My brother in law (wife's brother) is now demanding that my wife and I "respect" his wife.
While my wife and I both do not have a strong affinity for this woman, we do not feel that we have done anything disrespectful. We have included her on all family outings; our children refer to her as Aunt XY; we do our very best to be cordial with her each time we see her. But truth be told, she is a stuck up snob and she is difficult to get along with.
We have now been told that unless we "respect" her, they will not come to any future family events, etc.
Other than telling them that we do not disrespect her and that we love them both, how do we diffuse this situation and move forward.
Thanks!
2006-10-22 20:38:36 · 11 answers · asked by Evan S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Just try harder to get along
OR.........Pretend to like her And you actually might
2006-10-22 20:42:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell your brother in law this. "Respect is earned, not given". You don't just hand out respect for people, they need to act in a way that would make you WANT to respect them.
From what you have said, it sounds like you are doing what you can to be civil to this woman.
If they don't want to come to any family reunions over the matter, then it is their loss. I wouldn't swear it too much. Especially over such a childish matter. Perhaps them missing a few family events just might knock some much needed sense into them about what it means to be respectful.
2006-10-23 03:26:59 · answer #2 · answered by totsandtwins04 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let them be.. I have been in that situation before and the in-laws (brother of my husband & his wife) really built a wall between themselves and the family. There's nothing we can do with those kind of people other than kneel to their demands. We have been going out of our way to be nice to them, unlovable though they may be, and still they demand more..
They should be informed though of any family gatherings, events, emergencies whether they come or not.. Can't force them.. Just be civil..
2006-10-22 20:46:02 · answer #3 · answered by Ai 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously as she is your brother's in laws wife you must accept his choice of partner and include her in family gatherings etc., but maybe you need to tell your brother in law that you DO respect her and that because she is his wife you are very happy to include her in the family etc., as you do not want him to feel ostracized by his own family just because he got married.
Maybe you should also have a chat with her about how your brother in law is important to you all and that because she makes him happy then you are also happy to have her around. Good Luck
2006-10-22 20:56:09 · answer #4 · answered by Julie H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You DO have a right to your opinion about her. Just like she has the same towards you. My husband and I, when we were dating, his brother was going to get married too around the same time,... and things got out of control with his future wife that it came to a point where we couldnt stand each other. But we eventually started hanging out again with a CROWD of people, so we would talk to each other but not really becuz there were more people around to talk to as well. So it cleared alot of tension too. My husband and I never got mad at his brother becuz we knew that he was not the problem, it was her.... but we got lucky,.... eventually his brother was able to see who she really was and called his wedding off 2 months before.
2006-10-22 20:52:34 · answer #5 · answered by Photographer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them very nicely that you are confused about WHAT their problem is and that " you love them both" and would hate to see them miss the future family events. Tell them you would be happy to fix whatever the issue is if they can give you concrete info about what the issues are .. so please help us by telling us specifically what the concerns are... otherwise you will miss them at the events .. and then go on with your lives ... some people THRIVE on conflict..it makes them feel important... she may be one of them and if that is the case you are NOT going to be able to do ANYTHING to please her... so just have your events without them..THEIR LOSS!
2006-10-22 20:45:40 · answer #6 · answered by MeInUSA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what kind of respect does he want and in what way does he feel that you guys are not respecting her. Calmly reslove this matter by communicating and then hopefully you guys can find some room for compromise.
2006-10-22 20:43:52 · answer #7 · answered by teddytrin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all sit down and kindly ask what it is you have done wrong... then tell them your feelings and thoughts and all come to a comperise that everyone is happy with
its all about communication
2006-10-22 20:43:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you did , and said all you can.every family has one , that thinks ,she is just to good , for the rest of you. we just have to deal with it .
2006-10-22 21:11:30 · answer #9 · answered by tia c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
family problems can be solved by honest communication
2006-10-22 21:10:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
TELL THEM THAT YOU HAVE ACCEPTED HER AND YO ARE NOT GOING TO BEND OVER BACKWARD TO MEET HER DEMANDS. LET THEM NOT COME TO ANYMORE GATHERINGS. YOU WILL SURVIVE
2006-10-22 21:00:45 · answer #11 · answered by goldie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋