My husband is studying for a test. Really he is NOT studying--he's procrastinating but every time he comes near me he wants me to ask him quiz him on information he doesn't even understand. So I sit there for about ten minutes asking questions then get frustrated. Is it wrong of me to not want to help him study? We have two boys (one of which is in school with FAS) and I feel like I'm constantly quizzing someone, making a PB&J, cleaning a diaper, or giving baths. It's not that I don't want to help him but I want him to help himself before he needs me. I don't know how to get the point across that it's not that I don't want to help him but that I have better things that need to get done. Does this make any sense? If you were in the situation what would you do?
2006-10-23 04:40:21 · 9 answers · asked by .vato. 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I'm putting this in pregnancy and parenting as I feel you guys might understand the situation a little better. Thank you!
2006-10-23 04:40:50 · update #1
Well--actually obviously it's not important to him if he doesn't study but procrastinates it until I will help him.
2006-10-23 04:47:40 · update #2
We do act as a family. Actually maybe we don't. He typically does his own thing--while I'm attending to the kids--and then after I'm done with that he bothers me until I help him or pay attention to his needs.
2006-10-23 04:51:32 · update #3
Sit him down and talk to him. Tell him that you are happy to help him when he is ready to be quizzed, and that if he gets more than 3 or 5 (or whatever is reasonable given the total number of questions) wrong you will give him back the study sheet so he can study more before you try again.
If you have your expectations and his set up to the same standard then neither of you needs to get frustrated or upset.
Believe me, I do understand your frustration. It sounds like he doesn't want to study and have you test him, he wants you to study with him (even though you have all these other responsibilities which he is probably oblivious to unless specifically asked to help)... okay wait, maybe that's just my husband? Nah, it's universal.
I'm sure the test is important and the best thing you can do for him is to help him figure out how to get it done on his own. Help him find a place that is quiet, without distraction, keep the kids out of his hair, don't ask anything extra of him until the test has gone by and definitely quiz him when he needs it. But you can't put your kids on hold to hold his hand while he memorizes some facts. You might be able to put aside the laundry or a little housecleaning, but not your kids, their baths, dinners etc.
Now, if he is willing to take over some of the chores you normally do without him, so that you can spend that saved time studying with him, that's different... see what you can work out...
Good Luck!
Jen
Married 23 Years, 3 Kids, So Far So Good.
2006-10-23 05:04:59 · answer #1 · answered by InstructNut 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
HOLY CRA>>> Don't tell him you've got better things to do unless you want to start a fight.
The test is probably very important to him and to your future as a family. Telling him it's not that important, which is exactly how he'd take it, is not a good idea.
BUT.... you have to be truthful. There are just different ways to go about things.
Be sweet about it. :)
Tell him you are tired and don't want to right now and give him a kiss. Tell him you love him and appreciate what he's doing.
Also, flash cards are a good idea. He can quiz himself that way.
Good luck!
:)
2006-10-23 18:22:32 · answer #2 · answered by commish_guy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I SOOO know how you feel. We do so much to meet everyone else's needs, and no one thinks to check to see if our needs have been met. Everyone else comes before us. At the same time, I try to remind myself that I am so lucky to have a wonderful husband. Try reminding yourself of the good things he's done for you this week, even if they were little. And also tell him that you won't ask him any more questions until he locks himself in a room for an hour and looks at his material! Then set the timer, and go on making PB&J......
2006-10-23 11:49:36 · answer #3 · answered by momof3 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Typical husband!!! Don't fret. Put up with it until he takes the test. It's annoying I know, my husband does the same thing when he wants attention, and like you, I have better things to do. Ask him to wait to study until the kids are in bed. That way he won't bother you while you are busy, and when you do study, it is uninterrupted. I don't care what anyone says, men have periods and get emotional just like women. As far as the kids go, it took my husband until we got to our third before he knew his place as a father, and since technically only one is yours (I've read your other Q's) he still has a lot of growing to do. Have patience and faith, something I know you have.
2006-10-23 14:57:39 · answer #4 · answered by purpledragonflyjrh 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
How about this, you set the rules for your quizzing. I'll give you 5 questions, if you get 3/5 right, then I'll give you another 5. If you don't get the 3/5 right, then you have to go back to studying more. This way, if he is progressing, then you will help him. If he is not doing his part, you can get him off your back quickly.
2006-10-23 12:38:11 · answer #5 · answered by mom_of_ndm 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think you husband is just wanting you to act as a family..I assume this test will benefit you all..and I`m afraid marriage and motherhood is an endless round of nappies and running after others..its doesn't last long and if your like me you will be sad when its over...
2006-10-23 11:49:17 · answer #6 · answered by geordie.lady 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Obviously this test is very important to him and possibly the future of your family could benefit from it ... Wouldn`t you want him to be there for you if the situation were reversed??
2006-10-23 11:45:34 · answer #7 · answered by chuckles 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Maybe you should set aside a specific time period to help him out
that works better for you. And he should help out with your sons
schoolwork too.
2006-10-23 11:55:50 · answer #8 · answered by flowergirl 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
boo hoo hoo would you like some cheese to go with your wine ???
2006-10-23 22:33:47 · answer #9 · answered by kristy 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋