My parents have decided they dont like my partner, for no apparent reason they have now banned him from the house and say they will not have anything to do with him!
I love Mark so much and its so hard! They have now banned me from visting during the week when they know mark is at work they only want me to vist on a saturday as they know its the only day i can see mark!!
I have moved away to suffolk and am really happy but they wont visit me and they have stopped my 4 brothers and sisters seeing me and try and turn them against me, they tell them that i dont love them as if i did i would not have moved away but i only live a hour away and i am always willing to jump on a train and visit!
It is making me ill and my parents have now said they wont come to my wedding and if i stay with mark thats it!!
What should i do? I know mark is the love of life and were getting married!
Should i walk away from my family for good and try and get on with my own life?
2006-10-22 23:00:17 · 23 answers · asked by kirsty m 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
They say they dont like him because he apparently has control over me! He doesnt and no im not in denial! My grandparents see us everyday and they love mark!
He works hard, whilst im at Uni and he would do anything for me!
His family have made me feel like part of them and we have a wonderful time at his familys house or when they come visit!
Its just my parents that have the issue and its because i moved away!
2006-10-22 23:20:09 · update #1
Maybe you should hear them out. Why are they so against Mark? What has he done in the past that makes them distrust him so much? Often when in a relationship, you only look at the situation subjectively, that is how it appears to you. It is human nature when being so close to someone that you cannot see what others may see. Ask them calmly in as adult a way as possible what are their objections. Perhaps they are valid ones from the view point of someone outside the relationship and not blinded by love. Perhaps they are totally invalid and they are being irrational and listening to hearsay or whatever.
It's only by trying to be objective yourself and seeing it from an outsider's perspective that you can really judge whether this is the relationship that you think it is. Do you have a close friend whose judgement you trust? Why not ask them for their opinion on Mark and your relationship? If they feel the same way as your parents, then maybe a review of the situation is due.
Have your parents really tried to stop you and your siblings meeting or is it something that was said in the heat of the moment during an argument? If they mean it, they really have no right to try and come between you and them. It sounds like you are the eldest child. I think you should try and maintain contact with your brothers and sisters at least - text them often or write to them every week to let them know that you miss them and still want to stay in contact with them. One day they will be old enough to make up their own minds and will remember the efforts that you made to keep your relationship going.
When I was going out with guys when I was younger, I used to think my mum and dad knew nothing, were old fashioned and could never have felt for anyone what I was feeling then for my boyfriend. I used to wish that they would shut up and stop trying to make me choose between them and my boyfriend.
Now I am a mum myself to two teenagers (well, one and another almost) and both girls. I am looking forward with dread to what I know is just around the corner - one or other of them coming home with some bloke and I am not going to like them for some reason. It has now come flooding back to me what I went through when I was their age and how my parents reacted and I can see clearly now what I couldn't see then - that my parents reacted the way they did because and not in spite of their love for me - and I know at the end of the day I will probably do exactly the same as they did.
Try and find out what they have against Mark and take it from there. If it's valid then listen to them. If it is not valid, then only you can make the decision to stay with him or not. Keep the relationship with your brothers and sisters alive. And do whatever it is that makes you happy in the knowledge that you have at least listened to what they've got to say and dealt with it accordingly.
2006-10-22 23:24:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hm.... what do your friends think of him? Do they like him as much as your grandparents do?
Parents just want what is best for their child(ren). Sometimes they can be overprotective and may not agree with their child's choice in a mate. However, the way they are acting is only going to push you farther away and I would think that they would not want that to happen.
I would say that if your friend do not like him either, then perhaps they are seeing something that you are not seeing or you are too blinded by love to see. For example, women with abusive spouses often defend their abuser because they love them and don't want to admit to themselves that what is going on is wrong. (Not that that is what is happenining here, it is just an example) A friend of mine married a guy that no one else liked. Not her family or her friends. She was pretty much the only one who liked him. You'd think that would have been a clear sign right there that he wasn't a good choice. They were seperated before their first anniversary.
If your friends like him as well, then I would say your parents want what is best for you and they do not think that he is it. You need to show them the good things about him and what you love about him. Pretty much "build him up" in their eyes somehow.
Good luck! I hope it works out for you.
2006-10-23 10:09:57 · answer #2 · answered by totsandtwins04 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like they are slightly jealous of your realtionship with Mark. Its ounds harsh, but personally I would try and get on with my own life.
I was in exactly the same situation, and moved miles away from my family to be with a guy they hated, but they never stopped talking to me as they knew if they did, they would possibly lose me, and I have the best realtionship with them now.
I'm sure your family will see sense in the end, and if your brothers and sisters are not brave enough to stand up to your parents, maybe you are better off without them for a while.
Stick with your grandparents, they always know best.
Good luck sweetheart, I feel for you x
2006-10-23 10:42:45 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I had a similar situation before we were married. It was with his family and we decided that we were too much in love to give each other up so we had a private wedding. We are finally speaking to his family again and they have apologized many times because they see we still love each other and we weren't going to let any one ruin our life. I suggest asking them in a calm way, What it is that they have against him. Maybe they know something that they should be telling you instead of treating you the way they are. I'm sorry for your problems and can understand about it making you have health problems.
2006-10-23 06:09:00 · answer #4 · answered by ricks.girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just because your parents behave the way they do towards you, doesn't mean that you necessarily have to get back at them by ignoring them, hating them or even forgetting them, No No.
Show them that even if they don't agree with most of your decisions, you still love them more. Don't let their behaviour insecure you.
If you think you have chosen the rightful guy, prove it to them. Make sure that your guy will not defect or deviate on you.
Time heals all wounds so, i believe and am quite sure that your folks will soften in time, specially if they see how progressive your relationship will become because you and your partner will work hard on it.
Be smart with your decisions, be firm with your conviction and be loving to your family no matter what.
2006-10-23 09:53:41 · answer #5 · answered by Dave S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Parents are more experienced in age but I really don't know circumstances that make your parents desert Mark. If you really love your parents and your choice of life partner is correct I hardly beleive its that tough to convince your parents. As you are already staying with Mark I think you hardly have a choice, you should marry Mark. As time passes by emotions automatically come under control and if Mark really loves you I am sure he will rise to expectations of your parents to take care of you.
2006-10-23 06:09:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can decide who's more important ...Mark or your family .... the fact that you've moved away would indicate Mark ... a family who can't see how happy you are in this relationship needs to reassess their values ... even if they can't stand him ... they should accept him for your sake ... go ahead and get married ... if they don't come round to your way of thinking it's their loss ... yeah I know family is important but so is being happy for the rest of your life ... you'll survive without them ...Good Luck :)
P.S. When do I get my wedding invite??? ...lol
2006-10-23 06:05:31 · answer #7 · answered by deadkelly_1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know much about this Mark fella so it's hard to give a valid opinion to this. How do you feel about your parents actions? Do you think that they are being unfair in their judgement of him? All you can do is try your best to stay in touch with them while you are with Mark. Maybe they will come around and maybe not but it is your life and ultimately your decision what you do with it.
2006-10-23 06:06:37 · answer #8 · answered by SR13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG!! why are they doing that?? if you love mark leave everything behind and start a new life with him and start your own family. You have to be aware bf's and friends are not always forever people do move on but you know family are always there for you even if you do have your differerences. My mum and dad were like that with my old boyfriend but they learnt i wasn't going to give up so they faced the facts but we split up and now there different to me and more better. Do what you feel right. No one else can bring you to do what you want. Go for it! and good luck x
2006-10-23 06:04:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is terrible for your parents to treat you this way, especially stopping your brothers and sisters from seeing you. If they are old enough to understand i'd try to talk to them and explain to them that you do love them and your parents are being out of order. I wouldn't visit my parents at all if they want to act like this then I wouldn't have anything to do with them. They can't rule your life like this. If Mark is as good as you say he is then he will look after you and sod your parents.
2006-10-23 11:21:21 · answer #10 · answered by linzi h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋