I've known this guy for awhile. After being just friends for a long time we finally decided to become a couple. Well, a few days after we decided to become serious he tells me that he is moving to another state. I feel betrayed because before he left he didn't say bye. He didn't even call. I went to his apartment and it was already vacant. I called his cell, no answer. I don't understand how he could just suddenly leave and not even say good-bye. It hurts because I thought we had a connection. He said he loved me. Another reason I feel hurt is because I found out that he went around town discussing all the special and private moments that we shared. I know that I may never be able to ask him why he left so abruptly or why he discussed our business with other people. I just want to know how can I get over the pain and hurt. I cry constantly. I almost don't want to live. I know my problem is minimal compared to everything that's going on in this world but I just need some advice.
2006-10-23 04:36:17 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He is one of the "vanishers" (lots of men do this).
Don't take it personally, and don't waste your time and emotions on him. He doesn't mean it personally, and probably doesn't see you as a human being at all, just a fond memory.
Don't let his behavior affect you, or your joy in life. Be glad you have "real" emotions, just don't waste them on this guy.
2006-10-23 04:42:10 · answer #1 · answered by papyrusbtl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There must be a good reason.He was obviously bragging about what an amazing relationship you guys share with everyone don't take it the wrong way!! I can't understand why he would just up and leave!! Maybe something serious happened to him.Do a bit of investigating just to put your mind at ease.. I think its the fact that he left so abruptly that's hurt you the most just take some time to find out first.. Never feel bad or ashamed for how you feel.You don't have control over how you feel but you do have control over how you deal with those emotions!! Don't value your life at so little.. Don't let some guy decide how much you are worth you are more precious than all the gold and silver in the world!! Just do a bit of investigating.. And then put him away don't bother with him..The fact that he could leave without making any effort to let you know whats happening justs shows you how little he valued what you guys shared!! Don't let this bad experience hold you back give yourself sometime and then start a new fresh life without him!!! And find someone that will Love you and value you for all that you are worth.I promise you from experience.. that terrible feeling of heart ache and frustration goes away.Just take each day at time and force yourself to focus on the future!!! Be patient and loving with yourself!!
2006-10-23 04:47:10 · answer #2 · answered by Dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for you and I hope that it helps you a little to know that a lot of us out here are thinking of you :-)
How to get over the pain? Well time usually eases all hurtful memories, even being cheated and the loss of a loved one.
Looking back and examining what you really had and realising it was probably very little of what you believed it to be can make it seem that you have lost less.
You have been betrayed in bad and cowardly ways but it is not you that has done wrong so you must know that it is not right that you should suffer.
So find time to pamper yourself and treat yourself, because you are important to the world. You might also want to make new friends on-line just so that you can talk about your hurt rather than keeping it inside you. Also you can have fun and laughs if you get to message people you click with. It is worth being careful in these new friendships.
As you had been friends with him for a while then perhaps you know people that are still in contact with him and you could seek answers from him via them for closure, being careful not to focus too much on this.
However, looking to the future and seeing the positives that your new freedom brings to you is a healthier way forward I think.
Please dont think we view your problem is minimal as many of us have been through the hurt you are going through and know how real it is.
Good luck and I really think that each tomorrow will be a better day for you.
xx
2006-10-23 05:13:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
China, the only way you are going to get over this is by going thru the process we all go thru when this sort of thing happens...its the typical grieving process really.. at first you feel hurt and betrayed and humiliated then your feelings of loss are sometimes replaced by anger..eventually you will feel acceptance....you know...you really should be happy he has left town..you wont have to see him and believe me that's much harder...he sounds like a person that got put into a position he really didn't want nor was ready for...you can blame him but you can blame yourself too...you made a mistake...chalk it up to the fact that he is NOT THE ONE FOR YOU....when people feel so broken hearted over a person I always tell them "if he was your real and true "soul mate" you would still be with him...that's what soul mate means...you are a true match"...best wishes to you take a deep breath don't play "your song" don't think of the "good times" just think of all the reasons you didn't click and move on from there....good luck
2006-10-23 04:48:00 · answer #4 · answered by .*^+Holly+^*. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh how I feel your pain...
The best thing to do is to take it Day by Day.
One step at a time, don't think of the long run, the "what ifs"...its scary, so think about today. What are you going to do today?
Try to keep yourself busy. Call up your gal pals, have a girls night. Read a new book, take a long walk, bury yourself in work or school, whatever you have to do!
As for him, only you 2 know what really happened there. A man who would just leave like that, seems pretty inconsiderate. Give your heart time to heal, and if you feel the need, let him know the pain that he has caused you.
The sooner you forget about him, the better you will feel. I hope some of this helped, just stay strong.
2006-10-23 04:42:29 · answer #5 · answered by Kbailey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am kind of going through the same thing. Just love yourself!! Know that you deserve so much better. He is a coward and it will come back to him. Look inside yourself the answer is there. You know deep down that he was capable of doing that. Look at it this way... Life gives you opportunities you would never take yourself. What is life trying to show you about yourself? What opportunities do you now have that he has left? I felt like my life was over 2 months ago after I was dumped in pretty much the same manner. But now I have self love, I have an opportunity to move to New York and have a awesome job, I lost a **** load of weight and I look awesome, I am closer to my family and friends than ever before. Last but not least I have the opportunity to find someone who loves me as much as I love him. You may never know why he did what he did, but it may be better that way because you can make it up.... like he did this because he thought I deserved so much better!!! He was such a thoughtful guy!!! You should thank him....
2006-10-23 04:49:20 · answer #6 · answered by tanglo02 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is not the person you thought he was.
You were too trusting, and although you had known him for some time, you didn't know him as well as you thought you did. But at least you have come out of this with your honour intact, which is more than he has done.
I hope that you start feeling better soon, and realise that he is not worth the pain he has caused you. And I hope this will be a valuable lesson for you in the future, and that you will never again be treated in this way.
2006-10-23 04:43:14 · answer #7 · answered by langdonrjones 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it takes time to get over it and u will but maybe he had bigger problems then just u inside his head. live and learn you did not really know him well enought as look what he did. he wasn't the person you thought he was be glad you found out now and not 4 kids later. be glad that was all you lost and not more. i know it hurts but i have had someone leave me too and thought i was and wanting to die and had hard time doing my job. i am over it now but still hurt some when i think about it. you may never forget but you can move on in time. take a deep breath and get busy
2006-10-23 04:46:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about the good things in life. Always think positive. You know what life is like that and believe me no body is happy no body all the way. You need to count your blessings and live with it. Love hurts i know because i been there and it was hurt full when he left me. But life will move on and you will find someone who cares about you. So to get rid of pain just count your blessings.
2006-10-23 04:41:17 · answer #9 · answered by Alisha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it's not easy I been there, my ex had a child he hid from me. There is no set time, it can take weeks, months it depends on you. However keep busy and think about your goals and that will help if you put yourself first for a change.
2006-10-23 04:38:34 · answer #10 · answered by Juleette 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋