I'm dating a fantastic guy- intelligent, handsome, funny, caring- in other words- Mr. Right. I never had self-esteem problems, always loved myself for who I was. Recently I started thinking that he's too good for me, etc. I know it's not his fault that I'm feeling this way, he shows me respect & everything. My previous relationships were all unhealthy, this is the first 'normal' one, with a truly worthy man. Even though my friends, collegues, and my guy think I'm beautiful, I suddenly stopped believing it is true. Even strangers tell me I'm attractive. I know it, but I don't feel it. I don't know what to do, I feel miserable and its killing the relationship. Please help
2006-10-23 05:12:11 · 17 answers · asked by hefalump20 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need to start realizing that this guy and all the wonderful things he is.. has chosen you! He doesn't want to be with anyone else because of all the things he sees in you! That alone ought to make your head swell. Every time you start thinking about how great he is just remind yourself that he's with you and that is where he wants to be. So you must be something special indeed!
2006-10-23 05:15:37 · answer #1 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is so familiar. I went through the same thing. Girl, all I can suggest is a good therapist, it helped me. I am SOOOO happy now. If you won't do the therapist, try writing ALL your thoughts down, when and why you feel them, in a journal. Certain things may happen that cues you to feel the way you do at certain times. Examples: Maybe if you haven't talked to him in almost a day, do you fear he doesn't love you? If you leave a message and it has been longer than what it usually is before he calls you back do you think he is with someone else? A past of people that have hurt you for no reason, etc.
Our written word really helps us clear up our own questions. As you are writting you will think, this just doesn't make sense, why DO I feel this way? If it does make sence, then it will point you in the right direction. Goodluck, I feel your pain!
2006-10-23 12:20:39 · answer #2 · answered by bubba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think this is an "attractive or not" issue.. I think it probably goes deeper than that. You're missing something in your life to fulfill you and you are beginning to think you are not worthy for this "normal" relationship. I would start doing some in depth soul searching and recognising the good traits which make you worthy of a normal relationship and who exactly you are inside and out. You may believe you arent pretty due to some personality traits you possess, and this could just be comprehended in a physical attractiveness instead.
Councelling would help recognise the relationships in your life which taught you of what relationships are and how to overcome the negative traits that you believed that are to be in a relationship and dealt with.. or maybe some personality traits that you deem "unattractive" that you could polish up on..
one thing though.. even when you think in your brain things that you need to deal with, traits that you want to improve, it fully isnt real until you have said them out loud and it doesnt really have to be to anyone, just get them out of your body and HEAR it. Writing it is the same, as you SEE it and it's out of you. Just thinking something, you think you got it and understand it.. but it's still different once you "get it out".
2006-10-23 12:25:02 · answer #3 · answered by senacia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you were in bad relationships before , that is what you know.
When a nice guy comes along, you are on guard for the unpleasant times that you have experienced in the past.
You have to change your thinking and remember at all times, you so deserve the best and you finally have found someone who is deserving of you.
When a guy is nice after being with bad ones, we think something is wrong and we start to try the old behaviour with him.
remember your bad boys taught you to be bad... let the good guy teach you what it is to be good... and loving a and caring and respected.....lalalalalal
and the story goes on.
You maybe picked bad boys for the excitement and the challenge before, but now that you have gotten rid of the rats you have graduated up to the top floor... Relax, enjoy just let the relationship happen and enjoy not being on guard 24-7..
he likes you for you, grow up or get out and go back to the vermin.....
2006-10-23 12:20:11 · answer #4 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you are "looking" for a reason for this to be yet another "bad" relationship. If you dont want it to turn out that way, perhaps you should start believing in yourself again. I dont like being around self-doubting people, it is a real turn off. Everyone has faults! No one is perfect, not even this guy. Enjoy the best/worst in each other. Good Luck
2006-10-23 12:19:23 · answer #5 · answered by Whoagirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try putting things on hold,if he really is a good guy he will understand. you need to spend sometime by yourself. Do things you want to do,things that make you happy.Go out with your friend, pamper yourself, read some self help books if thats your thing- they can help. if you are feeling sad for no real reason and have no get up and go..... then maybe you should see your gp. No one can love you fully until you love yourself. Good luck
2006-10-23 12:21:41 · answer #6 · answered by meea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to figure our why you feel bad about yourself when you are in a normal relationship. Is it because you felt a sence of power when you were in a bad relationship? Also look at your male role models. Did you father treat your mom well?
You may need counceling.
2006-10-23 12:18:07 · answer #7 · answered by bob 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so just enjoy that he is a decent and a good guy..alot of us women wish we had a good guy to treat us with respect and all that good stuff.
you have to know who you are as a person..and it is not healty for you to think so little of yourself..I have said this before to someone on here..and the key thing to remember is when you love yourself and know who you are then it doesnt matter what comes your way..you will know how to handle it with dignity and pride..
maybe what you can do..is whenever you are not with him.take that time to reflect on who you are as a person and what makes you happy..and start loving yourself..try to balance it..beacause I know that you would hate it if you guys break up..so just try to get to know you.
2006-10-23 12:55:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first thing you do when you wake up in the morning look in the mirror and see what you see and then say you are a very gorgeuos, sexy, beautiful,and deserved everything that you have for today and the rest of your life and more because i think you really do!
2006-10-23 12:16:26 · answer #9 · answered by livinhapi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do yourself little favors to make you feel pretty like go to a spa every once in a while or dress up sometimes.
2006-10-23 12:14:58 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel Bitchface 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋