My mother verbally and emotionally abuses me, I need to cut her off to be happy?

Question

I am my mother’s only daughter of 4 children. I am 24 and the only one she treats like crap.

She tries to fight with me about stupid stuff and then says I am the troublemaker!

She invited me over for my birthday this weekend and told me not to ruin her day with my “bull####”

Then she said I was “just like” my brother who she says argues for no reason and is mentally ill. He is an alcoholic drug addict and I NOTHING like him.

She blamed me for the argument and I ended up telling her I needed to go home because her arguments escalate and she won’t let it go until she wins.

I cried all the way home and my husband believes my mom doesn’t like me because she verbally and emotionally abuses me all of the time.

My counselor says she is bad for my self image and I need to limit my contact as a permanent solution to help me handle her.

She is never going to change, so what do I do?

I cut her off for 6 months and wrote her a letter to explain why she hurts me and why its unhealthy for me to visit her. She told me I was a horrible person for the letter because she has “sacrificed so much” for me and I am an ungrateful *****.

Please don’t tell me I need to forgive her and all that. She is an abusive person and she refuses to see how she hurts me and says its all my fault. She says I deserve the treatment and won’t acknowledge that she is abusive.

I cannot subject myself and my future children to this treatment anymore. I need advice for dealing with an abusive parent!

Answer 1

It sounds like she has some problems that might have to do with you.Now she has reflected them on you and you r turning out like her maybe some cousiling together would help come to the conclusion of why you and your mom behave this way with each other .If you love each other alot then you would be willing to get some help on figuring out how to be aroung each other and enjoy each others company and you can't do that if you don't get to the root of the problem good luck and i hope that suggestion helped.

Answer 2

I am sorry, I to had an abusive(mentally) mother growing up. She said horrible awful things to me I acutually tried to get her thrown in jail a couple of times this is how much I was starting to dislike her, so I understand your pain.
The best thing I EVER did was stopping ALL communications with her. I let her know that I loved her because she is my mother, but that didn't mean she could continue to treat me the way she had been, and if she ever wanted to see me or her grandchildren (I became a motjer at 16) she would have to change her ways...
My mom was also an alcoholic and a drug user, so I asked her what was more important.. and I left the decision up to her...Thankfully, my mom moved away got clean and her whole attitude changed, she is like a new person.

And when you mom calls you an ungrateful b*tch, that is bulls*it! you were not asked to be born and those so called "sacrafices" that is called being a responsible parent so how dare her play that card. Get away from her, she has issues that she needs to work out, and until she does she will continue to verbally and emotionally abuse you don't let her bring you down, the world is hard enough already. YOU do NOT deserve that. Once you cut ties with her she will 1. realize what a horrible person she has been, or 2. continue to be a miserable person pushing everyone away from her. She is an adult and is capable of making desicions on her own. THis one is up to her...

Answer 3

This "mother daughter" thing is not uncommon but yours is a bit over the top. My mother was abusive to me for a while. She would call me and fling insults my way, I hung up when she became abusive, she called back, I told her I would continue to hand up until she talked to me like a civilized person. She said I was a slut, I told her she had been one too and that it really doesn't have anything to do with how she treats me, then I hung up. She called back to say she would never speak to me again, I said fine, ok. That lasted a few months. Bottom line, whenever she was abusive in person or on the phone I would hang up or walk out until she definitely realized that unless she acted and spoke to with me in a manner I approved of I would not tolerate her behavior and I recommend you do the same.
If you fall into shouting and arguing or even writing to her about this it will just escalate because she will be achieving the "drama" she craves, the woman is just jealous because her days of being a young desirable woman are fading and your's are at their peak. Her maturity level is low as well, she acts like a child, and as long as she does and gets away with it she will feel no need to change, you have to change how you react to this.
Hope it helps you, it took me years to get a handle on this.

Answer 4

I went through the same thing with my father. I wrote him a certified letter telling him that if he can't give up the booze and treat me with respect, then I want nothing to do with him. My children don't want anything to do with him either, and didn't even before I sent the letter. I haven't spoken to him in 3 1/2 years and the nightmares have stopped also!

Answer 5

You know i have a simular problem with BOTH of my parents.They are both drug addicts and abusive mentally and phisically and you know what i did.I am only 21 and i have been on my own and havent talked to my parents in over 4 years and i couldnt be happier.I guess deep down i still love them but never forgive and never forget.Cut off all your strings with your mom and focus on your life and family.Dont never talk to her again and you will be happy.If she acts like that toward you then she doesnt love you like you may think.I know my parents didnt love me.And now i am fine with that.I will never speak to my parents again.I have a loving husband and two children and i have never been happier in my life.

Answer 6

You already know the answer. This is an unhealthy relationship and you need to distance yourself from her as much as you can. You are an adult now and can make your own choices. I have 3 older sisters and they are very different than me. They are all very selfish and materialistic and everything I do is stupid to them. One sister is so negative and jealous of everyone! They are all judegmental and jealous. I am now 39 and I had to distance myself from them........ I have to live my life my way...... I see them on holidays and just get through the day by being indifferent ......but I am a lot happier now trhat I don't talk to them regularly and I don't have them influence my decisions.......you need to do the same

Answer 7

It is well known that abuse is passed down through generations. Please use this as an opportunity to stop the cycle. Get plenty of counseling and/or other help before you have kids. And always stay aware - it's too easy to do to your kids what your parents did to you.
And oh, it's OK to stay away - blood doesn't obligate you to stay in a toxic relationship.

Answer 8

I feel for you because I know this is a difficult situation. My mother is more neglectful of me than abusive, but it hurts just the same, especially when she dotes over my older brother, who is a drug and alcohol abuser and also emotionally abusive to her. Anyway, I agree that you should limit your time spent with her. I spend time with my mother, mostly just to take her to the grocery store, etc. because that's usually the only time she calls me, when she needs something. The Bible tells us to "honor our mother and father," but it doesn't say that we have to stand for abuse from them, especially when we are adults and responsible for ourselves. Good luck!

Answer 9

Poor thing....just stay away. Your family is you and your husband. When she calls use 1001 excuses......Can't make it because....., I've already made plans......, Have to work late.....

Why tell her what's she doing to you? No point. I'm sorry that it's your Mom but, honey she's not your responsibility. You need to take care of yourself and focus on how not to be like Mommy Dearest.

Answer 10

if i were you i would ignore her. She is selfish if she is unable t take into account your feelins. My mother and myself had a major arguement and it resulted in me moving out at 16!!! dont let her get to you if your dad is around ( i dont know your home status) talk to him. Explain that your n ot punishing him but are limiting your intake of stress. its obvious your mum is making you stressed and keep reminding yourself that, just make sure you keep in contact with your family.