My mother verbally and emotionally abuses me, I need to cut her off to be happy?

Question

I am my mother’s only daughter of 4 children. I am 24 and the only one she treats like crap.

She tries to fight with me about stupid stuff and then says I am the troublemaker!

She invited me over for my birthday this weekend and told me not to ruin her day with my “bull####”

Then she said I was “just like” my brother who she says argues for no reason and is mentally ill. He is an alcoholic drug addict and I NOTHING like him.

She blamed me for the argument and I ended up telling her I needed to go home because her arguments escalate and she won’t let it go until she wins.

I cried all the way home and my husband believes my mom doesn’t like me because she verbally and emotionally abuses me all of the time.

My counselor says she is bad for my self image and I need to limit my contact as a permanent solution to help me handle her.

She is never going to change, so what do I do?

I cut her off for 6 months and wrote her a letter to explain why she hurts me and why its unhealthy for me to visit her. She told me I was a horrible person for the letter because she has “sacrificed so much” for me and I am an ungrateful *****.

Please don’t tell me I need to forgive her and all that. She is an abusive person and she refuses to see how she hurts me and says its all my fault. She says I deserve the treatment and won’t acknowledge that she is abusive.

I cannot subject myself and my future children to this treatment anymore. I need advice for dealing with an abusive parent!

Answer 1

Cut her off completly from your life! Move away you will be much happier. I have been there and don't regret my decision at all..

Answer 2

I am sorry, I to had an abusive(mentally) mother growing up. She said horrible awful things to me I acutually tried to get her thrown in jail a couple of times this is how much I was starting to dislike her, so I understand your pain. The best thing I EVER did was stopping ALL communications with her. I let her know that I loved her because she is my mother, but that didn't mean she could continue to treat me the way she had been, and if she ever wanted to see me or her grandchildren (I became a motjer at 16) she would have to change her ways... My mom was also an alcoholic and a drug user, so I asked her what was more important.. and I left the decision up to her...Thankfully, my mom moved away got clean and her whole attitude changed, she is like a new person. And when you mom calls you an ungrateful b*tch, that is bulls*it! you were not asked to be born and those so called "sacrafices" that is called being a responsible parent so how dare her play that card. Get away from her, she has issues that she needs to work out, and until she does she will continue to verbally and emotionally abuse you don't let her bring you down, the world is hard enough already. YOU do NOT deserve that. Once you cut ties with her she will 1. realize what a horrible person she has been, or 2. continue to be a miserable person pushing everyone away from her. She is an adult and is capable of making desicions on her own. THis one is up to her...

Answer 3

Your mother does'nt seem to understand,that regardless of how she treats you,you still go to visit her,and show your support. You are an adult,and you don't have to take the abuse from her or anyone. I'll bet she can't even tell you why she treats you so badly. If you know in your heart,that you have done nothing to upset her,then I'd suggest you stay away for a while,and let her "stew in her own juices". Let her pick-on someone else; starting with your brother. You should not subject any children you may have (in the future) to her abusiveness. If you have'nt "snapped" on her yet,chances are if she messes with your kids-YOU WILL!.

Answer 4

Well, I know its hard to consider cutting yourself off from family. But some people are cruel and sorry to say..sometimes sometimes those cruel people are parents. Cut yourself off for awhile..until you can see things clearly. If you feel in time that you can reestablish a relationship..set boundaries..and if you continue to see her..do it in a neutral area..like in a restaurant ..not at either of your homes..so its easy to have an escape plan. Take someone with you at all times or have someone very close by. I know its hard, but she has no right to be so cruel. You have that self respect inside you, find it and stick up for yourself. If you show her that she cannot treat you this way..that you wont stand for it..she will change how she treats you, or you wont have anything to do with her. Remember, you are showing others how you will be treated..when they witness how she treats you..do u want your future children to see that??

Answer 5

I say cut her off now. I'm sure you dont want to subject your kids to that kind of abuse i was emotoinally abused by a ex boyfriend and when I finally seen what he was doing I threw in the towel.It took me 4 yrs but I broke all ties with him. Please for your happiness and the happiness of your future children cut her off and never give her a chance to hurt you that way again.you wrote her a letter and she still blames you some people should not have children!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

I am sure you have the answer to this yourself. Your mother has shown you that she wont change her behavior towards you and in my opinion the best solution is to disassociate yourself from her for good. She doesn't treat you with love and respect and she hurts you over and over again so she has forfeited her right to be a part of your life. Tell her how you feel and that you cant stay in touch with her because of the way she is treating you.

Answer 7

You are describing my mother, only 25 years ago. I had to cut ties with her for a long time. Even after we started talking again things were never good between us. Its a hard thing to do but I just couldn't put up with her being so abusive to me. I was always envious of the women that had great relationships with their Mom's. I learned by her mistakes & thankfully my daughter's & I have great relationships. Good luck!

Answer 8

Here's a happy medium for you.

You can forgive her AND choose to have nothing to do with her. The two are not mutually exclusive.

I have a mom that's ridiculous, somewhat like yours, and I find myself to be more sane, more healthy, and more happy when I am not around her or even taking her calls.

If you've laid out the law, then she knows what she needs to do in order to change. Just have faith in your judgement (since it's definitely clearer than hers!) and live your best life.

I strongly believe that family ties are important only until they become tie-downs.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry for you, but you need to cut your contact with her, you do not need her in your life if she abuses you all the time, maybe she is jealous of your lifestyle, thinks that you have done better for yourself than she ever did for herself, you have a loving husband and kids, who do not need to be subjected to this torment, what must they think when they see you upset, concentrate on your own family, keep away from this woman who wants to hurt you, maybe one day she will regret her actions.

Answer 10

first interrogate yourself. calm yourself first. You are the root cause for it. There must be a cause then only there will be effect. First analyze where the problem started- whether you were the source or her. DO YOU MEAN TO SAY AFTER LEAVING HER YOU WILL BE HAPPY. SHE IS YOUR MOTHER AND WILL CONTINUE TO BE THE ONE AND THE ONLY MOTHER ON EARTH WHO GAVE YOU BIRTH. DON'T BE ARROGANT. SHE IS NOT A COMMODITY EASILY AVAILABLE IN THE MARKET. BECAUSE SHE HAS UNDERWENT A LOT OF PAIN IN REARING YOU UP, SHE EXPECT YOU TO REALIZE IT. JUST FOR A MOMENT CHANGE YOUR SEAT. IF YOU WERE HER MOTHER AND SHE WERE TO BE YOUR DAUGHTER WOULD U VIEW HER LIKE THIS. U WILL REALISE YOUR MISTAKE ONLY WHEN YOU BECOME A MOTHER AND U WILL HAVE TO REPENT HEAVILY FOR YOUR ACTION. MIND IT EVERY ACTION HAS ITS EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION. IT IS APPLICABLE IN ALL WALKS OF LIFE TOO.

MIND YOUR EGO AND CONTROL YOURSELF.

Answer 11

Do as you have already been told. LIMIT contact with her. She obviously has issues she needs to deal with. Don't ler her issues consume you and make you unhappy. My mother and I don't get a long well and when we argue...I will not call or see her UNTIL I'm ready. I REFUSE to let her stress me out and if I have to I WILL cut her out of my life completely if it gets bad enough. Don't let her your mom run guilt trips on you either.