My boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years. Just yesterday he told me that I am smothering him and that I need to get a life of my own. So... I'm avoiding him. I'm not going to answer his calls, and even though my birthday is on wednesday, I don't want him around me unless it's his decision. I work hard during the day, and go to school nights. Every minute of time that I get, I want to spend it with him. Is that wrong? I love him, and would spend the rest of my life with him in a heartbeat, but why doesn't he want to spend time with me, like I do with him? Anyway, if he needs "space", then I'll give him space, the question is am I doing the right thing in putting so much distance between us, or am I just making things worse?
2006-10-23 04:20:38 · 12 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It seems that people keep thinking that I'm not independent, or that he is not independent. I am very independent... I take care of a lot of things on my own, I don't have many friends because I don't have time for them and I would rather not have friends than be a bad one! He gets to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants... I'm not demanding and I never tell him that he can't do something that he wants to do. Am I asking to much from him to put as much love and devotion into this relationship as I am? I'm so busy I hardly have time to myself, but I want to keep our relationship alive and growing, so I devote as much of my time to him as possible, if he truly cares about me shouldn't he do the same?
2006-10-23 06:32:25 · update #1
I don't think you should avoid him and not answer his calls, I think you should let him come to you. Don't call him, give him his space and see how he responds. Don't be sarcastic when yo talk to him either. Needing some space is not necessarly a bad thing. It could make him realize how much he loves you. Just sit back an wait and don't make yourself sick over it. This could turn out to be a good thing. Good luck in love!
2006-10-23 04:28:30 · answer #1 · answered by angie a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looking back, was there any tension between you before your boyfriend said this? Three years is a long time, and it seems like there should be some reason as to why he would say this to you..? Have you discussed having a future life together? There's the possibility that maybe he's afraid to "seal" a commitment between the both of you. I hope this is not the case for your sake, but people do fall out of love. Giving him space is fine, but you are going to need to have a serious talk about where things stand in your relationship.
I hope it works out for the best...
2006-10-23 11:53:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a guy, he doesn't know what he wants. He knows he has something good with you, but he still wonders what else is out there. He probably sees you as the one, but thinks there might be something out there better and since he is always with you he has no way of knowing. This is very common for guys, very common. Don't be nasty about it, but give him his space and let him initiate your time together. Better yet, make plans with other people so that you are not there everytime he wants you to be. He probably just feels kinda trapped, but it is just a guy thing and not really a relationship problem thing.
2006-10-23 11:50:58 · answer #3 · answered by tightlies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should answer his calls but let him come to you. In backing off so swiftly you might have made him realize that he was wrong and that he misses you. Allow him to contact you so you can work this out. If you just ignore him then your sending him the message that if he wants his space he can have all of it because you don't want him anymore. Answer the phone. What can it hurt?
2006-10-23 11:25:17 · answer #4 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to tell without knowing more. Did he say it in some particular context? Usually if someone says they need space, after such a long time together, that means their feelings for you aren't quite as strong or that they found something (or someone) that interests them more, but it could be different in your case. It could also be that he doesn't want to get engaged or married, he could be distancing himself for that reason.
2006-10-23 11:26:34 · answer #5 · answered by musiclover 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him some air. and avoiding him would be a good thing> let him see whod head one in charge. Its also possible that hes not feeling you anymore. You said you spend a lot of time @ work and school. somebody may have knocked your spot.
2006-10-23 11:23:19 · answer #6 · answered by Luckys Charm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you are doing the right thing..give him the space he wants, but try to do it like you are losing interest, he will notice then he'll be the one trying to spend time with you...answer only one call and try to sound to busy to talk, dont even try to convince him of spending more time with u it will make things worst, guys dont understand any of that...good luck with that
2006-10-23 11:38:36 · answer #7 · answered by Gabs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem I think is not YOU but him. It looks like he does not love you anymore, bacause no man who is in love with you would say that thing. Wait ...and see what happens next ...do not call him nor talk ...wait
2006-10-23 11:29:06 · answer #8 · answered by truli u 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
am sorry to say that, but what he said, could never come out from someone who really loves you.
you are doing the right thing by keeping him away.
good luck
2006-10-23 11:25:19 · answer #9 · answered by mhk9626 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when he says needs space he actually needs outerspace, he is an alien
2006-10-23 11:24:15 · answer #10 · answered by steve m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋