How can i move on? I need answers...?

Question

I have depression and it just gets worse, the cause of my depression is a long winded 5 years of hell and im not going to go into that but i cannot move on from what has happened untill i have answers from my dad. He messed up my whole families lifes. He used to be such a family man and now hes totally changed and we dont have any contact at all. I dreaded my 18th birthday, and now im dreading christmas, i have panic attacks and dont sleep (i have insomnia but this always gets worse with stress)
Any suggestions?
Thanks.

Answer 1

Annie, i am sorry for what you are going through. Sometimes these things happen to people and depression isnt a great thing to have or deal with, especially as a young woman. I think that looking into a grief counselor might help, or perhaps a family counselor. If you can't do that, your local church usually has a minister or someone there that you can set up an appointment with. You may never get answers from your father, but you also can't allow him to cause your entire life to be miserable. It is time to live for you (wow, i am a hypocrite!!) and try and enjoy your life. Sometimes forgiveness is what people need to do in order to move forward with their lives. It may not be something you will EVER get over, just as long as you do whatever you can to get THROUGH it. Some things are never get-overable (i just made that word up). Good luck and I hope things work out. No one deserves to be depressed at 18!!! Also, keep in mind to be happy for the family and friends and loved ones you still have in your life and be with them on your 18th birthday instead of thinking of who you are going to be without.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear that you are suffering from depression.I sympathise with you,because I have a son who suffers from manic depression and it's a real heartbreak to me.
As you don't say what the problems were that made the distance between you and your dad, it's hard to be too specific.The only advice I can give you is make an appointment with your doctor,who will probably prescribe some anti-depressants for you which should help. You aren't sleeping because your mind is spinning around most of the time trying to find the answers you want from your dad. Is there perhaps a way just you and your dad could meet up,so that you could talk things over.If not writing a letter is very good as it gets all the inner thoughts out of your head,also you can take your time in expressing the way you feel. Sometimes when you are actually face to face with the person, a reply from them can throw you off of what you were going to say. You will also find writing very theraputic. Going by your age I would suspect your dad must be in his forties or nearing them,perhaps he is going through some sort of change (like in women) this is why he is acting out of character. Celebrations are always the hardest times to get through if you are seperated from a close relative,as they are normally always there.I really am sorry you are so down,I hope you have a good friend you can talk to, as a trouble shared is a trouble halved.The only advice I can give you is,all the worrying in the world won't change a situation,it's strange how things sometimes sort themselves out. Try the letter writing though,I'm sure it will help and good luck.
I will be thinking of you.

Answer 3

Are you on meds for your depression? If not see your dr for some help and if you are see your dr about changing/increasing your meds. Depression can be devistating if left untreated and most people can't get through it without help. You also need some counseling to help you deal with all your feelings and to get some control back into your life. Get a support system so when you are feeling down or need to talk someone is there to listen. My biggest suggestion at this time is to avoid your dad--he has caused you a lot of pain and it is time to take a break from him. I understand the holidays are coming up and you feel you should spend it with family but if this will make you feel worse spend them with other people like friends. Or see the rest of your family after dad has left. You are 18 yrs old so you are not legally obligated to see him at all. It's your choice. Do whatever is best for your emotional well being. God bless.

Answer 4

I had similar family problems and i've found that the best thing you can and NEED to do is to be selfish and look after yourself. Sounds like you're not going to get any answers to any questions you may have for your father, so the best thing you can do is to move on with your life. It sounds as though all the things your father visited on you and your family has caught up with him. If you feel /felt you wanted to have a go at him and tell him how much he messed up your life etc. trust me, he's going through his own personal hell now which is why he's taken refuge in alcohol...he can't face up to all he's done. I' not being callous here, but when it's someone like a parent that's involved in everything, it can be really hard to do the 'right thing'. You don't want to walk away and leave someone else to carry the can, but, if you don't want to end up a broken, emotional cripple then you need to put some distance between you and your dad. Walk away for your own sanity and perhaps consider writing down all the things you ever wanted to say to your dad and sending it to him...it worked for me. I felt unburdened cos i got to say what i wanted uninterrupted and without tears and emotion gettin in the way...it took a very long time, but my dad and i now have a better relationship than i ever would have thought possible. You're still very young...give yourself time, but more importantly, put your needs first. I truly wish you all the luck in the world xo

Answer 5

Unfortunately, You probably won't find the answer on a website! You need to go to a trained professional. That's why they are there! I'm certain you'll find out that you're not the first to feel like this. Your doctor can give you meds for this. You can see your regular Family Practitioner, or even your gynecologist! Just let them know that you're depressed and they can point you in the right direction! An FP might even be able to treat you! I've even seen Nurse Practitioners treat depression! It will not get better until you do something about it! DON'T WAIT! Good luck!

Answer 6

I suffer from depression caused by issues with my father and his behaviour towards me and the rest of my family as well. There are days when I feel it is just getting worse and I can hardly do anything and there are days when I still feel it but I can force myself to live an almost 'normal' life without people knowing. I have tried anti depressants but they were not for me, what helps me most is talking about it. Counsellors / psychologists might help you. I did not want to admit the problem let alone talk about what happened for years but honestly when I finally did it was a relief. Things will never be perfect but I accept that now and deal with each day as it comes. Maybe therapy of some kind might help you deal with it too. Good luck and remember that no one should spoil your life so do what you can to get control of your life again. xxx

Answer 7

You should be enjoying life to the full at 18 years of age. Forget about your father, forget about your depression and sit down and have a good talk to yourself. I mean it. Take a decision today that you are going to make something special out of your life and go for it. You would be amazed at how many big stars and successful business people had a very bad start to life. At the minute dealing with your father is pulling your health down and as time goes on your health will suffer even more. If you go to the doctor he/she will put you on anti depressents and you could be on them for life. Their purpose is to numb your brain so you can't think or remember and they slow you down to a stop. You would be like a zombie. You don't need that. Get it into your mind that you are no longer going to be tied down by anybody. You are capable of great things and you are going to achieve them. Boost your confidence. Panic attacks are caused by a build up of things no doubt based around your father until tehy reach a peak and something has to give. Your heart rate goes up and you just all tense up. Relax that is all in the past. Today you can be a new person do things that you enjoy. Alcohol will make you worse so you will not find the answer there. Over two years ago I moved some 200 miles. I got to know my nearest neighbour quickly. He told me that he had suffered with depression for 26 years and was on medication. He told me he was on medication for life. He was not able to work. I got him out of his little environment and encouraged him to take up a hobby to boost his confidence. He has not had depression in the last two years and takes no medication. I hardly see him now he is so active with his hobby that he is thoroughly enjoying life.

Answer 8

Well here goes.......You really need to seek professional help here. Posting questions on this site is not the answer. You will get lots of replys, most will be supportive, nearly all will be well - meaning, and many will hopefully give you some comfort, as others have or have gone through similar stuff to you. You need to talk about your specific situation with a trained councillor if you are to move forward and start dealing with your issues, I wouldn't dare offer you any advise other than to wish you luck.

Answer 9

first off i am gonna say that thats truely a sad thing and that i am very sorry to hear that. Its very unfair for any child to not have a father present in their life.
second i would say yes it is hard to deal with but a good way to help is to have good friends to be able to talk to you about your situation. it might be uncomfortable at first but true friends have very good input. family, although your father had neglected to be a dad you can depend on the rest of your family. Family should be the best thing you can count on. If talking to people who are closest to you doesnt help then maybe trying to seek professional help would be sufficent. Stress is something ppl have too much in their life and its a bad thing to have. Do things to keep you mind off of the idea of your father not being there. Sports are good ways to keep your mind off things, just hangin out with friends, meeting ppl, being social. hopefully your father smartens up and realize what he is really missing out on, if not sadly it will leave a lasting effect but you can turn the negative to a positive. Hopefully all gets better !

Answer 10

You have to accept the things that you can't change. You are not responsible for your dad and the choices he makes. I know that the way he is now doesn't fit with your idea of normal but unfortunately because of his bad choices you now have to accept a new normal for your life. Stressing about it will not help you at all, in fact it will only make things worse...including your health. You need to talk to someone you can trust and let them help you sort out all of the mixed feelings you have right now. As much as we would like to sometimes things happen in our lives that we are unable to sort out by ourselves. I am really sorry to hear that your dad has caused you so much pain and anguish. I wish you the best of luck. And remember, right now you need to focus your time and energy on you....you deserve it.