I made big a mistake???????????is it too late to fix it for my son's sake?

Question

Two years ago i got pregnant with my son. I was not on good terms with my then bf and he hated the idea of becoming a parent he was still going through his bad boy phase.He dumped me and hooked up with someone else. At three months i lied to him and told him i lost the baby and was going to study abroad in England. I gave birth in London 6 months later and i did plan to tell him when i got back but when i heard he was still with the slutty girl he left me for i acted immature and kept my mouth shut.I will be finishing college at the end of this year thanks to the help of my parents. Problem is my ex.bf saw my son on campus last week and since then i have felt compelled to tell him that he has a son?Are there any legal remafacations to telling him?

I want to make things right and have my son now his father.

I dont now how to even tell him or how he will react has anyone been through this before?

His father seems to have changed a lot and matured a lot

Answer 1

Your son is not old enough for this to ruin his life. He has legal right to your son. If he chooses not be a part of his life then you will need to deal with that when it happens. Time changes people and its not fair to the guy if you don't at least give him a chance to step up and be a dad.

Answer 2

No. There is nothing that is too late. The problem is, are you brave enough to try to tell him that? Now is the best time, you know where he is now (God knows where he might go next week), your son is still in unconscious state (I mean, a child won't remember a lot of thing before age 3-5yrs old). Your child mightn't even need to know that he didn't have father until age 2 (well if you opt to not tell him).

And he can't sue you from telling him because 1) he left you 2) you're on the better position, if he asked for blood test, DNA test, or any test. And even if he does sue you (since he isn't likely to do so, especially if the child has been proved to be his child), you're on the much better position, because 1) you're the child's mother 2) he is the father, so court would make him pay for child support 3) you're the one that has cared for the child all this time.

And you could even relate to him again, fix your relationship with him (well if you wish to do so, and if conditions are permitting). Just tell him when both of you are in a good mood.

And since the father has matured, well, you don't have anymore, the old reason why you don't tell him when you've just got back from London.

Answer 3

Your boy needs his father, even if it's 2 years late. He can start building the relationship with him now, and in 10 years, nobody will remember the past 2 years, just do it. However, what will it be like in 10 years if you don't fix the past now?

The only legal ramifications come in the form of custody, and there's librarys filled to the brim with those ramifications. However, nothing too big unless people want to start moving out of the country.

BTW: Be prepared for lots of anger and denial. If that happens, just tell him, "You have the right to be mad, and I'll give you some time for that, but your son needs you. I'm very sorry for what I did, and I'm sorry for the bombshell. Now, I'll call you in a few days to see if you've calmed down, because you're not meeting your son in this state."

Be apologetic, but be firm in your intentions. At some point, you may have to remind him of the troubles you went through due to your decision, just to let him know how much it hurts you too, but remind him, he has a son whehter he likes it or not.

Answer 4

Well you have to ask why you want to tell him. Is it just because you want your son to have a father? Or is there some selfish reason behind it? Are you hoping by telling your ex about his son he may be willing to come back and be with you? Those are just some of the things you have to think about.
Also be prepared to share your son with him once he finds out. That is of course assuming he even believes you. Then there is your ex's gf factor, are you willing to share your son with her as well? Since it seems your ex is in a long term relationship with this girl. Even though your ex does deserve to know, and your son needs a father and should know who his father is, there is no reason that someone else in your future would not be able to be a good father/father figure to your son.

Answer 5

I would tell him for the child support reasons, and "doing whats right" thing, but also, kids without fathers typically grow up highly disliking that father because he abandoned them. Now the kid is going to "hate" you, not the dad - Unless you tell him he was abandoned by the dad. At least give the father a chance to be a father, and if he doesn't "step up" deal with it then.

But please get child support from him either way. To many people don't force it, and in the end its the child that loses - and the immature father gets to think he doesnt have consequences for his actions.

Answer 6

There should not be any legal ramifications in telling or not telling. Really it is up to you especially because he did not want a child and he left you because of it(considered abandonment btw). Do what you feel is right. Your son does have the right to know his father if he is going to be a father.

Answer 7

This is a question you are going to have to answer for yourself. But for what it's worth, we all make mistakes, it's what we do to rectify the situation is what counts.
My question to you is what kind of person is your ex-BF? Is he into drugs, gang, etc...Do you feel he is a threat to you or your child? If not and he is a good person, would you want your child to grow up without a father? When your child grows up and asks who is my daddy (and they will) what will you say? You have to look into the future for the sake of your child.
You are a grown woman, and now a mother; take the higher road and do what you thinks is in the best interest for your child! Regret is hard to erase. Legally I don't know, if he rejects the child and you know the child is his and you are wanting child support, your best option is to see an attorney. Good luck!

Answer 8

You should tell him and explain that you don't want anything from him or any contact with him. If he is as bad as you say, the child would be better off without him. But people change and you always want to leave the door open in case your child wants to know who his father is.

Legal ramifications could be that he require a blood test, he could be forced to pay child support or if he could somehow prove you unfit, he could take the child away from you.

I hope this helps.

Answer 9

I don't think that there are any legal ramifications but he will probably want a paternity test. Your son is entitled to know who is father is and his dad has a right to know that he exists. You are correct in saying that you acted immaturely but it is not to late to do the right thing. Good luck

Answer 10

no legal things that I know of. Just don't lie to your son. Make sure his name is on the birth certificate and if he askes then don't lie. As far as the father, i would tell him, but not push for anything. If he wants to be involved then he will be.