We are both against abortion or atleast i thought i was before this happened. I feel like such a horrible person because i don't feel anything for this child that is mine and it is supposed to be the happiest moment of my life! We have discussed it over and over and there is no way she is going to abort. I understand her side but, the thing i can't stop thinking about is the fact that i feel nothing and because of our situation i will resent her and this child for ruining my life. WOW that sounds really selfish, i know, but, the thing is i want to be financially ready and mentally willing to have a nchild and that time is NOT now. What choice do i have?
2006-10-23 02:17:38 · 28 answers · asked by Los 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
OK after the barage of "answers" so far i think i need to clarify some things:
1- i love my fiance' and do not plan on leaving her
2- i do not want to abort the child, just was concerned about the way i feel
3-We do practice safe sex, she just neglected to tell me she stopped taking the pill
Thank you to the people who were not so quick to judge!
2006-10-23 03:51:54 · update #1
You don't have any more choices except one....you can choose to be in this baby's life or not.
Your girlfriend is obviously going to keep the baby. You helped make it, so you have a financial obligation to support it for the next 21 years.
Your choice whether the financial support will include emotional support as well. From what you are saying, it's obvious your emotions AREN'T involved.
Best to stand back, and give your girl the opportunity to find someone who is willing to be a Dad to this kid. And don't ever think that not being emotionally attached means you can leave this kid to suffer physically. Your financial obligation doesn't cease until the kid is able to look after himself as an adult.
2006-10-23 02:38:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
What you are feeling right now is actually quite common. Many men don't feel any emotions for the child until the child is born. They feel very detached from the whole pregnancy, mainly because it's all about the Mom and the baby.
As far as waiting until you are financially and mentally prepared, that will never happen. What I mean is, you will never feel you are ready or able. For the most part, people have a very unrealistic view of what is required to raise a child. Money is nice, but not everything. My husband is in the Air Force, which as we all know the armed forces don't pay well. But I am pregnant with our 4th child and we live quite well. We own a very nice house, have two good dependable vehicles and want for not. You just become better budget planners and learn to prioritize your spending. We don't eat out a lot, don't spend frivolously and don't use credit cards UNLESS it's a huge emergency.
Best of luck!
2006-10-23 12:32:49 · answer #2 · answered by aliza1999 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I got pregnant with my daughter I felt exactly the same way you did. That's cause I was the one that was pregnant. I was so confused and scared that I didn't even look at the screen during the sonagram. It wasn't until I was six and a half months pregnant that I started accepting the fact that I was going to have a baby. The fact of the matter is this is a child that you helped create and I assume out of love. You should have thought about this when you didn't use protection. (I was told the same) So I guess what I am saying is you need to find out what it is that your really feeling cause to me it sounds like your just not ready that your scared cause you have so much more to do than settle down and raise a kid. NOT that you dont want the baby. If you don't want the responsability then you can just call off the engagement and go your seperate ways and not be involved in your childs life(which to me is the cowards way out) or you can embrace this situation and find yourself madly in love with this kid and the baby will be your world. This child is a gift from God and He obviously thinks your ready. Good Luck!
2006-10-23 09:31:34 · answer #3 · answered by baby girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may not feel anything for the unborn baby right now, but just wait until you see the face of YOUR CHILD....it is the most undescribable feeling in the world, once you are a parent, nothing in the world matters except that you have a baby that you love and cherish. A child changes your entire outlook on life and it is the best thing that will ever happen to you and your fiance. I really dont' think you have any choice at this point, if you and your fiance abort this baby you will regret it for the rest of your lives especially the minute your first child is born and you realize what you've missed with the child you aborted. Believe me just go dive in head first. Children don't need money to survive - they need love.
2006-10-23 12:43:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your right you are selfish, you really have no right to say whether or not she shuold have this baby. I t is her body and even if you conviced her to vahe an abortion, she would inturn resent you for the rest of your life. It is so easy for a man to say have a n abortion, your not the one having a living thing growing inside of you. From experience, i had one at the age of 19 and i new i wasnt finacially ready but i will never forget the day that it happened. I still have nightmares about wht my baby wouldve looked like. When my due date comes areound i think about it evry year. when would have his or her birthday been. It s hard to do i would never do it again. I would nt wish that feeling on my worst enemy. You maybe scared right now and a little hesitant, but once yo see thatbaby face, or just hearing the heartbeat is an amazing feeling that comes over you. Dont push her away, she will need you and so will that baby. Everything always seem to works its way out. Oh and by the way , your fiance and this baby isnt the ones ruining your life , you did that all by yourself when you had unprotected sex. If you depended on her bc then your stupid. Not all bc is 100% effective. Its alot easier blaming other people for your screw ups isnt it. Noone to blame but yourself, you selfish, ignorant being.
2006-10-23 09:40:32 · answer #5 · answered by tsd574 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well no one is ever really ready to have a baby! Most of the time it just happens without any prior planning whats so ever!
You don't sound like a horrible person, just someone who wants the best for their children. Which is the first step towards being a good parent. Don't fret. I think that once the baby comes your outlook is going to be completely different. This is a life changing experience. It may take you time to adjust.
As far as choice. Hun... you made that choice when you un-locked your pants. Just try to be understanding with your fiance. If you truly want the best for you children then stay close to your fiance', go to doctor's appts., and at least try to get through the pregnancy!
Once that baby pops out, I can promise you your outlook on the situation will change!
Good Luck!
2006-10-23 09:25:12 · answer #6 · answered by I Ain't Your Momma 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a shame...
You shouldnt have had un protected sex if you werent prepared to face the consequences. You dont have a choice in the matter - you have to support your child, not only because of legalities bt because its the right thing to do. You say you will resent her and this child for ruinging your life?! My goodness Los, you made the choice to have sex didnt you? Whether youre financially ready or mentally ready, neither matters now. You better step up to the plate and be a man. There has never been a question that has infuriated me such as yours. Hope you get your life sorted..
2006-10-23 09:30:56 · answer #7 · answered by Chez 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So you should have know better
use Condom /or she use PILLS
But damage is done
how is the child going to ruin your life
look at it this way
did you guys plan to have children in the near future (after the wedding) if so then tell your self that it is an act of God
for what ever reason this is what God have given me I have to learn to deal with it
and if by the time the baby start kicking inside of her you touch her stomach and you still want nothing to do with it and you feel that she should abort it than it time for you to move on
don't just run away sit her down tell
that you are not good anough for the baby & her, you are a selfish bastard, you feel nothing for the baby
& you think that you should not be with them
As you say you are selfish
but in my observation of what you wrote I don't think so
I think that you are worried and that is normal
so take time you will fall in love the minute this baby kick
Good Luck
2006-10-23 09:28:36 · answer #8 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can't push aside your feelings and be supportive of your fiancee and at least try to be happy about it, then you need to let your fiancee go so she can raise the baby on her own, they'll be better off without an immature, selfish person such as yourself. Just make sure you pay your child support. I know that sounds harsh, but I truly think that's what will be best for all, IF you really can't make yourself do the right thing. That said, just because you don't feel anything now, that doesn't mean you won't once you see your child, the love you feel can be overwhelming. Don't burn your bridges, you might live to regret it.
2006-10-23 09:22:58 · answer #9 · answered by nimo22 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
WOW. now that we are al over the shock let's answer that question with a question. do you love your fiance'? can you see yourself with her through thick and thin? if yes, then you are in the mist of thick my friend. i don't know how far along your finance' is but maybe because there's no baby right now it feels surreal to you so you can say you don't feel anything. it's a lot easier to say thing when the person ( in this case an unborn child) is not there to hear what's being said. do you really want her to have an abortion ? or are you just afraid that your life is going to end now?
you want something shocking. i didnt feel anything for my son when i was pregnant with him. i just kept thing how im stuck now that im having a kid. i felt like a phoney when people would ask me how i felt and i would be like great. then as soon as he was born he sneezed. didn't cry (well he did but he stopped like 2 seconds later) just sneezed. my husband (then my boyfreind) went to go look at him and he grabbed his finger and wouldn't let go. that's when i feel in love with the most imprtant man in my life. im not saying your going to have the same experience but don't count your baby out just yet. he or she will touch you in their own special way. and you know what if you still don't feel anything for your child after the fact. then perhaps it's best if you don't. hey who said life was alway about what 's considered right.
besides i think your going to be okay. you want to know how i know. you started your question off with "my fiance'' there must be major love between you three (yes even with the baby) if you're still together. all things happen for a reason. your ready to be a dad now if you weren't you wouldn't BE a father.
good luck and i hope things work out. keep me posted at desiree60411@yahoo.com that's aslong as your fiance' doesn't mind . im no homewrecker
2006-10-23 09:41:25 · answer #10 · answered by desiree60411 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋