I need a good laugh.
2006-10-23 05:36:14 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Oh you'll love this joke:
There were these three doctors sitting in a bar, talking about their most amazing surgeries.
The first Doctor says, "I had this young man come in who had gotten his hands cut off by a chainsaw. I sewed them back on and now he is a concert pianist."
the second Doctor said, "that aint nothin', I had this man who fell out of a tree and got his are ripped out of the socket, I put it back in, and now he's a pro baseball player."
The third docter said, " you haven't heard anything. I had this man brught to me who got hit by a train. All that was left of him was an @ss, and a cowboy hat. Put him back together, and now he's the presidant of the united states!!!!
I LOVE THAT JOKE!!!! Hope it made you laugh. Mondays are a drag.
2006-10-23 05:58:53 · answer #1 · answered by danksprite420 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Recently an umpire discovered two opposing players lying on the ground and appeared to be 'scuffling' with one another. The umpire immediately ordered the two players to halt the activity, but they continued rolling on the ground 'locked up' together. The umpire threw a flag and the referee appeared on the scene about that time.
As the two officals continued to request the players to break it up, one of the players finally spoke......indicating the playerers' face masks were locked up and they couldn't separate.
the referees request to dis regard the flag was granted by the umpire.
2006-10-23 05:47:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A burglar enters a house and is greeted by "Jesus is asking at!" He shines his flashlight around and famous no person. he's taking yet another step to hearken to "Jesus is asking at you." This time he shines the easy to locate a parrot. He asks, "became which you talking ?" The parrot solutions "particular." The burglar asks, "what's your call?" The parrot replies, "Clarence." The burglar asks, "What fool named you Clarence?" The parrot replies, "the comparable fool that named the Doberman Jesus." ~~~~~~~~~~~ a guy became out looking, and discovered a bear. He shot on the bear, yet basically nicked him. The bear went after the hunter, and chased him far for the time of the woods. finally the guy got here to the edged of a cliff, and had no the place else to run. As he watched the bear physique of recommendations, he began to desire. "expensive God supply this bear a splash of religion." all of sudden the bear got here to an abrupt supply up, and regarded up in direction of Heaven and pronounced "thank you Lord for this meals which i'm approximately to consume."
2016-10-16 07:31:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How to Impress a Woman
Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....
How to Impress a Man
Show up naked.
Bring beer.
2006-10-23 09:16:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gordon Brown to be next priminister. Thats the funniest thing ive ever heard.
2006-10-23 05:42:03 · answer #5 · answered by clare s 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
(If blondes are offended by this joke then there is another one below)
This guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him and shows him the doors to three rooms and says he must choose one of the rooms to spend eternity in.
So Satan opens the first door. In the room there are people standing in cow manure up to their necks. The guy says "No, please show me the next room".
Satan shows him the next room and this has people with cow manure up to their noses. And so he says no again.
Finally, Satan shows him the third and final room. This time there are people in there with cow manure up to their knees drinking cups of tea and eating cakes.
So the guy says, "I'll choose this room". Satan says O.K. The guys is standing in there eating his cake and drinking his tea thinking, "Well, it could be worse", when the door opens. Satan pops his head around, and says "O.K. tea-break is over. Back on your heads!"
2006-10-23 05:39:56 · answer #6 · answered by Star dust 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The first thing that comes to mind is a fact I've heard of. Turtles can breathe through their butts. That just tickles me thinking about it.
2006-10-23 05:38:10 · answer #7 · answered by ~*Lady Beth*~ 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Moods of the sexes
Moods of a Woman
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk;
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.
~~~~~~~~~~
Moods of a Man
Horny.
2006-10-23 06:09:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
OK.. one of my best freinds told me this story about his childhood.. and this story cracked me up...
Actually 2 stories..
1).. when he was a kid.. he use to go to his grandmas house out in Deleware... it was a farm.. and they had neighbors.. that had a farm also. Well one day.. he and his cuzins.. went out and decided.to start fires.. Who knows why.. they decided to do this in the middle of a hey field and barn.. but.. whatever.. they did it.. he started the fire couldn't put it out.. and they all ran off and left him.. instead of putting out the flames he fanned them by accident... and ended up saving the barn.. but burned out the neigherbor farmers.. crops for the year.. Tabaco I think.. How ironic.. LOL.. anyway.. he ran home and came through the door saying to his grandma. Grandma.. I need a woopin.. and I need to be punished.. What for she asked.. he explained.. and the family was much oblidged to give him what he asked for.. Well turns out the crops couldn't be sold anyway.. some fedaral subsity program.. but.. they were still pissed.. and he was still pubished..
2) storye.. same dude.. they basically had rock fight over the same granma house.. and were runing up and down the street throwing rocks.. and then he had a cuzin that through a rock at him and hit tim. in the back of the head as he ran away.. he got mad and picked up the biggest rock he could find.. and through it back at the cuzin.. (probably one of the ones that lefted him standed at the fire).. hit the cuzin in the head.. and while no blood came.. it swoll up on the boys head so big that it looked like he had a whole nother head growing on his head.. they went home.. and in spite of the enormous not on the boys head they made up some story about how this cuzin fell and hurt himspellf.. but. they the crazyiest childhood I ever hear off..
2006-10-23 05:49:10 · answer #9 · answered by CashFlowsToYou.com 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
A guy I know identifies himself as a Conservative Democrat :)
2006-10-23 05:37:36 · answer #10 · answered by shojo 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋