What do you do when your husband is schziophrenic?

Question

My hubby of six years has been diagnosed with schziophrenia. I was shocked and some what releived because I knew that something was wrong with him. I knew that he had to be mentally ill a few years ago when he started talking to himself. Now six years and two baby girls later I am hit with this problem. He is unable to suppport us and I have to go to work. This also means that I have to find childcare for my children and some kind of care for him as well. Is it ok to say I don't want to do this. I have grown to fall out of love with him because I have dealt with alot of abuse due to this illness. Please someone has to have some advice out there??!!! Thanks for you help.

Answer 1

I have bipolar disorder and schizoaffective tendencies. This just means I have bipolar disorder with schizo too.

Try to remember what it was like when you were first in love with him. It might be the illness that's making him abusive. Sometimes those with schizophrenia can become violent. It's the illness talking, really. He can really use your support, even if he seems distant or uncaring towards you. Is he on any medication? Does he see a psychiatrist? It's not at all unusual for those afflicted to refuse meds and doctor visits. Sometimes we believe, or want to believe, there's nothing wrong with us.

As far as supporting the family, has he applied for SSI or SSDI? I qualified the first time I applied. Contrary to popular belief, the SSA does not "automatically" turn you down the first time you apply, so don't let that sway you. The monthly check isn't usually as much as you could make if you worked, but it's SOMETHING coming in. Better than nothing. It's worth a shot. Also, don't think that you have to consult a lawyer for this. As a friend of mine found out, the lawyer will take anywhere from 1/4 to 1/2 of the "lump sum" he'll receive. Since you have internet access, you can do it all on the internet. It's pretty easy but takes a long time to fill out all the paperwork.

This is a hard road to go down. Have you considered a support group for family members? Contact a psychiatric hospital in your area and they might be able to help. Sometimes just knowing someone else is going through the same thing you're going through is very helpful and comforting. The hospital can also help find adult day care for those with mental health issues. There are tons of options, believe me.

Answer 2

Hi there,

Please don't panic. He can be helped, however success will take time and tremendous patience. Visit a copetent minister/pastor at a church near you & a Psychiatrist or Clinical Psychologist in your area. Just check with directory service or your yellow pages for local listings. I too have had my fiancee end our relationship because my health became a reccurring decimal, preventing us from moving ahead with our relationship to marriage (I had difficulty keeping jobs) After 14 years of treatment I am ready to be weaned off my meds. Only you can decide if for better of worse and if you're not getting the help you need, a girls gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Your husband however must get help. See if he qualifies for social security benefits, and medicare benefits. The persons I suggested you go and see can direct you to get some help. Good luck whatever happens. Talk to his family, siblings etc. also.

Answer 3

Schizophrenia is a serious mental illness it's unfortunate that you are going through this. People will say to you all sort of things on how to make your decision but you have to do what you think is the best decision for you and your children. And if that is to leavehim than that's what you have to do. Don't feel obligated to stay in the house because that is the 'right' thing to do, because along with the rights and wrongs it might be 'unsafe'. And it is our responsiblity to protect our children. They deserve a dad but most importantly they deserve a normal and safe household. Talk to his doctor who is more experienced in this sort of situation. Explain him/her your feeling before you make your decision. Now a days doctors respond so much faster and in detail if you contact them via email... those blueberries?

Answer 4

It's hard. I have found myself in a similar situation - though not as dramatic schziophrenia. We went to see counciling. It was hard to convince him to go at first, he was angry about it, but when I told him that I had to leave he finally went to get help.
He's asked me to go with him to his sessions, but I also went to get help for myself with the same doctor - understandably I had my own depression to deal with.
Not only have I found ways to regain control over my own depression, the doctor has a better insight on my husband's behaviors outside of what my husband says.
We are still seperating but this is really empowering both my husband and myself as well as allowing me to be prepared to raise a child who may one day have a mood disorder of his own (mood disorders can be genetic). And... if my husband and I do divorce, the therapy sessions are helping me realize the warning signs so that I (if I remarry) don't fall into the same situation. Often women marry men that are in some ways like their ex's!
It's hard, but you need to do what is best for yourself as well as for your children. You may not be able to change your daughters' genetics, but you can change thier environment; and you should if he is abusive.
Your daughters do not need to grow up seeing how you and your husband live and think that it is healthy and normal.

Answer 5

I suggest getting some counseling for yourself first. The idea to turn tail and run would be eveybodies first thought. However leaving him because you are scared of what his diagnosis means would leave him in a very vunerable place and you with a very heavy burden when your children ask what you've done with thier father. Regardless of your decition about your marriage your children have the right to be in thier fathers life and if you deny them that they will resent you. And you will resent yourself.

Answer 6

well i believe marriage should be forever, but if he has abused you because of it and you have fallen out of love w/ him then i would say get out of the marriage. you don't want your children to be at risk for getting abused. your children come first before you or your spouse. you do what you think is best for them. no one knows your situation better than you, so you have to be the one to make the decisions. obviously your husband cant. i personally would not keep my children exposed to that. children are better off coming from a broken home than living in one.

Answer 7

Ouch! I think he'll end up wondering off on his own.most of them do at some point. Some get put in homes but I think there just sent back out on there own to start all over again.

Answer 8

The break up letter, God's email and definition of wife and mother were just too good. Tomorrow morning the first thing i would be doing ofcourse after brushing my teeth would be telling them to my friends! You deserve lots of stars! Ok my Character map isnt allowing me to copy stars, so please adjust with these hearts! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥..... LOL God knows how many thumbs down i'll get for this one! Anyway, Cheers! :) Rudra

Answer 9

He should be receiving some kind of counseling that should also focus on relationships. Joint counseling together and even just counseling for you on how to deal with this may be needed. This is a difficult time for both of you. If you work together, you can get through this.

Answer 10

I think depression will aggravate his utterly bad condition. be with him more, and that might be a cure, though he may not be cured,