We have custody of our granddaughter and everytime that we are to do something it had to involve her-she is 4 years old. We haven't been out alone in over 2 years.....i ask him to do things but it is like he is scared to leave her with a sitter which is usually a relative if she is left when either of us has to work and daycare is closed...I feel as if he is in love wth her more than me and I just want some adult time....he doesn't like it when i go out with the people i work with after work in a group of friends but there are times that i need some adult talk not kid talk.........any one out there with any ideas....i am willing to try anything...............
2006-10-23 06:30:59 · 23 answers · asked by old lady 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think I'd just be upfront and tell him exactly what you have said here. Tell him you need " Adult Time" ALONE with him. My husband and I have three children and you can bet every so often I get a sitter and he takes me out. On a date. Just me and him.
If your granddaughter is left with someone else while the two of you work, then he should be ok leaving her while you go out.
This is not selfish behavior and you are entitled to time alone with your husband.
2006-10-23 06:38:30 · answer #1 · answered by stacye5398 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's wonderful that he is so protective of your granddaughter, but he is being unreasonable. You say she is left with relatives and daycare. So it isn't that she isn't used to being with others. As others have said, you need to just tell him you have to start having some nights out together. Parents do this occasionally, so why shouldn't grandparents?
Are there any responsible teenagers in the neighborhood? If not, see if a relative would sit for an evening. You two need time alone to have a healthy marriage---not only for you both, but for the sake of the child. She needs time with children her own age, and she gets that at day care. But adults need time alone away from the child, too.
You will have to stick up for your rights, or your marriage will suffer more than it already is. Good luck!
2006-10-23 07:22:39 · answer #2 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your husband it suffering from a lot of insecurity. He needs the granddaughter for all the love and attention she gives him. And yes, it's not the same as yours, and yet he can't appreciate what you are offering. Plus, he doesn't want you spending your time with work friends because it takes time away from him. But when you are with him, he's not appreciative of your time. The bit about being afraid to leave the child with a sitter is a smokescreen. He doesn't want to be alone with you. And right there, is what you need to explore. Either he's afraid, or disinterested, or insecure. Whatever, you need to strenghten your relationship together if this is going to work. Try counseling.
2006-10-23 06:37:41 · answer #3 · answered by Arnold M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to make arrangements.
How about a friend or a relative being the "sitter"? Then you spirit him away to Steak Heaven or The Chop Shop and have an adult evening (The ability to talk freely about grown-up matters without having to hide behind euphemisms)
2006-10-23 06:34:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you simply have to make your wants known. Tell him you love him, you understand his reservations but yet you're afraid your relationship with him will suffer if he doesn't start making different decisions.
Then, suggest trying one babysitter for a Sunday afternoon and only about 2 hours or so. You and he just go to the park and have cell phones with you. Start building trust with the sitter and he'll start to relax. Maybe stay close to home at first. I think it's sweet that he cares for the little one. All the other stuff aside, you have a wonderful hubby!
2006-10-23 06:34:24 · answer #5 · answered by Dr. Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just be honest, tell him how you feel and make him understand that you need him as well, he may feel that your granddaughter doesnt intrude on your time alone with him, so the best thing you can do for now is include her in whatever plans you make. You feel neglected, and perharps a little jealous,thats quite natural, don't be angry but take it slow and give him reasons to appreciate you and one day he'll leave her with the sitter and take you out!
2006-10-23 06:38:29 · answer #6 · answered by kbabes 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him what you posted here; that you need adult talk. The big thing is that children should never be put before the marriage. You really should stress that relatives would be sitting her, not total strangers and she'll be fine. Good luck!
2006-10-23 06:35:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try buying a pair of tickets to an entertainer who is known for adult-rated performances or get a pair of theatre tickets. Even tell him you want to meet him for a drink in a bar. Those are all kid-free venues.
2006-10-23 06:35:49 · answer #8 · answered by Rich Z 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well dear. You did take on the responsibility of your grand daughter. I know, I am there myself. Mine is 8. We have no time along either, but that's what happens when we take our kids kids. I don't blame your husband really, cause you do have that kid for a reason. for myself, I wouldn't want any family member to babysit either.. I 'do' have her for a reason, and a time out alone is not the answer for anyone abusing my granddaughter.
try putting her to bed, and have some alone time then.
2006-10-23 06:35:46 · answer #9 · answered by Jas 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him straight up that you just want some time ALONE with him. Your granddaughter will be fine. If he doesn't listen, then I would suggest counseling, he needs to learn to let go.
2006-10-23 06:33:50 · answer #10 · answered by S. Elizabeth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋