My ex wife lets our 3 year old son sleep with her and her partner.?

Question

Is this wrong or am i just being silly. I know nothing about her partner apart from he is called Jon

Answer 1

I certainly feel you have a right to be concerned. It truly depends upon what quality of relationship your son has with her 'partner', and what the reasons for him sleeping with them are: ie, no room, he's frightened, etc. I would definitely have a chat with BOTH of them, and your son...

Answer 2

No,you are not "just being silly".

I am not too comfortable with a child that age sleeping in the parental bed to begin with, not even the biological parents. This is just a personal thing,of course, but the thought really feels rather icky to me.

I don't know how long the new relationship has been conducted, but I can safely guess that it hasn't been a very long time.

That said,you should ,very politely and very inoffensively, let her know that you are uncomfortable with the concept of your very young child sharing a bed with a man that you don't really know too much about. Please be very polite. The idea is to get her to see things from your point of view and you won't achieve this if you get into a fight over it. The best way to get someone to go contrary to you is to make them mad , so don't make her feel that you are running down her morals or anything. Try not to be offensive,difficult I can imagine, but in the long run it may be wisest to prevent any unpleasantness. If he's some sort of inappropriate character,you could be saving all of you a lot of heartache in future by nipping things in the bud. Please do all in your power to protect both your child and his mother from unscrupulous folks. The fact that you two did not last as a married couple does not absolve you from some responsibility for a woman with whom at some point you actually had a close enough relationship to actually commit to a marriage.You must not ever allow your child see you as combatants,but as allies.

Speak up,for the sake of whatever you loved about her.You could be doing a very great thing.

At all costs,maintain a very cordial relationship with your ex ,even if only for the sake of your child.

Don't dismiss your discomfort,but express it very,very clearly and politely. You are both his parents.

Answer 3

If it's an every night thing, it is just spoiling the 3 year old. But if it's every once in a while, I see nothing wrong with it. I can see why you would be uneasy about the partner, but it's just another father figure to him. My parents were divorced when I was young and she was remarried a few years later... so I know a little about the situation. Maybe talk to her about it, and see if they can try weaning him to a toddler bed in the room, then his own room slowly. The child could be stressed with daddy not there too.

Answer 4

I completely understand your feelings. My husband's ex-wife moved in her boyfriend as soon as the divorce was final. At that time the children were 8(girl) and 1(twins boy/girl). She allowed the one year olds to sleep with them for awhile, then made the girl twin move into bed with the 8yr old. They eventually married and I know the twins still sleep with them, but it is only common for us to worry about what goes on with their new stepfather. Finding out more about your ex's partner might ease your mind some, because it is very important to keep in the know about anyone in your child's life, even if you do not have full custody. Hopefully your ex understands that you want best for your son, and you can discuss your concerns in an adult manner.

Answer 5

nice advice Patti, way to jump to conclusions. I would speak with you ex about it, I am sure the other guy doesn't like it, i would not, it could be your child is scared to sleep alone, or your ex is allowing it to happen, most kids would rather sleep in their parents bed if given a choice, at that age my daughter would always want to jump in bed with me. Once again i would speak with your ex and tell her you trust her and do not think that anything is going on, but you feel uncomfortable with the situation.
you can make an excuse and say, when i take the child i do not want him sleeping with me, and it will be harder for him/her to fall asleep alone later on
remember she is an ex and could be spiteful..so be diplomatic
i would also go over and visit your kid when you know the guy is there and talk to him , general conversation, not about t this issue, this is betweeen you and your ex.
speak with her about the situation and see how she reacts and speak with him, and get a feel for the type of person he is and go from there

Answer 6

Totally wrong.

Your ex should not have any "partners" sleep over unless they are already married (to each other). And then the child should not be sleeping in the same bed with them.

You need to address this issue ASAP for the safety of your child emotionally, morally and physically.

Answer 7

Yeah.. not a good idea. You have a valid concern. Aside from just being weird sleeping with Mom and mysteryman, its not healthy for a kid of 3 years to be sleeping in the bed with parents.
I would say something at least.

Answer 8

It is difficult to give a complete assessment without all the facts, per the many questions already raised in other answers. In a vacuum having a 3 year old sleep with "mom and dad" is perfectly acceptable. Here it seems odd that your ex's new partner would want to sleep with someone who is not his son. You should do your best to approach your ex diplomatically and say that you're not comfortable with having your son sleep with them and please keep him in his own bed. Good luck.

Answer 9

I think that she is wrong from the word go. It is different when the biological parents allow their child to enter their sleeping area but for her to allow a child that is not the product of her and her current partner into the bed with them not only is sending mixed signals to the child but is immoral.

Answer 10

I would be worried about this. Jon could be a funky pedophile or something. Or else this could be entirely ok but still. I would err on the side of caution. I don't mind the child sleeping with mom. My children always end up trying to do that with me lol and they are ages 12, 7, and 4.