and just plain negative. I know it's important to not shut people out but what if it's a double edged sword with some, more stressful than not & you feel they are helping just to ease some sort of guilt? Is this selfish to feel this way? I have had to tell a few that are like this to continue their support through prayer & that is how they can help best.
2006-10-23 06:27:25 · 7 answers · asked by COblonde 3 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Cancer
Cancer diagnosis.
2006-10-23 06:51:18 · update #1
If support comes at a price you don't need this and it is a type of control over you. Thank them for their "support" and don't call on them when you are in need, call a true friend or someone you know won't judge you.
You didn't say what you needed support for, and you are lucky that they even offer support people who are disfunctional and judgemental don't usually offer help.
2006-10-23 06:32:07 · answer #1 · answered by Neptune2bsure 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may come as a surprise to some, but recognize the fact that just because somebody is a family member doesn't automatically make them having the best of your interest in their mind.
If someone's (family or not) suggestion does not help you, you should decide to not seek their assistance and in some cases, ask them to keep out of your business.
Bear in mind, though, just because someone's opinion or idea is hurtful and seemingly negative, that does not automatically make them unhelpful. Sometimes, YOUR idea is so off skewed, their RIGHT idea may seem wrong and hurtful. (I am not saying it is the case here, however) Be sure to evaluate their ideas carefully.
Also evaluate your idea carefully and be certain, it is what is best for you, not just what you want to hear.
2006-10-23 06:40:22 · answer #2 · answered by tkquestion 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to surround yourself with the happiest, brightest and most positive things in your life for optimal health and healing. This includes family members or well wishers too. Perhaps choosing a spokes person to keep the rest of the family in the loop could help to bridge the gap and keep you free from the negative personalities.
Selfish? no. WISE, yes.
I wish you well!
~Coleen
2006-10-23 06:51:06 · answer #3 · answered by iamcreen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your own solution sounds pretty good to me.
I'd say: try talking to them first, if they don't listen cut them out of your life, at least for the time being.
This may sound really harsh but when you are fighting cancer you need all your energy to get better. Cancer treatment can be extremely draining and you don't need people around you that suck the energy out of you.
My partner and I had problems like this with some of my inlaws. We tried talking to them over and over again but they just didn't appear to be listening.
We have actually told them to their faces that their behaviour was making things worse for us. We have offered suggestions how they could support us. But to no avail.
Although it hurt a lot, we had to decide to keep them at distance for the time being :-(
Good luck to you.
2006-10-24 04:06:14 · answer #4 · answered by Judith 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is best to be honest. Honest to yourself and to your family.
Firstly it is okay to feel stressed and annoyed at your family. It is your feelings about the situation. And you have a valid reason for feeling this way.
Be honest to your family. Tell them whats going on for you. They may not realise they are doing it. Often they truly do care but their actions are not showing it.
In the end it is your life and you need to do what you feel is best. If you have prayed about it then trust God and stay close to Him through this time. People do let us down, but God is always there.
All the best. My prayers are with you.
2006-10-23 06:43:48 · answer #5 · answered by Nic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are we from the same family or what?
I would definitely cut my family out if I were very sick. Don't leave me alone in a room with THEM!
You could also tell them you are very tired and the phone wakes you. Hand written notes of encouragement would be more appreciated so that you can look at them again and again. (Or rip them up...)
ALso, you might tell them that you shouldn't come in contact with many people because your immune system is low and you can't afford to catch something from them.
Hopefully you have kind friends who will help you out and even act as a barrier to unwanted guests or even screen your phone calls and mail for you.
2006-10-23 06:41:31 · answer #6 · answered by allkell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your answered your own question. You were right on with telling them to continue their support with prayer. Stay strong and take time for yourself while dealing with your problem. My prayers are with you.
2006-10-23 06:32:21 · answer #7 · answered by mac 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋