I got a job in london for 6 months. My exclusive boyfriend of a year and a half (who lives in the states) and I decided that we would continue seeing each other, but be nonexclusive, and also see other people. Neither of us are in the place for something serious now, but we thought maybe in the future things could still work out. I came back to visit and found out that hes been sleeping with his best friend. Granted, he hasn't cheated as we can see whomever we please, but when we were dating I had expressed discomfort in him hooking up with her. They are super close, and she wants to have a relationship, though he continues to tell both of us he doesnt want anything serious, but if he were to have something serious it would getting back with me. Do I stick around and keep dating him, or are the chances too high that they fall and love while I'm gone that I should just get out while I'm still alive? Please help- it's an answer that I can't find on my own.
2006-10-23 03:02:01 · 12 answers · asked by pork pie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He's using her for convenience since he already knows he won't fall in love with her. That's cruel.
You really need to look at the nature of your attachment to him and decide if you're better off with or without him. I hear London has some extremely nice guys, and one of my fantasies has always been to have one of them read sonnets from Shakespeare or poems from John Donne to me in that lilting accent.
Why don't you talk to a few local guys to see if you are in the mood to be nonexclusive too? Maybe you are through with him, maybe not, but you won't find out if you don't try.
2006-10-23 03:08:14 · answer #1 · answered by nora22000 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tub of hot water.... first place, you and the other girl had no business being with a house full of guys, don't you think??? Alcohol is just an excuse you have scrounged up as to the reasoning why it happened. I think it would be big of you to tell your friend what happened between you and her bf, and expect the worst come out of all with her friendship. I wouldn't want you as my friend any more. If as my friend, I couldn't trust you like you were my own sister, then I wouldn't want you. You should feel guilty, bad and everything else for letting it happened. You wanted it to happen when it did or you would had found a way to get out of it. Apparently the thought of your friend was no where in your thoughts at the time. How would you feel if she did you this way? I think you owe her an explanation due to it eating at you like a cancer. And I wouldn't think you owed anyone else an explanation. She and he could take it from there. But I believe you would need to stay clear of her and find yourself another friend to chum with and hope that you have learned a very valuable lesson in this ordeal.
2016-05-22 00:57:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's how it is: He is telling you both the same thing. All the while he is getting the best of 2 lovely women.
You agreed to be nonexclusive, so if you put up with it, you can't later claim he cheated.
So either live with being just friends with benefits - or find someone else. You obviously want a non-exclusive relationship with boundaries, but have not expressed it properly.
2006-10-23 03:08:19 · answer #3 · answered by snvffy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you leave him, your chances of loosing him are 100%. He's got a girl who isn't playing games, who knows he score and is willing ot play by the rules set as they are, why would he chase a girl who keeps changing the rules whenever she wants? You agreed to this, live by it, or die by it. Your chances of loosing him if you stick with him are a lot less. The girl I married stuck with me when we were non-exclusive, and that was a big part of the reason I picked her: she was able to stick to what she said she would, she didn't play games. I'm a busy guy, I don't have time to come home after work and play nursary attendant to grade school games. You said non-exclusive, you said date anyone, did you mean it, or was it a game? Say what you mean.
Good communication is when the thoughts in your head match the thoughts you create in his head through your words. The thoughts you created are that he can date anyone he likes, and you'll be okay with it. Are those the thoughts in your head? If not, you're the one at fault for lousy communication. Either change your thoughs, or admit it's your fault and leave him alone and do better next time with the next guy. There's nothing wrong with making a mistake, the problem is making the same mistake over and over and not fixing the problem.
2006-10-23 03:17:17 · answer #4 · answered by Sean J 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Think about it really hard... You left, he is still in the states, doing what ever he wants (sex) your doing better for your self, if he's not ready to commit to you and he sleeps with someone else (doesn't matter who it is!) He obviously need to do a lot more growing up, and by that time you'll be an old maid and still in the states, your in London for crying out loud!! Perhaps he is not the one for you, stay focused where your life is leading you, and go with that, he is just a bump in the road. You may think you love him, ask yourself is it love or lust?don't blow your career for lust.
2006-10-23 03:11:32 · answer #5 · answered by Hotonic 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Run Run Run. I realize that you aren't serious but if he's obviously having his cake and eating it too. I would cut ties with him because he will lead you both on as long as he can. If you two were really meant to be then you will end up together eventually. But for now I would stay away and try to find myself someone who is a bit closer to me. (Geographically)
2006-10-23 03:06:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's your fault he is sleeping around, you gave him the ok!
"I said :I decided that we would continue seeing each other, but be noneexclusive, also see other people! Those are you'r own words! Now before you run the other way, finish with him!!
2006-10-23 03:09:32 · answer #7 · answered by alfonso 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is taking advantage of his "best friend" that you state "wants to have a relationship with him" and just says he doesn't want anything serious, except with you...do you really want to tie yourself to this man? Even at best, he cares for you but is using her into manipulating you in to trying to change your decision. Do you really want to be involved with a man who would use his best friend?
2006-10-23 03:10:04 · answer #8 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Non-exclusive relationships are good for one thing. Sex when you are between relationships. And then you must be sure you never want a long term relationship with them. Even then it can get messy.
Your instincts are right move on.
2006-10-23 03:10:16 · answer #9 · answered by Dennis Fargo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out. you can still be friends. if you guys are meant to be you will eventually end up togehter but for now go out and if you meet someone else so be it. Enjoy your life and have FUN!!!!!!
2006-10-23 03:08:35 · answer #10 · answered by Lady_Y 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋