,,as tough as it may seem somedays. You will get through it. You just keep telling him that you love him and are and always will be there for him no matter what. Tell him you don't agree with what he is doing and that it really hurts you with the way he is treating you.You will be a part of his life no matter what,because you are his MOM.

Answer 6

You would not. You might have to know the way to plant/develop/harvest/retailer/cook dinner plants, make water riskless to drink, and a number of different stuff. Can you inform the change among a mushroom you'll be able to consume and one with a view to kill you? Probably now not. And for those who desired to begin civilisation once more, you would not be in a position to reproduce healthful youngsters that effortless in view that 3 humans are not making a well genetic combine, and that is assuming you are now not all women or all boys. Better off simply letting the zombies get you.

Answer 7

I wish I had all the answers for you, I don't. I have raised three children of my own ( they are 28, 23, and 21 now ) I remember what a roller coaster ride it was. Teenagers are so difficult to deal with, one minute they're happy, the next they are mad at the world. I know it might be next to impossible to get your son to go to counseling, but maybe you should go for yourself, just for some help to get through this. In any case if you just want to talk, or need a shoulder, please feel free to e-mail me , I'm always here, and I've been there. My e-mail is [e-mail] Good luck sweetie, my thoughts are with you.

Answer 8

This sounds like a very hard time for you, as a mother, to go through this. If you want my personal opinion, I think its probably to late...you should have spanked him and given him disipline at home when he was young, then he would have grown up with respect for you, but ahhh, we can't dwell in the past...so now you have to let him know your not going to put up with this. Tell him your 'new rules' you know, no sneaking out, pretty much all that you want to be the rules. If he breaks them, then its time you kicked him out. He may be angry, but hey, he's going to have to learn to live with your rules.
It has to be really hard on you as a mom...
Oh, you could also try finding a boys home for him...I really don't know how much it cost to send a boy to one. I do know of several boys home around here. One guy I know does really good with them, and I don't think he charges an absolute fee, but I'll give you his number if you'd like, and you could at least talk to him some about it. He would probably have good advice for you.

Just email me if you want his phone #, since I don't really want to give it out over an open site. My email is [e-mail]

Answer 9

your son does not want to be your son.

you should feel no obligation to be a mother. if he wants to act like an adult, then let him be one. emancipate / disown him, and kick him out.

let him figure his own life out on the streets.

i know this sounds cruel, but you have no other options. he has already shown that he feels no inclination to listen to you. what can you possibly do that will change his mind? NOTHING. he already dominates you, why should he reverse it and submit?

he WILL NOT.

you must show him that you still have the upper hand.

Answer 10

You have two choices: surrender and let your son turn into whatever delinquint he is going to turn into.

OR

You can be the mom, enforce your rules, and hope that he has ANY amount of respect or love for you. If he hits you, call the cops, and get him into bootcamp.