My boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years. Just yesterday he told me that I am smothering him and that I need to get a life of my own. So... I'm avoiding him. I'm not going to answer his calls, and even though my birthday is on wednesday, I don't want him around me unless it's his decision. I work hard during the day, and go to school nights. Every minute of time that I get, I want to spend it with him. Is that wrong? I love him, and would spend the rest of my life with him in a heartbeat, but why doesn't he want to spend time with me, like I do with him? Anyway, if he needs "space", then I'll give him space, the question is am I doing the right thing in putting so much distance between us, or am I just making things worse?
2006-10-23 06:11:53 · 19 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It seems that people keep thinking that I'm not independent, or that he is not independent. I am very independent... I take care of a lot of things on my own, I don't have many friends because I don't have time for them and I would rather not have friends than be a bad one! He gets to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants... I'm not demanding and I never tell him that he can't do something that he doesn't want to do. Am I asking to much from him to put as much love and devotion into this relationship as I am? I'm so busy I hardly have time to myself, but I want to keep our relationship alive and growing, so I devote as much of my time to him as possible, if he truly cares about me shouldn't he do the same?
2006-10-23 06:22:18 · update #1
I don't think you should avoid him or ignore his calls. That's immature. Why play games? You have been together for 3 years. The two of you should be able to sit down and talk about the situation....come to some sort of agreement / understanding.
2006-10-23 06:15:38 · answer #1 · answered by Wendy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually I was in the same situation a couple months ago. Have you become more needy or dependent than before? Probably not. After this long the two of you are probably just in some kind of routine. When someone says you're being smothering, usually it means they want their freedom. I would do exactly what you're doing, back off, give him some space and then one day come up with something fun to do that you know you'll both enjoy. Something neither of you have ever done before; spark some excitement. When you're young routines can get dangerous, and sometimes you need to stir things up a little. If you love this boy the worst thing you could do is turn pshyco or controlling. Give this boy exactly what he's asking for and then sit back and see if that is really what he wanted. You can't make someone love you, but you can honor and respect them and ask for the same in return. Happy Birthday!
2006-10-23 13:23:33 · answer #2 · answered by Pirate Hooker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are like that they want there distance when they see you too much. My boyfriend and I spend some time together during the week. We make a special night for Saturdays that we go to the movies an dinner. They feel like you smother them other wise. I would give him some time for him self.
2006-10-23 13:18:32 · answer #3 · answered by red1967 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are probably doing part of the right thing right now. Don't be readily available for him if he isn't for you. If he calls, call him back a few minutes after he calls you instead of avoiding him completely. Do your own thing for now and he will hopefully open his eyes and come around. If not, that sounds like you might need to consider not being in the relationship anymore.
2006-10-23 13:16:27 · answer #4 · answered by Earthy Angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably wants you to have your own friends and interests, just like he probably wants the chance to do things without you every now and then. I would take him literally - get your own life. This however does not mean that you have to be shutting him out, I think that he is asking you to be more independent and wants the same for himself - more independence.
2006-10-23 13:15:57 · answer #5 · answered by Brainiac 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are going to make things worse. He hurt your feeling and that is undrestandable but you have to reliaze he was just telling you how he felt. Try to relax. Let him know how you feel and why you want to spend all your free time with him. Do not alianate him you will force him away. Answer this calls just act a cooler for awhile and see what happens. Good Luck Sweetie
2006-10-23 13:16:39 · answer #6 · answered by Jax 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may be over reacting about this situation...
I mean avoiding him and not answering his calls is a little extreme. He probabally just wants you to do somethings on your own time just like he wants to. I understand that you love him. And he loves you but talk to him and give him some space.
2006-10-23 13:30:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The boy is a fool...he just doesn't realize how lucky he is to have someone who loves him enough to want to spend all their spare time with them. I think if anything you were too nice to him...I would have said fine, take all the space you need because we aren't together any more.
2006-10-23 13:20:05 · answer #8 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that there is nothing wrong that either of you are doing. i believe that he doesnt want to get as serious as you would desire. i think that he would like a casual relationship where you do your thing (work, school, hangout do you!) he does his thing (with his boys and whatever he is doing with his life) and then you guys then get together sometimes and...do something! whereas its seems that for you, you would like bascially share a life together, you know you have school and work and you would like to share all your free moments with him and he as well. do you see where i am going at. you want something serious and he doesnt. i think that you should take that and try to work it out cause you dont want to get hurt in the end since it seems that you more feelings invested in him!
2006-10-23 13:27:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yuo are making things worse by cutting yourself off from him. Let him make contact with you for a week, then see if he complains about having to do all the calling. Then you can figure out how much contact he wants/needs.
2006-10-23 13:14:53 · answer #10 · answered by drbuns 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋