I had a baby by c-section in may. While doing this the doctors found I had ovarian cancer. I had surgery in August. Because of all of this my husband ended up using all his vacation and sick time at work so we were unable to go visit his grandma that lives 5 hours away as planned. We found out that she died last night. I feel so guilty for us not being able to go visit one last time. Is it my fault and if it is, is there any way to make it up to him?
2006-10-23 07:04:34 · 47 answers · asked by Jessica_Bessica 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No, it's not your fault! You can't help the fact that you had cancer! It's just how life works. He made the choice to stay with you and be there for you, and there was no way to predict that he would be unable to see his grandmother. Just be there for him and help him grieve.
2006-10-23 07:06:25 · answer #1 · answered by techwiz2000_2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God No! Its not your fault. Thats some horrible things that you both had to go through all at the same time. But you know, When one dies another is born. Life goes on. I know you must be feeling guilty that he missed visiting with his grandma, but his priorities were where they should be with you and the baby. Maybe it was better that he wasnt there for that. Everything happens for a reason. Dont feel like you have to make anything up to him, YOU DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG. Maybe let him know that your concerned about him by making him a collage or something like that. Keep your head up, your the one who needs support right now.
2006-10-23 07:30:41 · answer #2 · answered by Aries 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you shouldn't feel guilty just comfort him. Its not your fault you had to have a c-section or had to have surgery or that his grandma died. That is called life on life's terms. Sometimes things happen that we cannot always be there for... Unfortunately!
And if you think about what could you make up for. You both need to enjoy the baby and accept that death does happen but to remember the good times with Grandma. I'm sure she wouldnt want you to feel guilty if she were around ....
2006-10-23 07:11:35 · answer #3 · answered by Jewelz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not your fault you had cancer and a baby at the same time. Even if it was, how do you make up the death of a person? Don't feel guilty and if he's giving you the guilt trip, maybe you guys should go to counseling and work this problem out. With the stress of having cancer and a young child, I would imagine you would already have a family therapist.
2006-10-23 07:09:06 · answer #4 · answered by craftykid22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not your fault!!!! NO NO NO! It is not your fault that you had ovarian cancer. It sounds like you have an awesome husband that is willing to do anything for you, he obviously wanted to take those sick days to help take care of you. I'm sure your husband doesnt think its your fault by any means. Dont feel guilty, you did not kill his grandma, you were not a cause to her death, therefore it was not your fault she died. And you had ovarian cancer, he took the time off to help you and make sure you were alright. Dont feel guilty for something you didnt do, just console your husband about his grandma because i'm sure he is grieving. Good luck
2006-10-23 07:08:14 · answer #5 · answered by Ricki M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No this is absolutely not your fault... You could have very well answered your question yourself... First off you are wrong, you did not have a baby by c-section, you all (this is your husband- without his sperm the baby would't have existed), you are not in control over what happens to you health wise... Now if you were being a bit push and did not want him to leave, then just pray about that and let the LORD lead you to a peaceful mind... You can not take away the past but you can be a wife and be there for your husband... Don't turn this to a "YOU" situation, he lost his grandmother (not because of you) and he needs to grieve and mourn... Just pray for the both of you.... "You'll be alright...
2006-10-23 07:15:50 · answer #6 · answered by Dani_n_keem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not your fault, you didn't ask for cancer, he was being a supportive husband and tried to be there for you. Neither of you should feel at fault for a fate such as yours. I'm sorry for the death but it wasn't your fault nor you husbands' he's probably feeling sad but these should be the happiest day of your life youi just had a beautiful baby and you guys should be there for your baby. Maybe you can organize a family reunion and invite all of your family members that you like and have a party,to remind you the family you still have in your life ...Maybe it will become a family tradition with football, and hotdogs and fun with friends and family
2006-10-23 07:15:20 · answer #7 · answered by kandi61689 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hon, there was no way either of you knew what what was going to happen.
he made the decision to be with you and help you through a very difficult time. and if he used his sick time and vacation doing so...that was his decision to do it.
not putting 'blame' on him...the choice to be with you was a good choice. it just happen to take up all the time you guys were wanting to visit grandma.
there was no way you would have known. no way at all. and he should understand that.
things happen every day to everyone without warning.
the only thing to do know is be there for each other during this time of grief.
feeling guilty is normal, understandable. but you must ditch those feelings and face this world head on. there are many more obstacles coming your way, overcome them together.
my blessings and prayers go out to you and your family at this time. be patient with yourself and your husband. give each other time. most importantly, do not feel guilty.
make it up to him? simple little things. little love notes in his pockets, in the bathroom-so he will see it when he wakes up, lots of hugs/kisses, favorite dinner/lunch, get a babysitter, and take him somewhere, where you 2 can be alone, and just talk, whatever. give him some time with you.
2006-10-23 07:14:47 · answer #8 · answered by dragonsclaw27 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you should not feel guilty.. you were haviing problems of your own that were very important for you life and well being. He could have went on his own. taking one more day off work would not make any difference at that point after all it was a sick family member.. sorry he didn't get to see her the last time but 5 hour drive isn't that much and he could have been there for her too. unless he needed to be near you for your care.. sorry he missed his last chance to talk.. but like every death in the family it just takes time to get over such a thing. and remember he still has you there by his side to help him get through this.
be very compassionate. and give him time.. he will be fine. sounds like a strong man you have there.
good luck and stay healthy..
congrats on the baby.
2006-10-23 07:10:36 · answer #9 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is in no way your fault and your husband should realize that it is not your fault. You could have died yourself if you had not had the surgery and your husband would have lost his wife and the mother of his baby. I am sure his grandmother would not have wanted you to give up your life so that you could come for a last visit. Please don't blame yourself. Good luck to you and your family.
2006-10-23 07:07:50 · answer #10 · answered by Libragal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh sweetie, it is SO NOT YOUR FAULT!
My goodness, dont even think that!
There's too many "what if's" here, what if they didnt find you had ovarian cancer when you had the c-section, what if they found it later, what if gramma had been able to get better, etc.
NOT
YOUR
FAULT!
Stay strong! I think gramma is watching over your family, comfort yourself in that. Everything happens for a reason, it might not seem so at the time but it does....
2006-10-23 07:07:24 · answer #11 · answered by Munya Says: DUH! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋