He does not actively try to contact them (so he says) but they contact him. There is one that I think will always be in his life (in some way). I am not comfortable with it and I have told him many times. He complains cause I want to deal with the issue. I need an open, HONEST, relationship in which we both grow. But how can we grow if we can never deal with issues. I am tired, but I still love him. I do not want to be foolish, though, and stay with someone who can not or will not work thru problems. Sometimes I think he just does not want to let go. Should I stay with him or just give up?
2006-10-22 20:46:38 · 12 answers · asked by princessstar 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I went through the same thing. Over time (a couple of years) and with work, that problem is behind us.
Just ask him how he would feel if you were talking to your ex boyfriends.
Hang in there if you feel he is worth it.
2006-10-22 20:58:07 · answer #1 · answered by ***** 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
see...wow im totally on the other end of this...my ex and i are very close as friends... we talk every week and if he lived closer we would see each other more often....as friends. we both realized that as lovers, we were no good for each other, but as friends were completely happy and get along great. we both know each other so well that we can talk openly and honestly with nothing to prove to each other and its nice to beable to do that with somebody that can validate what yu are saying or tell yu
when yure completely acting out of character.
as far as ever dating agian, that would never happen because we both have seen where that leads to and value what we have , and being romantically involved again would hurt our relationship that we have now. my boyfriend now is alittle iffy with the relationship that my ex and i have, but he trusts me and seeing how bad my ex's and i relationship was when we were together and seeing us now, hes happy that i can have such a great friend in my life. sometimes people are in yur life for a reason, and theyre supposed to teach yu something. even if it doesnt work out the way yu would like it to at the time, the important thing is to realize that there is a lesson th be learned. and if yu can do that, (my ex and i both have) then why let those people out of yur life if they are better suited for another purpose?
2006-10-23 04:03:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. At least he isn't hiding the facts from you. Sounds like it sucks.
Asked him why does he want them in his life? Don't talk until he answers you. Or do you know already? Is he wanting to play the field? If he does, you probably have to back up and see if he comes to get you. And then talk again. Don't avoid the 2nd the talk and stay calm when you speak.
2006-10-23 03:55:24 · answer #3 · answered by wondering 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow my problem totally. Its funny I couldn't answer my own question but I can yours. If he is still having any kind of contact with them then it is more than just on the phone. You need to tell him that he needs to make a choice that it is either them or you. You don't need to deal with the ex's and the past one night stands. I would just tell him it is either them or me and if he chooses them then there you go he wasn't faithful in the beginning and you don't need a dog like that you can do a hell of a lot better.
2006-10-23 03:51:48 · answer #4 · answered by lost in love 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Am I the only one who thinks that it's YOUR turn to be honest and trying to work things out?
If he keeps contact with some of his exes this doesn't necessarily mean he's interested in them romantically. If he is it's time to dump him but if he's not then it's time to work that issues out.
Both my b/f (of 7 years) and myself have contact to our exes, we can talk openly about it and they know each other. Everything is fine. We trust each other so there's no need to hide anything.
He probably cuts you out of this part of his life because he's afraid you'd be mad at him.
I always read and hear "if he really respects your feelings he wouldn't do it." And I'm sick of it because it's immature and selfish.
What about "if you really respect his feelings you wouldn't act that selfish"?
If they are friends - and no more than that - then why bother?
If you can't trust each other enough you've got issues you first have to talk about.
2006-10-23 03:54:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
If he won't deal with issues, find someone who will. I think people confuse love with attraction because I don't think true love can be possible if the parties can't discuss things, work things out, or be honest and thoughtful of one another.
2006-10-23 03:53:35 · answer #6 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
An is an ex for a reason why odes he have to keep in contact with them? Obviously you don't trust him so maybe its time to move on when there is no trust there is no happiness
2006-10-23 03:57:06 · answer #7 · answered by dodgerchik 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He should not feel the need to keep in contact with these women if he's happy with you. If he refuses to compromise, that's a red flag for problems in the future. Kick him to the curb, I'd say.
2006-10-23 03:51:10 · answer #8 · answered by Deleted 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
When a relationship becomes something you have to keep working on, it's time to let go. Sorry for being frank.
2006-10-23 03:51:03 · answer #9 · answered by teddytrin 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
it happens. you can't choose for him who he talks to. decide what you will, but remember that the more he feels you are oppressing him, the farther the gap between you 2 will grow.
2006-10-23 03:53:36 · answer #10 · answered by holyitsacar 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋