If a person tells you they have feelings for you but you hardly know them perhaps because you have only had on one or two dates and you do all of your chatting through messenger because they say they have had to go abroad with work, they dont have (or wont get webcam), when you ask to phone they ingnore the question, and their laptop develops technical problems around the same time every night should you then freely trust that person? I think I know the answer but other opinions would be good.
2006-10-22 22:24:37 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If a person tells you they have feelings for you but you hardly know them perhaps because you have only had on one or two dates and you do all of your chatting through messenger because they say they have had to go abroad with work, they dont have (or wont get webcam), when you ask to phone they ingnore the question, and their laptop develops technical problems around the same time every night should you then freely trust that person? My heart wants to trust him as he is a lovely man but my past demons are getting in the way.
2006-10-22 22:33:34 · update #1
I trust people until they prove me wrong. I also use common sense and i think your partner's behaviour is a bit dodgy- I will use caution
2006-10-22 22:28:35 · answer #1 · answered by toietmoi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Normally I would say yes think positively and give trust and respect at the start and build it as the relationship continues.
In this case it sounds like there are a lot of excuses.
Might be worth cooling and putting an open ended question,( ie: one that does not lead to a yes or no answer) to him something like "tell me why i should trust you given these things".
Use your intuition to judge the answer and act like a broken record until the question is answered. If ignored you know what to do!
Good luck, I hope it works out for you.
2006-10-22 22:31:14 · answer #2 · answered by lifeontrack2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No - trust can't be earned, but it can be lost. You should always start off by trusting (within reason) - that is the basis for all loving and fulfilling relationships. It seems, however, that you are already losing trust for this man you describe, and I suspect it can never be returned. Move on or risk getting hurt (you may well decide that the risk of getting hurt is worth it - nothing wrong with that as long as you keep you wits about you). Good luck.
2006-10-22 22:59:52 · answer #3 · answered by misbehave4me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi there -you seem to know the answer already i would trust any one by just talking to them on the internet for a long while they could well have been working away ,and having problems with the lap top but there again it could be because they are told that they have to go to bed as they are a minor,or the other way could be that there wife or husband has just drove up there drive and they would be busted big style talking to you ,there is nothing wrong with chatting to someone on the net but just becareful with what you say and what youre actions are and stay safe..id go and start chatting to someone else if there time is up there are a lot of interesting people out here just ready to chat ,,you take care xx
2006-10-22 22:34:18 · answer #4 · answered by a parent hows been there !! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all I can say is, turst is the most important thing in a relationship. You will do fine if you are just honest ALL the time. If the other person cant cope withyoru honesty then you arenot suited. AS simple as that. But if both parties are being honest all the time, then there should never be anything to worry about. Providing you dont mind what it is they are being honest about.
hope that helps at all! :o) x
2006-10-22 22:42:41 · answer #5 · answered by Viv.s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jo L you seem to have summed up your friend quite nicely and it looks like you are really considering walking papers for this person but consider this:
sometimes a guy meets a girl in whom he truly, genuinely has interest. At the time of meeting this girl he might have issues with some other relationship which he does not want to be a factor in the one he is intending to start with his new friend. He will do everything to prevent the lines from crossing especially if he is getting rid of the old to bring in the new. the mature way for him to deal with that is to put every thing on the table about his present situation so that the new friend can make a decision about a relationship with him but he fears that certain information will put his new friendship at risk, so instead of telling all he hides information and tries to work things out by himself; that could make him seem like somebody not worthy of your trust or your love. what you should do is confront him with the big question - 'do you have another relationship like the one you seem to want to build with me?' if you truly love him or think you could grow to love him then you should make sure that you clear up any aspect of your relationship that is causing you concern. let him commit himself to a position and then judge him based on that position. if he does not live up to the things he commit to then it is time to move on. at the end of the day you are the one who decide what you want for yourself out of any relationship. Blessings.
2006-10-22 22:47:23 · answer #6 · answered by Winston B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust isn't something you should just give away. But, you can't be too stingy with it. If they trust you then trust them only as much as they trust you. It's something that has to be worked on. And if the other person is reluctant to trust give them a little time, but don't wait on them forever to trust you.It's one of those give a little get a little back things. That's how I feel about it anyway, I hope this helps!
2006-10-22 22:27:27 · answer #7 · answered by heather_21_2006 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In a new relationship you should have trust but a cautious trust. I don't think it has to be earned but it should grow with time as you get to know each other better.Don't have a cynical mine that there after something.Conversation and action speak for them self
2006-10-22 22:33:40 · answer #8 · answered by dreamweaver021557 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my experience men who really wan't to be with you will crawl over broken glass for you. I've had boyfriends in the past who have made excuses - my computer has a virus, I've no money, I have to work.... blah blah blah.... guess what, those relationships didn't go anywhere. (Think about it; if you were trying to get rid of a guy, what sort of excuses you might make to spare HIS feelings...!)
Whereas, the man who is now my husband crossed an ocean for me (literally!) he moved from the US to here. So as you have said, you know the answer... so keep your dignity, politely break off contact with him and go find someone to worship you like you deserve! Good luck ! :)
2006-10-22 22:30:50 · answer #9 · answered by charleymac 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust between any 2 people should be Earned.. And since you really don't know this guy that well.. You need to be careful.. By protecting your self you are not doing any harm to anyone.. Good luck..
2006-10-22 22:53:38 · answer #10 · answered by julia1975 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello...Jo L, (:
Yes Jo, you do know the answer to your own question. Get a grip on your life and please move on, and please do not buy him a lap top or give that guy money. Tell him to hop on the next boat to China and to stay there, that you deserve so much better. Set up your own criteria when it comes to guys and run with it. Slow down and stay tuned into each and every guy you date . Look them right in the eyes every time. Listen to them set you up, you'll see it and feel it. If they like you or love you they will respect and follow your criteria, trust me they will if you allow it to happen...
Be smart honey. Love yourself and Love God..
Sincerely, ...J (: (:
2006-10-22 22:36:58 · answer #11 · answered by Jeanie N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋