Anyone else considering putting there baby up for adoption?

Question

I live in wv and am considering adoption and was wondering if anyone else on here was doing the same thing.I was just looking for someone that I could talk too and would understand what im going through.

I'm putting the baby up for adoption because I know im not ready to be a parent.I got out of high school at 15 and was in collage by 16.I had no plans of getting pregnant, but I was raped and I did, so im giving him up.I know it'll be hard, but I don't want my baby to suffer.i only want whats best for him.

Answer 1

I'm 38, have never had a baby, never wanted to have a baby, never been raped... but I've grown up in a small Southern town, and I know certainly what it's like to want to better yourself against great odds.

And now that I'm a teacher, helping young people your age is what I do. You are doing what is right for you. YES, put your baby up for adoption. It is a hard decision but the right one in many ways, and I'll explain.

If at all possible, if you have it in your heart, if you could bear it, leave the adoption open not so that you could take the baby back -- I don't think you would want to, given the circumstances of its conception, nor do I think as a college student you could afford it -- but so that this child could come find you, talk to you, re-connect. There could be great healing in this for both of you, later in life, in ways you cannot know now.

There are many reasons for leaving that window open. On the most practical level, if your child grows up, gets married and wants to start a family, s/he needs to know about his/her medical background. Obviously s/he cannot know about the father's background, unless he is caught and DNA tested.

But on another level, this child needs to know why s/he was given up for adoption. (Just to make things easier, I'm going to just go with she and her.) And you need to say that you loved your child but you were young, poor at the time, and you were taken advantage of cruelly. But you wanted to give this child a chance, so you brought her into the world, and then made a hard decision to give her up to a family who could raise her right.

Right now, your responsibility is to become the best person you can be. Get your education. Get your career going. And above all, whatever else you do, get rape crisis counseling. You need it and deserve it. If you know who raped you, report it. The statute of limitations is usually five years on rape, but it may vary from state to state. See the rape prosecution through, unbelievably hard as that may be. Your child deserves to know that her mother was strong, and brought the man who took advantage of her to justice. From her birth to age 18, so long as he works, he is also legally responsible for her, and part of his paycheck can be garnished to take care of her. You need to talk to a lawyer about your and her legal rights.

There are many here who would say to keep the baby, but for you, given the nature of the conception and the region of the US where you live, this would severely hamper the chances of you and your child of having a good life. The South is not an easy place for women to grow up. It's not an easy place to prosecute sexual offenses. It would, I imagine, possibly make a pariah out of a child conceived of rape. I am sure you want to give your child all the chances for a good life she can have. I am also sure that, as your child grows up, if you kept her, she'd want to know why people look at her differently, treat her differently, whisper about her. As a woman from the South, give that baby up for adoption. You need a new direction in life and a new identity. Fortunately you are young enough to do this. I'd REALLY recommend an out-of-state college as well, and the money is out there.

What you want now is to do the right thing for both yourself and your baby. I do not believe in sacrifice; it just makes you resentful. There needs to be healing and a win-win solution for you and for your baby. For you, I'd say go to college, get your education, re-claim your life, and make a huge success of yourself. And go to college out of state. Don't bury your past, but getting the heck out of Dodge can clear your head and clear the air and clear up the gossip, too.

Whatever you do, don't feel sorry for yourself, allow others to feel sorry for you or your child. Reclaim your life! As hard as it may be, research rape and find out how not to be a victim again. Once a woman is raped once, she stands a seven-fold chance of being raped again. You are going to have to be strong, so very strong, stronger than you know or realize. It's a good thing you are young and have that strength within you. I know you can do it.

Good luck in college. I hope your mother and father are strong, forgiving, compassionate people. I hope you live in a town where you are liked and understood. I hope the police catch and prosecute your rapist, and that you are not put on trial. I hope that your child grows up in a loving family who will raise her right, give her strong values, a good education and a solid, secure home life. And for you, I hope you graduate college with honors, get the job you need, want and deserve, and make a huge success of your life, whether it is in West Virginia or further afield.

You have my blessings and hope and prayers, and I hope that only good things come to you for the rest of your life. Stay the course; stay in school. Give your child to a loving family, grow yourself into an educated young person, and get your life on track.

God bless you and good luck, good luck, good luck!
Cheers, K

Answer 2

Believe me, do I know what you are talking about. All though I am a single mom with 5 sons, ages 15,13,10,9,2. Back in 1003 I was raped by my now ex-boyfriend. I was contemplateing an abortion and adoption. I however could not do either one of those because my insides felt guilty, and I felt that by giving my last son up for adoption was like ripping a piece of me out at the same time. I am now struggling with raising my five sons, and wish that I could have been more strong willed and given up not only my baby, but perhaps some of my other sons too. They would have a much better life than what they have now. I believe the decision is up to you, but think long and hard, because I feel if a parent gives up their baby, they should totally give the child up all together and not be allowed to take the child back from the only parents it has ever known. So just think about it long and hard and make sure that is what you want to do. Write down all the good things about keeping the baby, and all the bad things about keeping the baby, and all so write down the good and bad things about giving the baby up for adoption and see what out weighs the other. I know once women lay eyes on their baby when it is born it is so hard to give that baby up for adoption. I know in the end you'll see a child in the streets and say to yourself is that my child? Do you want to always have doubts in your mind? this is why I say to think long and hard about it. Good luck in what ever you decide to do. There are a bunch of people out there that can't have children and would love to adopt a beautiful little baby like yours. And there are some people that think they want to have a baby, and would be bad, and abusive to children.

Answer 3

I have an 8 year old. I had her when I was 15, and like you, wanted to give her up for adoption. Her father convinced me to keep her, and now is no longer in the picture. I love my child SO much and she is an amazing person, but would I go back and change the decision I made? Probably, yes.... She would have had such a great life (I found out my aunt, who is a great parent and also very well off financially was wanting to adopt her had a put her up), and as much as I love her, I wish I could have given her more. I have put her through so much just for the simple fact that I grew up right along with her. I am finally able now to be a good mother, but only after years of not being a good one because I wasn't ready for the responsibility. As much as you may think you could be ready, you won't be until you are older. You have so much life to live and so much growing to do yourself! I'd say you should do an open adoption, which means you are able to interact and receive pictures of the child up until a certain age. You are able to pick the parents and even involve them in the pregnancy and allow them to be there when your child is born. This is a wonderful option for someone who is in your situation. Please go to www.directory.adoption.com. YOu can sort it by the agencies in your area. God bless you in whatever decision you may make!

Answer 4

You have to decide what is right for you. You do have many options with adoption. You can break all ties and not have any information if you think it would hurt you too much or you can chose an open adoption. You could chose a private open adoption and decide along with the adoptive parents just how open you would like it to be. You could recieve pictures and letters, phone calls, visits, any or all of the above. It depends on what you would like and what the adoptive parents could be comfortable with. Maybe you have a relative that would take the baby? You should explore all of your options before you make a decision. Talk them over with someone objective and make sure you know what you want.

Answer 5

Just follow your heart. You have to think of what is best for the child in the long run. Have you told your parents? Can they help you out if you choose to keep the baby? If you choose to put the baby up for adoption there are many many wonderful couples who are able to provide everything your child may need (my husband and I are hoping to adopt soon). It's very common for teens your age to feel confused, especially when the father is not a boyfriend. Good luck. Talk to your parents, a teacher, a pastor, or someone else that give you another perspective.

Answer 6

I had my 2nd baby a week ago and put her up for adoption and she is doing wonderful with the loving, caring family that I had chosen for her. It is a very hard decison and you will feel a sense of loss, but you will just haved to work through it and just know that if you feel you are not ready to be a parent then, adoption is the best thing for your child. When I made my decision it was very hard, but I know that my child is in a very loving, caring environment, and I know that I made the best choice even though it was the hardest ones I have ever made in my entire life. You are doing the right thing.

Answer 7

You can talk to your ObGyn and they can help you or guide you to someone that can help you with this difficult decision.

Just remeber that you're doing a noble thing by giving a baby to a couple that might not otherwise be able to have one.

It's really hard to have a baby on your own, especially if you don't have family or a husband to support you. A baby is very, very emotionally, physically and financially demanding. Talk to your own momma. If she doesn't know about the baby already, she may be hurt when she hears the news but she won't love you any less and if anybody knows how you feel, it will be your mother.

Good luck.

Answer 8

I have a 2 year old and they are so hard. They need so much and its not always easy being able to give it to them. Depending on how old you are and your personal curcumstances, you must decide whats right for your baby and you. I think for some people its the best thing they can do for their baby. Maybe you could do an open adoption.

Answer 9

I commend you for doing this. it is very hard I am sure. I have never given a child up for adoption, so I can only guess as to how you are feeling, but I just wanted to say that I am impressed that you have made a desicion that is in the best interestes of your child.

Also it is noones business why you have decided to give up your child, it is your business. If anybody has something bad to say about it, they can go jump in a lake.

Answer 10

No. It's no longer practically handling the child after the being pregnant/adoption problems, it is approximately the being pregnant. The option to have an abortion is every now and then extra of an problem of the being pregnant than of elevating a youngster. An adoption, whether or not open or no longer, utterly exclusive or no longer, handles elevating a youngster, however no longer the being pregnant itself. These women/ladies can flip to adoption to care for the drawback of elevating a youngster, however it does not anything to care for the drawback of getting to suffer nine months of being pregnant. If that is anything a woman/lady does no longer wish, it is anything she will have to no longer be pressured to do, irrespective of the instances of the being pregnant.

Answer 11

I did not give up my daughter but a coworker of mine has a 6mth old daughter that she gave up for adoption. She is happy with her desicion because her daughter is with a couple who are well off financially and they weren't able to have a child themselves so she gets a lot of love. She gets pictures of her daughter every 3 mths and can visit her when she wants.

Your baby will be loved and tooken care of. Good luck with the process and you are making the right decision.