I've been talking to this girl. She is beautiful, inteliigent and seems to be my type. The issue is that she has a 2 yr old daughter. Now I don't have a problem with single mothers, but I am not ready to be a father figure to the child. She keeps saying that her ex is involved in the kid's life, the visits are rare and I see her more often than him. Is this going to be a problem? I need all single mothers to voice your opinion. Can you consider dating a guy who doesn't want to be part your child's life at all (at least for the recent future)?. Have you ever doen that? Did it work out?
Please save the "you're are inconsiderate" crap. I am trying to be honest here and save both of us from unnecessary pain.
2006-10-23 04:30:21 · 14 answers · asked by Existentialist_Guru 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I don't hate kids, but being a father figure is just more than playing with them. It is taking responsibility, instilling values, basically shaping their mind. I guess a lot of people who become fathers have no idea how important it is. I guess I have too many questions unanswered in my own life to play God to a child who is isn't even mine.
2006-10-23 05:02:05 · update #1
It doesn't work out & if you truly don't think you are cut out for being a father figure at this time, then walk away. She's a package deal & can't just push her child aside to spend time with you - or if she's a good mother, let's just say that she won't do that. I would not date a man who did not want to be around my children - they are my life. The last guy I dated was uncomfortable being around them for long periods of time - he was 35, never been married, never had kids or been around young kids for any period of time. It didn't work. I DO understand what you are trying to do - & I applaud you for it. Walk away now before ya'll get any deeper. Someone will get hurt if you stay & expect her to be childless - most likely the little girl would be the one to get hurt the most. At that age, she is looking for a daddy. I know - my daughter hooked on to the Scout leaders in my sons' cub scout troop & they were tickled with the chance to be her father figures. I couldn't have asked for better men to step in & fill the role her own father didn't want. Give it a lot of thought & talk to the mom. Tell her your thoughts, feelings & reservations. I think if you can't accept her & her child 100%, then you have no business trying to build that relationship. Good luck & god blesss ya for being so honest. That isn't always easy, I know.
2006-10-23 04:56:27 · answer #1 · answered by pumpkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie...that was a good question...and a fair one...I give you Kudos for at least being honest about your feelings before involving a single mom and her child in something that could turn out bad...
If you are in fact not ready to deal with the raising of a child, then you need to leave her alone until you know that you are...
It's cool that you can admit you don't want to be father figure to a child...you are mature enough you know you are not ready for that kind of responsibility and that is great...some people are never be ready for that kind of responsibility...and it's to bad people would say that you are inconsiderate :(
You shouldn't be with a woman with a kid unless you are willing to accept the kid now...they are a package deal baby...that child will see you as figure in his life cause you are in Mommy's life...the child will get attached whether you want it or not...so unless you are ready to be something positive to that child...move on...good luck to you
2006-10-23 04:46:04 · answer #2 · answered by Luv_bunny 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well this is because I beleive there is a loop hole in the Council tax benefits / Housing benefits regulations. If the man only stays 3 nights its ok and she is still single !! If he stays four or more they are a couple. Someone will tell me if I have the timescale wrong. I was at a friends the other day and she have other visitors as well it turns out the visitor and his wife don't live together for most of the week as they can't afford to, he stays at his fathers and "visits" his wife so she claims benefits as a single parent. I told my friend if I find out their surname and address I will report them to the council. Its the councils faults . I am a single parent due to divorce entitled to no benefits of any description I work full time and hate my taxes being used for this sort of thing.
2016-05-22 01:15:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you have to relise, this child comes first before any1 2 her, if you don't want to get invoved with the child that is fair enough for now the next couple of months mayb, but if you want to be with this woman for a wile you will have to be involved with the child not a daddy figure as she has a daddy already but this child will be in the company of you both alot, she loves herdaughter more than anything and it will upset her if you dont want to be in contact with the child, be honest talk to her abt this, the poor woman has probably alot to deal with on a day to day basis, gud luck with it, all mother deserved to be loved.
2006-10-23 04:39:50 · answer #4 · answered by comeo!! 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, absolutely. I pay my own bills, take care of my own kid, etc. The last thing I want or need is some man who is coming into a relationship WANTING to be a father figure to my kid. The only requirement is that - if at some point years down the road - we get serious, you've gotta be able to be a stepdad. But that is so far down the road that it would be pretty natural at that point. Yes, it will work out. It will be a new experience but not one to get all hung up about.
2006-10-23 04:42:25 · answer #5 · answered by M K 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you're inconsiderate, I applaud you for being honest.. as long as you've been honest with the woman that you've been seeing.
I was a single mother for years, and encountered lots of men in your position, and I didn't fault them for it. I know that it's hard to be thrown into the position of a parent.. most people ease into it. They talk about having kids, then they have 9 months to prepare, and the baby comes.. it's easier.
For a man, dating a woman who already has a child, it's harder, and I understand that, and so should everyone else, including this woman.
I remember when I was that single mother.. looking for a companion.. I wasn't looking for a father for my son, I already had one.. I wanted a companion for me. Of course, I wasn't going to bring a man into my home if he didn't like children, or want to hang out with them. Obviously he was going to see my son more than his father, my son lived with me..
What a single mother wants.. is someone to be there for her, not the child. Of course we want to know that you like children, and that you're going to play with them once and a while.. but you're not there for the child, you're there for the mother.
2006-10-23 04:47:59 · answer #6 · answered by Imani 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know what? I totally appreciate your honesty, I really do! I would say if you feel that way, let her know and get out of this relationship. My current husband is like this, he hates my kids and its very noticeable! I wish he'd have been honest b4 we ever married! He's sneaky about it ie: wanting my daughter to always go somewhere. It makes me sick that he is that way and I'm working on getting out. I don't think that your relationship with this girl will work, she has a family and you are not interested in having one. Not that that makes you a bad person. I wish you luck - please don't waste her time or yours.
2006-10-23 04:36:54 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am an ex single parent because i am now married and expecting my second child
When i started dating my husband he wasnt a father figure for my child because it was too early for that.
But he respected him and my situation.
He used to play with him when i used to take him out with us.
Now that we are married he is a father figure for him and i wouldnt marry him if i knew he wouldnt be that.
2006-10-23 04:36:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay i have seen your answers to this question and i dont agree you should listen to them i am a singel mother (my choice) i think if you like her go for it .if she is pushing it to were she is wanting you to be the father then back up cause you said in the letter that you are not ready to be a father but you can be a man and play with the kid and give it some attintion my opionis that (ITS NOT THE KIDS FULT DONT BRING IT IN IT )
2006-10-23 04:46:16 · answer #9 · answered by ashley m 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
seriously mate if you aint ready to take on the child dont get involved.you must be prepared 2 take on the whole package or it wont work. good luck
2006-10-23 04:37:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋