i am 19 and he is 20 we are trying to plan a wedding but my mom dad wants us to wait there for it is very hard to plan when they dont want to ...... what could i do...from a christian point of view
2006-10-23 04:41:44 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
From a Christian point of view, you and your fiance should respect your parents.
I suggest that you two talk to your parents about what they think is a reasonable amount of time that you two should be engaged before you get married. Take their time limit, and add it to when you two want to get married, and set the date for exactly half way in between.
Example: They want you to wait 2 years. You want to get married in 6 months. 24 + 6 = 30. 30 / 2 = 15. So set the date for 15 months away. In this case it would be a winter wedding in December 2007 or January 2008.
Stipulate that you two will wait as they wish if they agree to be supportive of your wedding plans. They don't have to be active in the beginning, but they should be open to being in the wedding party.
If they agree to this, then you two should start talking about what kind of wedding you want to have, set your budget, start looking at places, and all the other beginning plans.
2006-10-23 04:57:12 · answer #1 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
From a Christan point of view you are supposed to honor your father and mother. To me that says you're supposed to respect their decision, but you need to experience things on your own. I understand that divorce rates are high now a days, but the reason why is, because when it comes to problems in the marriage people think if we disagree we need to get a divorce. When divorce should be the last thing on your mind. Marriage is hard, but if you are willing to have open communication and work at it then there should be alot less problems. If you really want to respect your parents something that you could do is engagements are usually at least a year anyway. So you can be engaged show that you and your fiance are trying to be mature about everything, and plan during that year. If they still don't like that tell them how you feel. That you are trying to respect their point of view on waiting, yet still planning to get married in a year.
As far as waiting I know exactly how you feel. My father passed away when I was 18. I got married at 21. We were going to wait, and save so that we would have a nice wedding. My mother said she would help so to push up the wedding. We did and she didn't help me at all. She bought tiny things here and there, but she didn't show the happiness that most mothers show when planning a wedding. Its hard to think that parents do that, but it is possible to plan a wedding. So my advice is talk to them tell them that you want to get married. Take your time, save, and plan. Weddings are stressful so the more time you give yourself to plan that better off you will be! Good Luck and Congratulations!
2006-10-23 05:16:49 · answer #2 · answered by Gigglesalot 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try this....Plan to Plan. Make plans to make plans on your wedding. Set a short term goal of reaching a point in time say.....at the end of college. Then, if at that time you still feel the same then plan out the wedding. If you 2 are serious about each other then you can give it a little time. If you find that waiting is a problem then you would have to ask the question of what you are so impatient about. You are 19 and legally you can do what you want, but you could end up hurting yourselves and your parents. Congratulations on your future plans, I hope it works out.
2006-10-23 04:53:18 · answer #3 · answered by jerofjungle 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say why your parents say wait.Whats your hurry?Parents sometimes see things far up the road for us.
Ask your parents why they want you to wait. Legally you are of age to make your own decisons....every girl wants her mom to help with the wedding plans ,if your parents don't come around perhaps you may need to enlist the help of your pastor in a family meeting with the 4 of you[include the groomto/be]. Next if this doesn't bring results than you will have to be strong in the choices that you make and plan your wedding.Have you seen the movie "THE OTHER SISTER", in that movie the youngest sister was faced with the same issues her mother didn't want her to get married because the daughter was functionally retarded,mom even told her daughter she wasn't coming to the wedding,well this young woman drew on her own strength planned her wedding did the whole nine yards and guess what it was beautiful. So if after you have done everything to convince your parents that you are keeping your stand and they still won't participate,at least you gave them a chance. lol
2006-10-23 05:01:13 · answer #4 · answered by Renee F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are coming from. From a christian stand point you should respect your parent's decision and wait a little while longer because your parents only want the best for you. My boyfriend and I have been together since high school and now we are almost out of college, my parents begin to talk about our wedding more and more now than ever. They are looking forward to it because we made a deal that I would get my degree first. Maybe if you wait a bit they will say that its okay. At least they like your fiance and if you wait they may give you your dream wedding! Good Luck and pray over it.
2006-10-23 06:48:34 · answer #5 · answered by MISS 84 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the previous answers that there's a reason your parents are still married and I think you and your fiancee should sit down with your parents and discuss their concerns. You may find that they have very valid reasons that you need to consider. Is it that you want their help to plan because you want/need them to pay for it or because it's important to you for them to be a part of such an important part of your life? If it's the latter, then I understand, and definitely think that you need to talk to them - reasonably and maturely. If it's the former, the reality is that you don't need your parents to plan your wedding, you can do it yourself. And I'm really not trying to be mean about it, but if you don't think that you can plan/have your wedding without your parents help/money, then you really are probably not at the point in your life where you're ready to get married.
2006-10-23 08:32:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and he are on the young side - which, I am going to guess, is why your mom doesnt want to assist you.
If you are sure that he is the one for you, you have a few choices.
*You can plan on doing it all yourself (or if you have the funds you could hire a wedding planner/coordinator to help you)
*You could enlist your friends to help you plan
*You could have a destination wedding (like eloping except generally you purchase the honeymoon and the ceremony is then free and they will coordinate it all for you)
*You could elope (county courthouse, vegas, you name it)
*You could have an extended engagement (most couples are engaged somewhere between 9 months and 14 months) you could just set your date for 18 months or more away and have lots of time to plan, still be engaged, and respect your parents wishes somewhat.
Its all up to you. Dont forget to invite your parents no matter what way you do it. They may not support your decision fully right now... but they wouldnt want to miss your big day. They do love you and only want the best for you (even if it doesnt seem that way right now).
(BTW respecting and honoring your father and mother does not mean doing anything they tell you regardless of your own feelings and wishes, it means showing them respect and honor while you are following your heart.... so be SURE you invite them to your wedding and dont get angry at them for not being as supportive or happy for you as you wished they were).
Good Luck, and if you need further help feel free to email me.
2006-10-23 05:26:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, from a Christian point of view, you can respect your parents' wishes and not get married just yet. Honor thy Father (and thy Mother).
From a "hey, but we wanna get married" point of view - save a little money, go to Vegas and get married - Elope! Now, what you can do after that is have all your friends and family waiting for you at a reception afteward when you return.
However, my feel on this is that the reception you get when you return from eloping will be less than "fun".
Good luck - and think about it - your parents have a "sixth sense" about these sort of things - they've been there! You're very young!
2006-10-23 04:46:03 · answer #8 · answered by gatesfam@swbell.net 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
From a Christian point of view, you should honor your mother and father. However, I would personally not let anyone stand in the way of marrying my husband. Search your heart, if you really want to marry him, then respectfully tell your parents you and your fiance are getting married, even if you have to pay for the wedding yourselves. Honor your parents then by staying married just as they have.
2006-10-23 06:44:14 · answer #9 · answered by rdnkchic2003 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you and your fiance are paying for the wedding yourselves, just go ahead and make the plans. Ask both sets of parents for advice, have a family meeting about guest lists, etc. If they offer to help at any time, be gracious and accept. Just be nice and polite.
2006-10-23 06:23:02 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋