My boyfriend is very nice to me and loves me very much but up until about a week & a half ago, he didn't treat me as good as I treat him. I told him how I felt & mentioned that he bought his old girlfriend flowers, something that he would never do for me because he's stingy w/ money.
Since we talked, there has been a huge improvement in how he treats me. He apologized / realized that I do give more than I get & that I deserve more. While I am very happy with how much he has improved, a part of me is still unsatisfied. I want everything to come from the heart, not because I asked him to treat me better.
Our relationship really is great except for this one thing, we never fight and love each other a lot.
Question- he sent me flowers on my birthday. Is it wrong of me to be a little disatisfied because I wish he could've sent them without me having to tell him to treat me better? It hurts a little because he's stingy with money when it comes to me but wasn't with his former g/f
2006-10-23 04:59:29 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
And yes, everything I do for him comes from my heart and not because I expect something in return. It got to the point where I was getting nothing and giving way too much, and got upset when I realized he had given so much to some one else who treated him like dirt while I treat him very well.
2006-10-23 05:13:28 · update #1
Ah crap.. I came off like a total b*tch... I just meant that yes I am VERY grateful and appreciate how he changed, but there's that little part of me that's disatisfied because I had to confront him about how he treats me and he just sent that girl flowers while she treated him like dirt and I treat him very well.
Ah, oh well. I guess. Wow. I need to change myself, too.
2006-10-23 05:20:53 · update #2
Maybe is money situation is a different now, or he has matured and realizes that he needs to save money. Or maybe he thought to keep his ex he had to spend money on her. But you're probably more genuine.
Either way, it is nice for him to send flowers, even if you had to coax him to do so. At least he took the hint.
As girls, we want nice gifts and things. If you're looking for a guy to spend money on you, you might be forgetting what is important in life. But hell, I don't blame you.
2006-10-23 05:06:08 · answer #1 · answered by Fran Y 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with being disappointed. It would have felt a lot more like it was from the heart had you not had to remind him of sucha little thing as flowers just because. But in the same instance you are his lady, and should not be comparing what he did for her. That was in the past, and I am not saying this is an excuse for him to be cheap towards you. I would just let him know that "Sweety it would be nice if we did more together, and maybe went to some romantic places". Just break it down to him like that, and I think eventually he will catch on. Plus if he takes you away on a romantic weekend get away, then he will want to do whatever he can to make it all the more special cause he will know how much it means to you. Goodluck in making him understand, and again there is absoulutely no reason why you should feel sad and or disappointed that he doesn't treat you like the Queen you are. But don't forget to return the favor from time to time too. Take care.
2006-10-23 05:07:33 · answer #2 · answered by bdancer43 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding me? You asked him to change, and he changed. FOR YOU! Now you're not happy? You need to realize that if you truly love this guy, it shouldn't matter if he gave you flowers, diamonds, or NOTHING at all, as long as he loves you. Who cares about past relationships? Did you ever think that maybe he bought his ex all that junk because he didn't feel secure in that relationship?
Maybe he's comfortable with you. Secure in the knowledge that you love him, and he loves you, no matter what. You should realize this, and remember it in the future. Guys can be dense, trust me, I am one. From time to time we need reminders to be a romantic every now and then.
Don't let the whole flowers thing fool you; it will lose its luster. Sooner or later you'll realize that spending money on things that wilt and die in a day or 2 makes NO sense! If you two really love each other like you say, are you planning on getting married? If so, take that flower money and put it in the bank for the future!
Some things are more important than pretty flowers. Like paying bills.
2006-10-23 05:06:21 · answer #3 · answered by Iplaygames2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may have been in a different place financially with you. I'm not as free with money now that I'm married as I was when I was single, but the load bearing of the same job has doubled. I can't send her off to a spa any more, but when I did, the only one I had to feed was myself.
Also, just because you had to ask for it doesn't mean it didn't come from the heart. Some times we have to make difficult decisions. When we were first married, I thought the time she was with her friends at the bars were the important thing, so I was working a lot of over time, so I could keep sending her out and she could keep having fun. Then she complained that she wasn't seeing me as much as she wanted. My joy and relief at turning down over time after that can't be measured. Did it come from the heart? Absolutely! Would I have done it if she hadn't have complained? Absolutely not! Maybe he was saving money because he thought the important thing was getting you a bigger ring in six months or a year when he proposes. Now he knows, you'll be stuck with a folded up piece of tin foil, but you got your roses every week, so who cares?
2006-10-23 05:06:42 · answer #4 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is like that because he got burned.
He is making the effort to make things better but your still unsatisfied because you had to tell him what bothered you. Im sorry, but this is ridiculous. Women are always talked down by men because they always say "She wants me to read her mind." But you communicated and he thought different of his actions and now things are good. And its still not good enough. Frankly, you sound a bit like your being a pain in the as*.
Accept things as they are now and move on. Stop trying so hard to read into what he did or didnt do or why he did it. He may have did so much for his ex that she didnt appreciate so then with you, he held back. You talked, he got better. Let it go now.
2006-10-23 05:05:30 · answer #5 · answered by JC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he's stingy with his money now because he feels as though he wasted money on a woman before that wasn't worth it and is scared he'll do the same and you'll leave him, something of that nature.
You need to talk to him about it and ask him what the real reason is... explain to him that you don't want to have to tell him how to treat you, he should already know!
2006-10-23 05:02:45 · answer #6 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one will ever know what you want until you tell them. There was no possible way he was going to figure out you weren't happy, unless you said something. Men are not mind readers. And now that you have him giving you what you want, you are still not satisfied. Plus, you saying that you want to fight; is showing that you like dysfunctional relationships. Stop being that person who thinks, "If you aren't fighting then they really don't love me", type of thinker. That's sick. What is wrong with getting along with each other? NOTHING! Stop looking for things to nag about and be glad you have a man that heard your needs and is attempting to meet them. You are truly tripping' Keep doing what you are doing now, and your man will be meeting another woman's need.
2006-10-23 05:26:31 · answer #7 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
JJ,
He may have overdone it with his last g/f and is in debt and is trying to dig himself out.
Don't worry so much with the material things. I know it would have been better to get flowers without mentioning it, but let me ask you one question and think about it.
Are "DEAD" flowers the best representation of a man's love for you? He didn't PICK those flowers out of a field. He BOUGHT dead flowers for you.
Here's a suggestion for you to pass along to him... Save his money on overpriced dead flowers. Instead here's what you do to really spur the romantic side in him... Buy him a rose bush for his birthday/Christmas/Valentine's day... Along with a book on how to grow roses...
The experience I hope will teach him... Love is like a bush, you have to care for it... It's not like a weed growing wild... It has to be tended to and cared for in order to grow well.
Then when he sees a beautiful rose that grows on the bush, he'll think of you. Cut it off and present it to you with an appreciation for you.
It's worth a shot, right? $15 for the bush, $15 for the book(you may find one at Amazon or Ebay for cheaper...) Is this relationship and opportunity to instruct worth the $30?
I think you'll find it cheaper than a dozen dead flowers... And a heck of a lot more satisfying...
2006-10-23 05:13:50 · answer #8 · answered by James B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know where you are coming from....My BF is the same....and yeah, it hurts because it just feels as though they don't feel for us the way that we feel for them.....It seems like whenever I go shopping, if I see something that I think he would like, I pick it up...I always think of him before me. But then when it comes to him, he won't get me ANYTHING.....He has never even gotten me a birthday or christmas present!!! We have been together for 2 years!!! But yet, same scenario, he always got his ex things.....
In a way, I can understand why you would feel dissatisfied.....you shouldn't have to nag about why he won't get you anything....and then you probably feel bad about it in the end cuz really, you don't have boyfriends just for them to buy you things... But that's what we tend to sound like when we bring it up......Really with just want to be treated as we treat them......And I really love to get flowers...hell I wouldn't even care if they were wild flowers that he picked...it's the gesture that we look for...not the $$ behind it...It shows that they are thinking about you....But you shouldn't have to ask.....He needs to do that on his own....
2006-10-23 05:09:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women want flowers when we don't expect them like birthdays, valentines, after a fight. I love them then, but It is much better to get flowers for simply no reason at all just because they love you.
Give him a few more weeks and see if he is still trying to change or went back to the way he was.
2006-10-23 05:03:37 · answer #10 · answered by Clints_wench 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋