My oldest is 22 years old, he is lazy, refuses to get a job, sleeps all day, and leaves the house for the rest of the day. He doesn't have any money, but gone most of the day. What should i do for him?
2006-10-22 22:28:13 · 17 answers · asked by Donna B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Does he have a car, girlfriend, social life? If so how does he finance these things? If he doesn't I would ask him if he is happy with his life or if he would like these things what is his plan to go about changing it. How does he pay for things such as eating, toiletries, clothes? I would try to make him as uncomfortable as possible in terms of not buying him things or financing his limited social life. Do his friends work or are they all doing about the same thing?
Sounds to me like he may be in a rut and just doesn't know how to get out of it. Tell him there is a new rule in the house for him. he must pay $150 a month room and board. The amount is cheap enough so that he couldn't find a place cheaper to live and it will force him to get a job even if it is part time to start.
If you are cooking meals that he eats, doing laundry that includes his, or buying his essentials I would stop immediately. He needs a harsh wake up call that life can not continue this way for his benefit.
He has no reason to wake up early with no job but I am wondering if he is out "partying" with people late into the night. Could he possibly be doing and/or selling drugs ? If you suspect that then I would ask him to get in the car then drive him to a treatment center. At his age I am sure that he isn't covered under your medical insurance so this may be costly but if he is doing drugs you may have to bite the bullet. If he is not and it is sheer laziness then give to the room and board idea a chance. You will need to give him a little notice like 2 weeks so that when it goes into affect he has a paycheck coming to cover his new found expense.
Good Luck!
2006-10-22 22:48:14 · answer #1 · answered by Subi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
And why is he still at home?
Come on!!!!!!!!!
Today is the day to tell him find a job because he needs to pay you rent, at least $200 or more a month, in 3 weeks or he's out of the house.
Give him 3 weeks because by then he should have a paycheck.
Sounds like you have babied him long enough.
Who would move if they were give food, a roof over their head and anything else for free?
By the way, my son, turning18 the end of this week, graduates high school this year. He already knows that he must go to college or go into one of the services. If he goes to a local college he can stay here and keep his current job, he's been working for the last 2 years at the local grocery store.
He also, worked and saved to buy his own car and has his own car insurance that he pays.
2006-10-23 00:03:27 · answer #2 · answered by kitt_kattkitt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of his age, you are his mother and that means you are the boss. At 22, a male should being doing one of four things: working full time, going to school full time, working and going to school, or serving in the military.
It sounds like he has never had much family discipline and/or clear guidance. Ever since "mom" went back to work and the television/video gamer took over kids everywhere are drifting around aimlessly. Unfortunate, indeed.
He is 22 and in his prime to make the change into a productive man. Give him the above choices and help him make it happen by the year's end. Give him the choices, the deadline and let him know that you are completely serious. If he's a good boy he'll love you for it.
2006-10-23 00:00:46 · answer #3 · answered by mellow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he living at home with you? If so, you might need to motivate him or give him that "push" to get his life rolling. Tell him he has by a certain date to get a job and start paying you rent (doesn't have to be a lot, just SOME so he knows he cannot just mooch off of you forever) or he needs to be out of the house.
If you let him continue doing what he is doing now, he might never leave since he knows it is allowed. You need to show him that you are still the parent and what you says goes or he needs to move out and be on his own.
2006-10-23 03:02:24 · answer #4 · answered by totsandtwins04 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call Dr. Phil. He had an episode about this on a show last season. If it comes down to it tell him to shape up his act or he is out. If it doesnt work, the next time he leaves the house change the locks. Maybe he'll get the picture.
2006-10-22 22:36:04 · answer #5 · answered by BJTD 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Action girl, action!! His 22, still wants to party, drink have fun! Did you ever think about drugs? I don't say its definitely drugs, but just be open minded! Don't give him any money and be sure that nothing in your house just get lost for some reason. Don't think his on a very good path! Its easy for us to say kick him out, but its up to you. Its your son, whats going to happen to him if something might happen to you someday? Hope you prayer for him, its important. Maybe you should look deeper in to his soul, why is he acting like this? What happened? Good luck.
2006-10-23 00:01:57 · answer #6 · answered by confussie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what should you do for him? i think that you have done enough. it is time for him to do things for himself. he is 22 he should not be living at home. well i take that back, sometimes are kids need some help. but you are going over board. you need to tell him, he has x amount of time to find a job. and once he does he needs to give you so much towards house hold expenses.when you get up in the morning make his butt get up,stop treating him like he is still a child.tough love!!
2006-10-22 22:33:27 · answer #7 · answered by here to help 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Donna
Most of kids think that this age is for play, enjoy or to do masti & they live on his parent's shelter for food,cloths etc. But if u think he is too lazy & don;t want to work 1stly u check his company, his friends moreover his routine i.e. what is he doing all the day, if u think he has any problem then discuss with him & if he has no problem then keep strickness with him & told him if he don;t change his routine then u took serious action against him.
2006-10-22 22:45:18 · answer #8 · answered by care 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is drifting, mostly it's because he can get away with doing so.
You could ask him his ambitions or targets in life .. but if he gets cranky just drop the subject.
Next time you talk about it don't waste time being gentle. You need to make him aware that at some point in the near future you want him to start paying rent. Or move out.
The idea is to get him to face the reality of fending for himself. He can stay with you while he adapts to working, but only if he pays rent.
Otherwise just put up with him.
2006-10-22 22:38:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well at 18 he was and adult.
All i know is my parents told me. If you not going to school after being 18 you need to get a job and be out on your own and do it.
I did. I moved out and got a job and i've been on my own ever since. Well not on my own I'm married now with a career and a wonderful husband.
Tell him shape up or ship out.
My mother just did that with my youngest sister she was afraid that she'd fall on her butt.
I told her you gotta fall sometime in your lifetime to learn to pick yourself up and start over again..
Sometimes. Its the only way.
2006-10-23 00:39:13 · answer #10 · answered by dee luna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋